# Never Ever do this! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 19, 2003, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508 "2003-03-19T10:31:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/21 "2003-03-19T15:10:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \* > \*\*Well, since you’re paying… 😉 \*\* Hell, I’d even ante up enough cash to buy a ticket for a date! She might be even be so confused about the match-up (“Wait, who was the ‘good guy’? The light house? The squid? The Spanish Inquisition?”) that I could have a chance of getting some. Winners all around! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/22 "2003-03-19T15:39:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JuanitaTech \* > Holy shit, that was funny! Now if I could just find a way to work this into a conversation today… It damn sure was and your idea is a good one as well. _shuffles off to tell someone they’re "going to taste the fart_ if they don’t get a certain problem resolved\* ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/23 "2003-03-19T15:42:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kal \* > \*\*And so it begins; Lobsang’s SBD is spreading across the internet. > > Let particlewill’s suffering be a lesson to us all, people. It’s time to wrap your monitors in plastic sheeting and duct tape. \*\* What are ya talking about? Mine came that way! In fact, it’s made primarily from plastic sheeting and duct tape. Fat lot of good it did tho, now that I am all dead from fart humor. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/24 "2003-03-19T15:43:07Z")
Oops, somehow **Mangetout** ’s quote got clipped. Dude, that’s an instant classic. ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/25 "2003-03-19T16:12:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by particlewill \* > Fat lot of good it did tho, now that I am all dead from fart humor. And you’re still posting? Shite, **Lobsang’s** farts turn people into zombies! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/26 "2003-03-19T16:18:35Z")
You realize of course that for the rest of the day your breath will smell like fart? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/27 "2003-03-19T17:29:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Hell, I’d even ante up enough cash to buy a ticket for a date! > > She might be even be so confused about the match-up (“Wait, who was the ‘good guy’? The light house? The squid? The Spanish Inquisition?”) that I could have a chance of getting some. Winners all around! 😉 \*\* Hmm… Well, I don’t think the Giant Squid is ever a good guy. He’s usually a mean old man who is wealthy beyond avarice, hates everyone just because they exist, delights in nothing more than the misery of others, and yet still somehow has managed to convince his neighbors that it would be in their best interest to sell everything they own to him voluntarily and willfully at prices of a penny on the dollar. He also owns every place everyone works, is the only person in a hundred mile radius with a brain or any possessions of his own, and he is practically immortal — buying everyone’s newborn children for generations on end. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/28 "2003-03-19T17:56:24Z")
Ahh… yes. It’s like looking into a mirror. Just this morning I was going to buy Cleveland, but then I ate a fart and forgot all about it. Huh. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Dumbguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dumbguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dumbguy)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/29 "2003-03-19T17:58:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Libertarian \* > \*\*Hmm… Well, I don’t think the Giant Squid is ever a good guy. He’s usually a mean old man who is wealthy beyond avarice, hates everyone just because they exist, delights in nothing more than the misery of others, and yet still somehow has managed to convince his neighbors that it would be in their best interest to sell everything they own to him voluntarily and willfully at prices of a penny on the dollar. He also owns every place everyone works, is the only person in a hundred mile radius with a brain or any possessions of his own, and he is practically immortal — buying everyone’s newborn children for generations on end. \*\* Sounds like Los Angeles. ---
**Author:** ![malaka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@malaka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malaka)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/30 "2003-03-19T19:13:57Z")
One thing that always bothered me about farts was…not the smell. It was the fact that the air that is now in my nose and mouth, was, mere seconds ago, in someone else’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![Godfrey\_Daniels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Godfrey\_Daniels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Godfrey_Daniels)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/31 "2003-03-19T19:48:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by malaka \* > \*\*One thing that always bothered me about farts was…not the smell. It was the fact that the air that is now in my nose and mouth, was, mere seconds ago, in someone else’s ass. \*\* Man, that’s funny!!! Somehow I wish you hadn’ t said it, though. ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/32 "2003-03-19T19:57:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Hmm… Well, I don’t think the Giant Squid is ever a good guy. He’s usually a mean old man who is wealthy beyond avarice, hates everyone just because they exist, delights in nothing more than the misery of others, and yet still somehow has managed to convince his neighbors that it would be in their best interest to sell everything they own to him voluntarily and willfully at prices of a penny on the dollar. He also owns every place everyone works, is the only person in a hundred mile radius with a brain or any possessions of his own, and he is practically immortal — buying everyone’s newborn children for generations on end. And his Deeds. Don’t forget his Deeds. He has a Deed to everything. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/33 "2003-03-19T20:07:19Z")
Yep. He spends his days counting them in a garage by the motorway. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/34 "2003-03-19T20:20:05Z")
Have no fear! Slow Loris Man is coming to the rescue!!! ahem. Have No Fear! Slow Loris Man is coming to the rescue… _cough_…AHEM! HAVE NO FEAR! SLOW LORIS MAN IS COMING TO THE RESCUE!!! awwww, fuck it. That dude will never make it in time. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/35 "2003-03-19T20:33:48Z")
What is it with this board regarding farts and Fred Phelps? Why not combine the two. Put ol’ Phreddy in the middle of a circle, everyone give him your better side ( after a healthy dosage of Sasquatch Bean Burrito) and give him a SBD _rebuttal_. :::::snicker:::::: It’s so sophomoric, it’s perfect. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/36 "2003-03-19T20:49:53Z")
I’d just like to step in here and point out that it is my personal opinion that the phrase “jump the shark” has really eaten the fart. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![wireless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f14d63/32.png) [@wireless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wireless)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/37 "2003-03-19T22:39:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*You realize of course that for the rest of the day your breath will smell like fart? \*\* And if your cat farts, what will its breath smell like? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/38 "2003-03-19T22:53:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wireless \* > \*\*And if your cat farts, what will its breath smell like? \*\* Squid pie. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/39 "2003-03-19T23:00:38Z")
Is that anything like fish tacos? ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508/40 "2003-03-20T00:13:23Z")
My cat’s breath smell like fish taco cat food. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-ever-do-this/162508.md?page=3)