# Never had a girlfriend and nearly 30 **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 30, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995 "2013-09-30T13:05:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2013, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/181 "2013-10-08T14:01:46Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > A girl in her early 20s is going to want to go out to parties, to go out to clubs to do all of those silly things friends in their early 20s do. > > On Saturday night I would want to stay home and rent a movie and she would want to go out and be young. I just don’t see how it would work. I just don’t see WHY she would WANT to date ME. > > If anyone can give a good reason as to why I should target women in their early 20s over women maybe 2 or 3 years younger than men then I’d love it hear it. > > Not saying I won’t target them. I target all women, I just don’t see how it should be the priority over a “would be nice”. A couple of points: 1. You should “target” whatever type of women you like. 2. Clubs are a convenient place to meet women because it’s tough to meet women who sit at home watching movies on Sat night. The downside is you tend to meet the sort of women who like going to clubs. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2013, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/182 "2013-10-08T15:32:54Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > I think my attitude towards women is just normal, practical and commonsense sense related. If it was all that normal and practical, don’t you think you’d be getting better results? I know everyone hates Dr. Phil and his catchphrases, but there really is some value to the question “And how’s that working out for you?” It doesn’t seem to me that your current attitudes and behavior are working out all that well, ya know? Some of the things you assert about men, about women, about young people, may be roughly true if you’re speaking in generalities. But generalities aren’t people, and vice versa. You can’t debate what movie to watch with a generality, or cook dinner with one, or fall asleep with your arm around it. For that you need an actual person, and people are complicated and unique; if you take any random person they’re going to hew to your generalities in some ways and depart wildly from them in others. If you can’t learn to embrace that fact, your odds of having a successful, lasting relationship go way, way down. > [@](#): > > If I came out to a woman and said I wanted to date her to share out intellectuals and love and respect her and treat her as an equal I’d just get laughed at and still not get laid. It would, in all honesty, probably get you further than “Hey, let’s fuck and then you can bake me a cake” or “Aw, you women are the most adorable little idiots, wanna go out with me?” which seems to be your current approach. And no, I’m not saying you actually come out and say such things–but if you talk in real life like you post in this thread, your other conversation says it for you. Just like when **DoctorJ** and I started dating he never actually said “I want to share your thoughts and love and respect and treat you as an equal.” His behavior said it for him. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/183 "2013-10-08T15:37:39Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > I suspect the OP may have some kind of spectrum disorder, and might need more help than what we’re able to offer here. I think they have suppositories for that now. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2013, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/184 "2013-10-08T15:50:16Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > If anyone can give a good reason as to why I should target women in their early 20s over women maybe 2 or 3 years younger than men then I’d love it hear it. The average 30 year old is going to know first hand all the things you learn about relationships because they’ve been in long term committed relationships. These are things you basically refuse to acknowledge might exist, even though you have no way of knowing and everyone who does says they do exist. Don’t get me wrong. A young woman is \*\*also \*\*going to think “Why is this guy so inexperienced? Can he possibly be mature enough to be in a relationship now?” But by virtue of the fact that she’s too young to have experience herself she won’t really know all the things you should know by now. You can dodder through the newness of a relationship together. Also, I think you’re going to have to work to find a real homebody of any age or accept that most people like going out occasionally. I have lots of friends in their late 20s and none of them would be excited to date a guy who wants to stay home and watch movies every night. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/185 "2013-10-08T17:20:49Z")
Guys like this, assuming they are this clueless in real life, must have missed some kind of memo. This whole “beep beep boop Relationship with human female does not compute” kind of baffles me. I get that some people are very shy, or get anxious when talking to someone they like. I also understand people who feel socially obligated to have a partner but would rather be alone. But men utterly incapable of relating to women confuse me. Unless they never interacted with female relatives ever, its not like they can’t observe that women are humans to, with the same failings and entitlements as men. I wonder if its a kind of learned helplessness, since these parts almost come off as bragging about how socially inept they are with women. Someone that doesn’t know something but WANTS TO GET BETTER is going to be open to any advice they get, since at worst its something they’ve already tried but at best it could actually be useful. The OP sounds like yet another voice in the internet social retard echo chamber. ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2013, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/186 "2013-10-08T23:05:02Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Guys like this, assuming they are this clueless in real life, must have missed some kind of memo. > > This whole “beep beep boop Relationship with human female does not compute” kind of baffles me. I get that some people are very shy, or get anxious when talking to someone they like. I also understand people who feel socially obligated to have a partner but would rather be alone. > > But men utterly incapable of relating to women confuse me. Unless they never interacted with female relatives ever, its not like they can’t observe that women are humans to, with the same failings and entitlements as men. I wonder if its a kind of learned helplessness, since these parts almost come off as **bragging about how socially inept they are with women.** > > Someone that doesn’t know something but WANTS TO GET BETTER is going to be open to any advice they get, since at worst its something they’ve already tried but at best it could actually be useful. > > The OP sounds like yet another voice in the internet social retard echo chamber. [bolded]: I like this. That’s exactly what it sounds like. I think it’s sour grapes. For someone who asked: Cleo is a women’s magazine, like Cosmopolitan. Aimed at young women. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2013, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/187 "2013-10-12T04:48:54Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > I wasn’t trying to give you advice. I was trying to tell you to be more open minded about taking advice because what you’re doing doesn’t seem to be working. I have no idea why you think it has anything to do with ethics. > > That said: > > [ol] > [li]Try to date younger. A woman in her early 20s is still going to realize that a 30 year old man who has never been in a relationship is unusual. But if you do hit things off you have a better chance of experiencing some things together for the first time if you’re dating, say, a 23 year old than a fellow 30 year old. Not every woman likes to date older men but it’s not at all hard to find a woman in her early 20s who is willing to date a guy in his late 20s.[/li][li]Talking about your exes early in a relationship isn’t a good idea anyway. Try not to be self-conscious on your dates and if you manage to charm her she’ll be smitten with you before she’s fully aware of your inexperience.[/li][li]You’re a little behind schedule in life. Try to pick up wherever you left off and catch up when you can. Do you have many close guy friends? Ask some of them how their first dates went, or how smooth they were getting women into bed, or how good they were sexually. Most of us were pretty horrible, but we improve steadily with experience. It would’ve been nice if you started in your early teens but that didn’t happen, so you’re going to have to learn now. Don’t expect to be amazing without any experience or to find the perfect woman right away. Just start getting some experience.[/li][/ol] > > Who were the last 5 human females you met that you would want to date & how did you meet them? How long does it take to get to the 5th most recent? How about the last 5 non-married heterosexual human females aged 21-35 you met? I spent most of my life before 30 desperately wanting a GF, and after I got one to have a relationship with me , I spent the next 20 desperately trying NOT to have a GF. It wasn’t till I went to Asia that I realised that not all women are potentially grasping, demanding and using. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2013, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/188 "2013-10-12T04:52:15Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > And I thought \*I \*was bitter… One of my favourite google sites is “why I hate western women”. BTW, I do have western women friends, but I’d run a mile if they ever tried to be romantically involved with me. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2013, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/189 "2013-10-12T05:06:25Z")
Sounds to me like one of your favorite “Google sites” is “Why I hate women”, period. Of course, I’m only judging by every single post you’ve made in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2013, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/190 "2013-10-12T05:54:03Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > Sounds to me like one of your favorite “Google sites” is “Why I hate women”, period. Of course, I’m only judging by every single post you’ve made in this thread. Rubbish. If you’d read some of my other posts, you’d realise I “love” Asian women, and did you miss the bit where I said I have western women friends. Considering I worked in a female dominated job for over 20 years it’d have been hard to survive if I hated women. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2013, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/191 "2013-10-12T06:11:20Z")
Oh, you love _Asian_ women, and think Western women are all “grasping, demanding and using”. Yep, nothing fucked up about that. Also, I didn’t miss the bit where you said you had Western women friends, just like I don’t miss it when somebody says, “But some of my best friends are black!” ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2013, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/192 "2013-10-12T06:46:23Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > Oh, you love _Asian_ women, and think Western women are all “grasping, demanding and using”. Yep, nothing fucked up about that. > > Also, I didn’t miss the bit where you said you had Western women friends, just like I don’t miss it when somebody says, “But some of my best friends are black!” I don’t get it. What if he were friends with black women ? I think Asian women are cute, and the can cook good food so I can understand him liking Asian women. Why are you against him having his own opinion on what he likes ? Also I don’t think Asian women would make an appropriate partner for me as they are very small and I’d probably end up hurting them. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2013, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/194 "2013-10-12T23:43:43Z")
I understand you don’t get it. I’ve read your posts. ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/195 "2013-10-13T01:44:13Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > Playing armchair psychologist, I suspect the OP may have some kind of spectrum disorder, and might need more help than what we’re able to offer here. That’s what it sounds like, or the Borat thing. Skinny, fat, & depressed, what else has the OP got? ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/196 "2013-10-13T01:48:26Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Also why wouldn’t women be attracted to tall athletic and handsome men ? Everyone knows that they are and there is nothing wrong with that either. Men have hormones and are attracted to women’s bodies as are women attracted to men, again with differences. These are just facts. I think the facts are that men are attracted more to the physical yes, but women more to social status. Learn to mimic a high status male and you have it made. ---
**Author:** ![Asympotically\_fat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Asympotically\_fat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asympotically_fat)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/197 "2013-10-13T02:23:10Z")
> [@Kable](#): > > I think the facts are that men are attracted more to the physical yes, but women more to social status. Learn to mimic a high status male and you have it made. No, I don’t think this is good idea. I know this is a tired old cliche, but be yourself as being dishonest about who you are usually works for all of about 5 minutes at which point people see through any act you put on. Even worse than that the longer you can deceive someone, the more they will dislike you for doing it. Besides which I don’t think it is particular healthy to see the World in terms of high status and low status people as when you do that you start to see status as an objective rather than subjective thing and you also miss the dynamism that an individual’s status tends to have within a group. That said there’s being dishonest and there’s being too honest. Sometimes you may have views that you are unlikely to profit from sharing (I’m thinking the OP’s views on subjects such as cake and sexual politics), in which case it’s probably best to keep them to yourself (and that’s genuine advice, not a roundabout way of telling the OP to shut it). ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/198 "2013-10-13T02:39:57Z")
> **[Local Man Ruins Date By Just Being Himself](https://www.theonion.com/local-man-ruins-date-by-just-being-himself-1819566845)** > > LA JOLLA, CA–Wrongly advised by friends and family to "just be himself," local tax attorney Marc Scanlon, 34, ruined a first date with Rachel Loftus by doing just that, sources close to the never-to-be couple reported Monday. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/199 "2013-10-13T02:56:34Z")
> [@Asympotically\_fat](#): > > No, I don’t think this is good idea. I know this is a tired old cliche, but be yourself as being dishonest about who you are usually works for all of about 5 minutes at which point people see through any act you put on. Even worse than that the longer you can deceive someone, the more they will dislike you for doing it. Besides which I don’t think it is particular healthy to see the World in terms of high status and low status people as when you do that you start to see status as an objective rather than subjective thing and you also miss the dynamism that an individual’s status tends to have within a group. > > That said there’s being dishonest and there’s being too honest. Sometimes you may have views that you are unlikely to profit from sharing (I’m thinking the OP’s views on subjects such as cake and sexual politics), in which case it’s probably best to keep them to yourself (and that’s genuine advice, not a roundabout way of telling the OP to shut it). Well this only would work if people are inherently interested in you. If I were inherently interesting do you think it likely that after say, a minimum of 15 years of being sexually aware that some woman somewhere might have decided she was interested ? Every now and then I think some girl might be attracted to me but it is usually all inside my head and they usually find me as attractive as another woman or just hate my guts. ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/200 "2013-10-13T03:35:11Z")
Probably you should take steps to make yourself interesting. Work out, play a sport, get a hobby, read some good books, etc. In the meantime, fake it till you make it. ---
**Author:** ![Asympotically\_fat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Asympotically\_fat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asympotically_fat)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/201 "2013-10-13T03:35:54Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Well this only would work if people are inherently interested in you. If I were inherently interesting do you think it likely that after say, a minimum of 15 years of being sexually aware that some woman somewhere might have decided she was interested ? Honestly, it don’t work that way. For example people tend to find people who are interested in what they have to say the most interesting and people who only want to talk about themselves get boring very quickly even if they have an interesting background. Social skills are the usual way to make people interested in you and like any skill you can always improve them by practice > [@](#): > > Every now and then I think some girl might be attracted to me but it is usually all inside my head and they usually find me as attractive as another woman or just hate my guts. You seem to be very keen to prove to yourself that no woman could be interested in you, but are you being 100% rational here and if you’re really so certain would you need to debate it? What do you get out of thinking this way? Overall do you think it’s helpful? Overall I think you may tend to see things in too definite and fixed terms, which is something that often goes with depression. But it’s important to realize that World (including ourselves) is a very dynamic place, far more than we often to change something it is important to first have the belief it can be changed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995.md?page=11)