# Never had a girlfriend and nearly 30 **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 30, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995 "2013-09-30T13:05:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/202 "2013-10-13T12:22:13Z")
> [@Asympotically\_fat](#): > > Honestly, it don’t work that way. For example people tend to find people who are interested in what they have to say the most interesting and people who only want to talk about themselves get boring very quickly even if they have an interesting background. Social skills are the usual way to make people interested in you and like any skill you can always improve them by practice > > You seem to be very keen to prove to yourself that no woman could be interested in you, but are you being 100% rational here and if you’re really so certain would you need to debate it? What do you get out of thinking this way? Overall do you think it’s helpful? > > Overall I think you may tend to see things in too definite and fixed terms, which is something that often goes with depression. But it’s important to realize that World (including ourselves) is a very dynamic place, far more than we often to change something it is important to first have the belief it can be changed. Not sure, I have hobbies, I play a sport. The women there are all hot. I’m just not handsome. I don’t know. This is not something that is new. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/203 "2013-10-13T12:54:54Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Not sure, I have hobbies, I play a sport. The women there are all hot. I’m just not handsome. I don’t know. This is not something that is new. What is “wrong” with you that you are so ugly? I think a very small minority of people are truly unfortunate looking, just like a small minority are absolutely gorgeous. The rest of us work at it. Are you everweight? Is your skin gross? Do you dress like a slob? Do you have a shitty haircut? In my opinion the vast majority of men have shitty hair cuts. But all those things cab be fixed with some effort. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/204 "2013-10-13T12:59:45Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > What is “wrong” with you that you are so ugly? I think a very small minority of people are truly unfortunate looking, just like a small minority are absolutely gorgeous. The rest of us work at it. Are you everweight? Is your skin gross? Do you dress like a slob? Do you have a shitty haircut? In my opinion the vast majority of men have shitty hair cuts. But all those things cab be fixed with some effort. Yup. [Check out these male makeovers.](https://www.google.nl/search?q=make+over+for+men&safe=off&espv=210&es_sm=93&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=4ZhaUr21AoTdsga1tIHIBQ&ved=0CEQQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=979&dpr=1#es_sm=93&espv=210&q=makeover+for+men&safe=off&spell=1&tbm=isch) [Here are a few good ones from Ophrah.](http://www.oprah.com/style/Man-Makeovers) The right hair cut and clothes make a huge difference. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/205 "2013-10-13T13:01:54Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Yup. [Check out these male makeovers.](https://www.google.nl/search?q=make+over+for+men&safe=off&espv=210&es_sm=93&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=4ZhaUr21AoTdsga1tIHIBQ&ved=0CEQQsAQ&biw=1920&bih=979&dpr=1#es_sm=93&espv=210&q=makeover+for+men&safe=off&spell=1&tbm=isch) The right hair cut and clothes make a huge difference. No. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/206 "2013-10-13T13:05:06Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > What is “wrong” with you that you are so ugly? I think a very small minority of people are truly unfortunate looking, just like a small minority are absolutely gorgeous. The rest of us work at it. Are you everweight? Is your skin gross? Do you dress like a slob? Do you have a shitty haircut? In my opinion the vast majority of men have shitty hair cuts. But all those things cab be fixed with some effort. I am a large man. When I say large I mean normal large, not American large. I am overweight but not American overweight, by American standards I am probably athletic. It is hard to say, my weight is 275 pounds, but I am 6’5" and I am muscular. I always watch what I eat an exercise 5 times a week minimum. I don’t know if my skin is gross. I mostly own suits. I don’t have much hair. I shave it all off. Why does any of this matter. I thought looks were not that important ? ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/207 "2013-10-13T17:51:44Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > I am a large man. When I say large I mean normal large, not American large. I am overweight but not American overweight, by American standards I am probably athletic. It is hard to say, my weight is 275 pounds, but I am 6’5" and I am muscular. > > I always watch what I eat an exercise 5 times a week minimum. > > I don’t know if my skin is gross. > > I mostly own suits. > > I don’t have much hair. I shave it all off. > > Why does any of this matter. I thought looks were not that important ? If you don’t want to talk about your looks stop telling us you’re so ugly women won’t date you. It’s an anonymous text based discussion forum. The only reason I have any idea what you look like is because you keep bringing it up. That said, looks are definitely important. I don’t know where you got the idea that they’re not. You can call yourself “normal large” if it makes you feel better, but by American standards you are obese. You’ve stated many times that you strongly prefer hot women. The overwhelming majority of hot people work really hard to stay hot. The older they get, the less likely it is they’re just naturally hot. So while it’s far from universal, it’s reasonable to think that women who work really hard to have a great body might be turned off by an obese guy. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/208 "2013-10-13T18:24:49Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > I don’t know if my skin is gross. Um…how do you not know? Is it excessively greasy, severely pockmarked, or covered in acne? Or does it just look like normal skin? Anyway, I don’t know why you keep talking about looks. Plenty of not-handsome men manage to find women. Probably not supermodel women (Seal excluded), but regular women. Go out in public and look around sometime. I think your problem is something else. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/209 "2013-10-13T18:44:03Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Not sure, I have hobbies, I play a sport. The women there are all hot. I’m just not handsome. I don’t know. This is not something that is new. So, let’s cut to the chase. There are these hobbies and sports and your work, and there are women at all of these places that you are interested in. What happened the last time you asked if one of them wanted to have a cup of coffee with you? ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/210 "2013-10-13T21:39:12Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > If you don’t want to talk about your looks stop telling us you’re so ugly women won’t date you. It’s an anonymous text based discussion forum. The only reason I have any idea what you look like is because you keep bringing it up. > > That said, looks are definitely important. I don’t know where you got the idea that they’re not. > > You can call yourself “normal large” if it makes you feel better, but by American standards you are obese. You’ve stated many times that you strongly prefer hot women. The overwhelming majority of hot people work really hard to stay hot. The older they get, the less likely it is they’re just naturally hot. > > So while it’s far from universal, it’s reasonable to think that women who work really hard to have a great body might be turned off by an obese guy. Sorry but that is just not accurate. Obesity is not determined by a persons body weight. ---
**Author:** ![Kable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed655f/32.png) [@Kable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kable)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/211 "2013-10-13T22:51:12Z")
This thread really needs a picture. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/212 "2013-10-14T01:21:33Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Sorry but that is just not accurate. Obesity is not determined by a persons body weight. Maybe not where you come from, but you’re the one who brought up America. In America body weight and height are indeed enough to determine obesity and you are pretty obese. You would need to lose over 20 pounds to be merely overweight and on the verge of obese, for instance. Obesity can also be determined by body fat percentage, but I’m pretty confident that wouldn’t paint the picture you’d like it to either. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/213 "2013-10-14T18:44:07Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Maybe not where you come from, but you’re the one who brought up America. In America body weight and height are indeed enough to determine obesity and you are pretty obese. You would need to lose over 20 pounds to be merely overweight and on the verge of obese, for instance. > > Obesity can also be determined by body fat percentage, but I’m pretty confident that wouldn’t paint the picture you’d like it to either. Maybe he’s built like [Jason Pierre-Paul](http://www.giants.com/team/roster/Jason-Pierre-Paul/460f7583-1556-471f-8fa8-67a05f8ca955), defensive end for the NY Giants? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/214 "2013-10-14T18:47:42Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > …my weight is 275 pounds, but I am 6’5" and I am muscular. > [@Mrmanface](#): > > Sorry but that is just not accurate. Obesity is not determined by a persons body weight. > [@Kable](#): > > This thread really needs a picture. [This site comes to the rescue](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.html). It has pictures of real people of all height/weight regios. It is a fun site anyway, so I like to plug it at any opportunity. Given Mrmanfaces weight, he would look [something like this.](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/605-270.html)Like he says, large and average, and not an hindrance in getting a girlfriend, I should say. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2013, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/215 "2013-10-14T20:59:28Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > [This site comes to the rescue](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.html). It has pictures of real people of all height/weight regios. It is a fun site anyway, so I like to plug it at any opportunity. > Given Mrmanfaces weight, he would look [something like this.](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/605-270.html)Like he says, large and average, and not an hindrance in getting a girlfriend, I should say. **Mrmanface** ’s repeated assertion has been that he’s too ugly to date, not too overweight. I only brought up his obesity as an example of a part of physical attractiveness that can be improved with hard work. I’ve personally never found a person’s own attractiveness as highly correlated with their requirements in a mate as most people think. **Mrmanface** considers himself ugly, yet he only seems interested in dating extremely hot women. It seems reasonable to me that plenty of unattractive women would also be really picky, and that some really attractive women wouldn’t be so picky. That’s been true in my actual experience at life, too. So in short, I agree that being obese or even ugly in themselves shouldn’t keep a good guy from having a great girlfriend and healthy relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2013, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/216 "2013-10-14T21:24:23Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > [This site comes to the rescue](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.html). It has pictures of real people of all height/weight regios. It is a fun site anyway, so I like to plug it at any opportunity. > Given Mrmanfaces weight, he would look [something like this.](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/605-270.html)Like he says, large and average, and not an hindrance in getting a girlfriend, I should say. Ha. I USED to look like that. Strip the fat off the face and get rid of the gut. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2013, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/217 "2013-10-14T22:02:03Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > [This site comes to the rescue](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.html). It has pictures of real people of all height/weight regios. It is a fun site anyway, so I like to plug it at any opportunity. > Given Mrmanfaces weight, he would look [something like this.](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/605-270.html)Like he says, large and average, and not an hindrance in getting a girlfriend, I should say. Stupid non-metric system. I’m a bit over 194 cm and weigh 122kgs, whatever the equates to in 1800s math. I am in much better shape that all of those guys. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/218 "2013-10-15T06:45:50Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Stupid non-metric system. I’m a bit over 194 cm and weigh 122kgs, whatever the equates to in 1800s math. I am in much better shape that all of those guys. Maybe, but that guy in the [picture](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/605-270.html) also has those measurements. (if you look closely, you see that the site offers both metric systems) But you’re right, he may have another body type. Anyway, your measurements are fine. And **Fuzzy** , you say that the OP is attracted to hot women. But we only have his word for that: He thinks they’re all hot. Yes, he has said he doesn’t want anyone obese, and that may rule out one third of women, but finding the other 60 % “hot” does not necessarily make him picky. I agree with your observation that hotness does not equal pickyness. Mrmanface, if you want honest feedback on if it is your “uglyness” that holds you back, you can post a picture to the [SDMB portrait gallery](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/). With hundreds of Doper portraits. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/219 "2013-10-15T06:59:56Z")
Even \*if \*he is very unattractive (and there’s a good chance he’s not), so are some women. It might make it harder to find dates, but looks alone don’t make it impossible. If ugly people didn’t reproduce, there would probably wouldn’t be as many ugly people! But I have wondered how really ugly people do it. I wouldn’t think they would be any more attracted to other ugly people than most people are, so that would suck. If I couldn’t get someone who was at least in the range of average (and most people are), I think I’d rather just be alone. I’m not hung up on looks but it would be gross to have sex with someone you’re not attracted to. But that’s just me and I’m more willing to be alone than a lot of people are. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/220 "2013-10-15T11:38:07Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Maybe, but that guy in the [picture](http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/605-270.html) also has those measurements. (if you look closely, you see that the site offers both metric systems) But you’re right, he may have another body type. Anyway, your measurements are fine. > > And **Fuzzy** , you say that the OP is attracted to hot women. But we only have his word for that: He thinks they’re all hot. Yes, he has said he doesn’t want anyone obese, and that may rule out one third of women, but finding the other 60 % “hot” does not necessarily make him picky. > I agree with your observation that hotness does not equal pickyness. > > Mrmanface, if you want honest feedback on if it is your “uglyness” that holds you back, you can post a picture to the [SDMB portrait gallery](http://www.nouilles.info/sdpix/). With hundreds of Doper portraits. I never said I only like hot women. This thread got infiltrated by trolls who make up all sorts of made up crap. Just because I said I find it sexy that a woman bakes that apparently makes me some sort of evil Borat monster too. I truly think that the vast majority of women are very slow in figuring out where they sit in the scheme of the world and are in a constant state of denial about the kind of man they are going to end up marrying. You should see how horribly I am treated by women and the same part some of them are either little pudgy or just not that great of a catch it is truly disgusting the way women treat men. They should be ashamed of themselves. _“Hello ??? Princess, you’re 29 years old and I don’t see any ring on that finger of yours ??? All of your hot friends are married now, some of them are having babies - so where is your husband just like your friends ? HHMMM ? You don’t have one ? Wonder why ? Maybe you’re just like me, maybe you’re not all that, maybe you should cut me a little bit of slack for not fitting into the stereotype of whatever fantasy you have in your pretty little head.”_ I can’t exactly put that on an online dating profile, so I’m just going to have to wait until the penny drops or date younger women. I don’t want to go any older than 29, nothing wrong with women in their 30s it is just that if I am going to marry a woman I want to have hit that at least once when she was at least still in her 20s. Lets make this clear. I am tall. Dark haired. Muscular. And have a good education and a decent income. I am funny and I can make people laugh. By all rights I should have been able to at least attract some sort of non-deformed, non-morbidly obese female by now. There are two options, three really. There is either something incredibly, drastically wrong with me. All women are nuts. Or, being single at 30 is not that big of a deal. The balance of probabilities points to number 3. I’ll likely just have to wait it out till one of them figures out I am as good as she is going to do and she should probably just settle before that number gets even lower. I don’t think everyone is destined to be romantic, just that a lot of people are, and someone had to be one of those people and I guess that person is me. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/221 "2013-10-15T11:49:13Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > But I have wondered how really ugly people do it. I wouldn’t think they would be any more attracted to other ugly people than most people are, so that would suck. Nope, Mother Nature has a solution for that. In general, both men and women usually are most realistically attracted to others well within their “range”. It may take some internal convincing, but there are plenty of memes flying about in the cultural database to help with that process. Many of those memes even are true in one way or another. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995.md?page=12)