# Never had a girlfriend and nearly 30 **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 30, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995 "2013-09-30T13:05:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/21 "2013-09-30T16:16:38Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Bingo. Yeah, if he blew all his money playing bingo, she’d be justified in leaving him. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/22 "2013-09-30T16:21:17Z")
OP, do you have any friend relationships? People whose company you seek out because they are like minded, or have complimentary personality traits? People you could turn to if you needed help, and who you would be happy to help if they asked? If you do not have friends, or have no experience forming bonded social relationships, the problem isn’t with women, per se. ---
**Author:** ![sentrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@sentrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sentrix)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/23 "2013-09-30T16:22:39Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Do women actually like or love men ? sure. ---
**Author:** ![sentrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@sentrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sentrix)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/24 "2013-09-30T16:24:18Z")
may i also suggest that a bunch of cyber advice is not necessarily the answer here. go professional. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/25 "2013-09-30T16:31:08Z")
> [@sentrix](#): > > may i also suggest that a bunch of cyber advice is not necessarily the answer here. **go professional**. He did, which is why he is no longer a virgin (according to his OP). ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/26 "2013-09-30T16:33:47Z")
The OP needs some therapy to get to the root of his issues. There is nothing “normal” about any of it. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/27 "2013-09-30T16:42:30Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I married my husband when he was quite poor, and stayed with him. Still married to him after 36 years. Now, if he’d gambled or drank or used drugs, and lost all of his money that way, yeah, I probably would have left him. Not because he lost money, but because he had a gambling or drinking or drug problem. There’s a big difference. On the other hand, we’ve lost all of our savings because of things that were out of our control, like having to move (he was in the Air Force) or the car broke down or something like that. Are you my wife? 😃 Patti and I have been married for 36 years and I was in the USAF for 24 years. We were both pretty broke when we got married but we worked as a team to raise 3 great kids. We just paid off our home last month. Marriage certainly made me a better person. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/28 "2013-09-30T16:45:57Z")
**Mrmanface** , one thing to consider would be whether there is any possibility that you’re repressing a desire to play for the other team. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/29 "2013-09-30T16:52:58Z")
Really, the bottom line I see with all of these questions is that most relationships are a sort of give and take. Each person comes in with their own set of habits and their own set of goals, and the two work together in a way that hopefully maximizes their ability to meet those goals. Part of that give and take has to do with bodily functions. Women are not more dirty, smelly, etc. than men are; but we’re all human. If one partner has issues or preferences when it comes to these things, that becomes part of the give and take. One couple might solve the issue with separate bedrooms while another couple solves it by taking a shower before bed. And sometimes you discover that the thing you thought would be a big deal is actually a non-issue after you have time to get used to it. I think you need to start by identifying your own goals and preferences. If you don’t want a girlfriend, then other people have already shown how that’s a normal (just less common) way to be. Don’t do things just to conform to society. If you do want a relationship of some sort with a female person of some sort, figure out what you want out of the relationship. Then start meeting women until you find one who wants something similar. If you think all women just want money and kids… well, that’s just not going to be true for every single woman out there. ---
**Author:** ![sentrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@sentrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sentrix)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/30 "2013-09-30T16:53:35Z")
no, go back to the op before sharing anything. \*Is it a pain to sleep in the same bed as someone else ? I’m rather tall and my bed is a double and only just big enough for me. If I were to share it with another person it would be crowded. What if you need to fart ? Wouldn’t she get sweaty and make you bed dirty ? Wouldn’t she smell ? \* i mean, seriously? what i smell is a wind up. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/31 "2013-09-30T17:58:54Z")
I had my first real girlfriend when I was 29. So it does happen late for some of us. When I was young, I was extremely shy, especially with women. Also, I went to an engineering college where there were very few women, which didn’t help matters. That’s why I didn’t go on a single date all through college. I did eventually get over my shyness. Now I’m in my fifties, and I’m happily married with a family. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/32 "2013-09-30T18:28:09Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > If that is true, the label asexual might apply to you. As it does to about 4 % of all non-married men. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Nature and society need all types of men to make it work. In other times, men like you would have been happy as monks, envied and admired for how easy chastity and seclusion came to you. Unfortunately, the demand for monks has been tailing off since about the invention of the printing press. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/33 "2013-09-30T18:36:46Z")
The answer to your questions all comes down to who you choose to be with. There are as many kinds of women as there are fish in the sea. If you wish to attract a decent woman, it starts with being a decent person. I will tell you, based on my own experience, that relationships are awesome. When you get it right, there is nothing like it in the world. It doesn’t just ‘‘happen’’ though. You have to be willing to put in the effort. It requires a certain degree of selflessness that some people just aren’t comfortable with. Sometimes that means doing your partner’s chores for her when she’s busy and overwhelmed, or holding your tongue when you’re pissed off, or any number of other little acts of love that don’t necessarily seem like the greatest joy at the time. It isn’t for everyone. Which is fine, you know? Some people choose not to have kids because it’s a lot of hard work and the kids’ needs always come first. Having kids is obviously more demanding than having a girlfriend, but being in a relationship is a similar kind of decision in my estimation. Don’t have a relationship just because you feel like you should have one. Have one because you’ve met someone who is worth the effort. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/34 "2013-09-30T18:54:00Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > \ Or they’re more materialistic and driven by the urge to produce children (I know we all are in some capacity).\ If you’re saying we’re all driven by the urge to produce children, you are incorrect. There is a significant percentage of the population who are completely uninterested in having kids (I’m one of them - we call ourselves Childfree). It’s one of many decisions you need to make for yourself - do you want kids? Do you want a relationship? Do you want a relationship with a woman? Do you want to live alone all of your life? None of these are wrong choices - it sounds like you need to figure out what you actually want out of your life. And welcome to the boards! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jharvey963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/54ee81/32.png) [@jharvey963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharvey963)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/35 "2013-09-30T20:49:50Z")
Just a thought. Have you ever had your testosterone levels checked? I didn’t notice anything in your OP about sexual cravings. It all seemed a little bit intellectual, without any sense of lust. In fact, it seems pretty detached from the main draws of a relationship: love, sex, and friendship, not necessarily in that order. Low testosterone can produce this sort of attitude. Testosterone controls libido - the desire to have sex. If you see a very attractive, scantily-clad woman, what is your reaction? Is it a “whoa” or “holy shit!” reaction? Or is it more muted or indifferent? If so, this could be low testosterone. Without going into too much detail, a while ago I found myself being much less interested in the opposite sex. My doctor confirmed low testosterone, and I’m now taking medicine for it. And it’s made a BIG difference :). So, as they say on the commercials, talk to your doctor. J. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/36 "2013-10-01T00:37:09Z")
> [@jharvey963](#): > > Just a thought. Have you ever had your testosterone levels checked? I didn’t notice anything in your OP about sexual cravings. It all seemed a little bit intellectual, without any sense of lust. In fact, it seems pretty detached from the main draws of a relationship: love, sex, and friendship, not necessarily in that order. > > Low testosterone can produce this sort of attitude. Testosterone controls libido - the desire to have sex. If you see a very attractive, scantily-clad woman, what is your reaction? Is it a “whoa” or “holy shit!” reaction? Or is it more muted or indifferent? If so, this could be low testosterone. > > Without going into too much detail, a while ago I found myself being much less interested in the opposite sex. My doctor confirmed low testosterone, and I’m now taking medicine for it. And it’s made a BIG difference :). > > So, as they say on the commercials, talk to your doctor. > > J. This. If you truly desire a woman concerns about the way she might smell is going to be way, way down on the list. I’d get checked out if I were you. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/37 "2013-10-01T02:13:49Z")
Have you ever looked up [attachment disorder](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_disorder)? ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/38 "2013-10-01T02:38:02Z")
As long as you don’t try homosexuality, and you live in a democratic republic, you’re bound to have an involvement without trying. Just associate with women some more. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/39 "2013-10-01T03:24:51Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > As long as you don’t try homosexuality, and you live in a democratic republic, you’re bound to have an involvement without trying. Just associate with women some more. I’m not sure I follow you exactly; is this a variation on “you’ll find it when you stop looking”? If so, I disagree. I don’t know the answer to the OP’s question, but it’s not to stop trying and hope things just work themselves out. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/40 "2013-10-01T04:07:51Z")
For one thing, having a girlfriend is not a requisite to being a complete man before you’re 50. But as the OP guessed correctly, being in a relation will put you through a lot and the experiences can be very valuable. I have a feeling he already has an idea how things will go with a partner, so I wouldn’t advise him to look. What I’d advise him is to make women come to him. Again, the OP is already on tract (money will figure prominently.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995.md?page=3)