# Never had a girlfriend and nearly 30 **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 30, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995 "2013-09-30T13:05:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2013, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/121 "2013-10-04T15:31:38Z")
Men and women ARE different, and on a micro-level, person A and person B are different but that’s not what people mean when they say “equal” with respect to a relationship. I feel like this doesn’t have to be explicitly spelled out. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/122 "2013-10-04T22:57:08Z")
> [@Richard\_Pearse](#): > > All I mean is that the relationship should be based on something other than sex. The best girlfriends I’ve had were primarily friends, sex was secondary. If you are after a primarily sexual relationship then stick with your prostitutes because the chances of finding someone you can have a long lasting primarily sexual relationship with is small. > > My girlfriend has similar interests to me, we do stuff together, biking, skiing, flying, playing computer games, watching TV, etc. We also have individual interests that the other doesn’t have, so we are not in each other’s pockets all the time. Oh, and we also have good sex, but if you take the sex away there’s a lot left. So I know that as we get older and our sex drives diminish, our relationship will stay strong. The way you present yourself here it seems that if you couldn’t have a relationship with sex, you wouldn’t bother with a relationship at all. My sex drive will never diminish. I must spread my seed and create an army of off spring to do my bidding. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2013, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/123 "2013-10-04T22:58:29Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > I guess I was never best friends with my husband for years before we started dating - no siree, there’s no way a friendship could blossom into something more! > > Also, **Mrmanface** , you do have friends right? What’s the problem with some of those friends being women…just because? Why not try it out? Many people on the board have said it helped them and none have said it was a bad idea, so what’s the harm in trying? Fool. All those years you were torturing your husband. A man always wants to be more than friends. Unless the girl is not pretty ? Are you pretty ? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2013, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/124 "2013-10-04T23:17:04Z")
See, now I don’t think you’re being completely serious with us. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2013, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/125 "2013-10-04T23:39:55Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > My sex drive will never diminish. I must spread my seed and create an army of off spring to do my bidding. What about hers? ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2013, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/126 "2013-10-04T23:49:40Z")
> [@Richard\_Pearse](#): > > What about hers? There are really only a few options. Women need to understand. If you have low sex drive you either ;\ Do your wifely duty. Think of England. Or he will; Have an affair. Cheat on you with 19 year old prostitutes. (my preferred option - don’t get all American on me please, prostitution is fine, not all places are theocratic basket cases). Sex is just not optional. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/127 "2013-10-05T01:02:03Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > There are really only a few options. Women need to understand. > > If you have low sex drive you either ;\ > > Do your wifely duty. > Think of England. > > Or he will; > > Have an affair. > Cheat on you with 19 year old prostitutes. (my preferred option - don’t get all American on me please, prostitution is fine, not all places are theocratic basket cases). > > Sex is just not optional. How do you coalesce your deep understanding of sexuality and the nature of relationships between men and women with the fact that you’re nearly 30 and have never touched a vagina without paying someone for the privilege? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/128 "2013-10-05T01:02:44Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > I have had lots of conversations with women. As I said I like women. They’re good to talk to. I’m sorry but I just don’t agree with this “internet notion” that men and women are fundamentally the same. I would tend to agree. Men and women are not fundamentally the same. And one does not treat a friend the same way they treat someone they are interested in sexually. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/129 "2013-10-05T01:20:59Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > How do you coalesce your deep understanding of sexuality and the nature of relationships between men and women with the fact that you’re nearly 30 and have never touched a vagina without paying someone for the privilege? Well. I don’t. It is just that most men that frequent “brothels” tend to older be married men. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/130 "2013-10-05T01:36:35Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Well. I don’t. It is just that most men that frequent “brothels” tend to older be married men. Gruff old billy goats, would you say? ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/131 "2013-10-05T01:50:43Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > Well. I don’t. It is just that most men that frequent “brothels” tend to older be married men. It’s not just the whores I’m curious about though. I’m curious what your basis is for thinking you know anything about women and relationships. You’ve expressed some unusual ideas in this thread and seem pretty sure of them. Personally I am sure of myself when I’ve succeeded at it regularly. I have a super hot girlfriend who loves me, so I feel confident I’m good with women. Being 30 and never having any positive romantic experiences makes you a pretty extreme outlier. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or something is wrong with you, but I don`t see why you’d believe you know anything about women. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/132 "2013-10-05T02:51:34Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > There are really only a few options. Women need to understand. > > If you have low sex drive you either ;\ > > Do your wifely duty. > Think of England. > > Or he will; > > Have an affair. > Cheat on you with 19 year old prostitutes. (my preferred option - don’t get all American on me please, prostitution is fine, not all places are theocratic basket cases). > > Sex is just not optional. Ok, well good luck with that. ---
**Author:** ![Mrmanface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mrmanface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrmanface)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/133 "2013-10-05T06:29:46Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > It’s not just the whores I’m curious about though. I’m curious what your basis is for thinking you know anything about women and relationships. You’ve expressed some unusual ideas in this thread and seem pretty sure of them. > > Personally I am sure of myself when I’ve succeeded at it regularly. I have a super hot girlfriend who loves me, so I feel confident I’m good with women. > > _ **Being 30 and never having any positive romantic experiences makes you a pretty extreme outlier.** _ It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or something is wrong with you, but I don`t see why you’d believe you know anything about women. What a ridiculous comment. One can express knowledge about aerodynamics and the operation of an aircraft and how an aircraft is able to fly, without having ever been a pilot. That you have a super hot girlfriend, you’re probably just better looking than I am. I am not a particularly handsome man which is most likely the reason why I am single at 30. I also suffered from depression which lead to obesity which effectively cut out a large number of years when I simply was not able to date at all. I personally hate the assumption that I need to be a feminist to date, lots and lots of sexist pigs get women all the time. I suspect some women enjoy being treated like dirt. Being a sexist pig is more of a personality trait than a barrier to dating. See the bolded text, so why tell lies to me through this thread ? You people act like you have the moral high ground but you’re probably just bunch of hyprocrits and liars. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/134 "2013-10-05T08:50:45Z")
Relationships and women aren’t a technical field where there are black and white answers. A better analogy would be to say that you can’t speak with any authority on how to fly an aeroplane unless you have flown one. Knowing about aerodynamics is like knowing how a women’s respiratory system works. You can’t know about the nuances of relationships unless you’ve had one, and by your own admission you haven’t, and by what you have posted here you seem to know very little about women. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/135 "2013-10-05T08:59:34Z")
To think that deep understanding of interpersonal relationships can be had without any experience is a really emotionally-immature outlook. Does \*anyone \*who has actually had such experience agree that they could have gotten their understanding some other way? ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/136 "2013-10-05T09:13:35Z")
I don’t get what’s there to understand in women. They are basically the same as men coz men and women are both human beings. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/137 "2013-10-05T09:18:52Z")
> [@truthSeeker2](#): > > I don’t get what’s there to understand in women. They are basically the same as men coz men and women are both human beings. Some people don’t realise this if they haven’t spent time with women. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/138 "2013-10-05T09:23:27Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Does \*anyone \*who has actually had such experience agree that they could have gotten their understanding some other way? Well, I expect people who went through messy divorces could have gotten an adequate understanding of the experience by repeatedly smashing their own gonads with a claw hammer. Does that count ? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/139 "2013-10-05T09:29:44Z")
> [@Richard\_Pearse](#): > > Some people don’t realise this if they haven’t spent time with women. I guess the main question of op was that if not having gf till 30 poses some impediment in having gf afterwards or is abnormal, for which he got a categorical answer that it doesn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2013, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995/140 "2013-10-05T11:47:53Z")
> [@Mrmanface](#): > > What a ridiculous comment. One can express knowledge about aerodynamics and the operation of an aircraft and how an aircraft is able to fly, without having ever been a pilot. But such a person would be wise to defer to an experienced pilot on the subject. > [@](#): > > That you have a super hot girlfriend, you’re probably just better looking than I am. I am not a particularly handsome man which is most likely the reason why I am single at 30. Looks probably has little to do with it. Plenty of non-handsome dudes have girlfriends- even most non-handsome straight dudes, most likely. Of course, if you feel you need a beautiful woman and will settle for nothing less, then you might have some difficulty. > [@](#): > > I also suffered from depression which lead to obesity which effectively cut out a large number of years when I simply was not able to date at all. The depression was what kept you from dating, not the obesity. Looks is a significant part of dating but not the biggest factor- the biggest factor is personality and attitude. > [@](#): > > I personally hate the assumption that I need to be a feminist to date, lots and lots of sexist pigs get women all the time. I suspect some women enjoy being treated like dirt. Being a sexist pig is more of a personality trait than a barrier to dating. You don’t need to be a feminist to date, but you should be respectful to women because it’s the right thing to do. Being a sexist pig is _bad_, akin to being a homophobe or racist. Also, being a sexist pig will not get you more girls than being a decent guy. > [@](#): > > See the bolded text, so why tell lies to me through this thread ? You people act like you have the moral high ground but you’re probably just bunch of hyprocrits and liars. There’s an excellent chance that at least some of us are not hypocrites and liars. Look at it this way- whatever you’ve been doing has not been working. You don’t lose much by actually accepting some of our advice- it couldn’t be worse than what you’re doing now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-had-a-girlfriend-and-nearly-30/669995.md?page=8)