# "Never make a pretty woman your wife" song? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2013, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575 "2013-02-17T03:53:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/41 "2013-02-19T02:03:25Z")
colander, I know you don’t like me, but you’ve gotten me to laugh out loud twice in this thread so far. Thank you so much. I’m going to start playing your drinking game. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/42 "2013-02-19T03:30:29Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > colander, I know you don’t like me, but you’ve gotten me to laugh out loud twice in this thread so far. Thank you so much. > > I’m going to start playing your drinking game. Heh. When it comes to this message board, it eventually becomes difficult for me to hold grudges against posters for anything less awful than, say, bragging about trapping and drowning their neighbor’s pets. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/43 "2013-02-19T04:01:02Z")
Is she a good cook? Then shut up. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/44 "2013-02-19T04:01:37Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > …You seem to just be grooving on shocking people with your gross treatment of your wife… I said that the blog I made was even more shocking and yet I don’t want people here to see my blog. i.e. shocking people isn’t my main objective. BTW remember my opening post: “BTW I also listen to John Gottman’s material which says things like that the ratio between negative to positive interactions should be about 1:5” If I was serious about shocking treatment of my wife, I wouldn’t be trying to keep in mind high ratios like that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/45 "2013-02-19T04:03:25Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > Is she a good cook? Then shut up. She doesn’t know much about cooking but someone else that lives with us does all the cooking at the moment. If she was a good cook though (and ugly) it would mean that that song would apply to me and that’s on topic. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/46 "2013-02-19T04:10:12Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > You know, reading this thread and your previous one, it gives me the impression that the reason you married your wife is because you felt you couldn’t do better and she was simply a means to an end. She wanted to get married or eventually end the relationship… BTW I thought in most people’s cases they can’t do better… I mean for every relationship there would be another girl who is a lot more intelligent, caring, funny, hotter, etc. Also the fact that many people cheat suggests that they haven’t found the best girl in the world. > [@](#): > > As though you objectify her and that’s all she’s worth. Not to be mean, but you come off rather badly… I’m not sure exactly what you mean by “objectifying” her but I’m glad I’m not thinking that I could do better! ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/47 "2013-02-19T04:19:19Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > Can you do me a favor and list out some qualities that you find beautiful (ie, people who have x, y, and z are 10’s in my book)? I’d rather not think too much about that because my wife lacks some of those perfect qualities (such as a flat narrow stomach [without abs showing through]) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/48 "2013-02-19T05:13:16Z")
BTW I was just visiting a pickup artist messageboard and they’re saying not to put women on a pedestal (even “10’s”) if you want to have one night stands with them… there was also a long quoted article in a post that ended with “Every woman is a 6.” Also on their boards: > [@](#): > > I’ll never forget what one star PUA said, in a candid moment. He admitted that the majority of hot babes were terrible in bed, and that despite all his expert techniques in the sack, that it was like doing it with lifeless fish. When asked which PUA said that, another person replied: > [@](#): > > Well thats tough because it’s a well known thing. So according to some people, to get a really pretty girl you can’t put her up on a pedestal (which a pretty girl might deserve) and if you get her she’s probably not that good in bed. I mean marriage is about having the same sexual partner forever - and looks fade. ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/49 "2013-02-19T08:23:44Z")
Pedestals can be unstable. That’s why Mrs. bought a surplus exam table complete with stirrups when our favorite club closed. It has a pull out step, and is very handy. But, she’s a solid 9, so we really don’t belong here after all. Good luck with your 5. And remember what the wise George Carlin said. “I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.” ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/50 "2013-02-19T19:44:55Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Well I did give her trophies, medals and a door hanger for being the world’s greatest lover… for Valentine’s day I gave her a card that said “Guess who loves you today?” “The same person who loves you every day except today you get a card”. I guess that is a bit sexual… well I also helped use an epilator on her legs and use a rough bit of something to try and remove the hard bits on her feet. The romance… it _burns_! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/51 "2013-02-19T20:01:56Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Her neck isn’t fat - it just has enough fat to hide the tendons You’re sure it aint a goiter?:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/52 "2013-02-19T20:14:19Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Well I did give her trophies, medals and a door hanger for being the world’s greatest lover… for Valentine’s day I gave her a card that said “Guess who loves you today?” “The same person who loves you every day except today you get a card”. I guess that is a bit sexual… well I also helped use an epilator on her legs and use a rough bit of something to try and remove the hard bits on her feet. That’s not quite what I meant, although helping her out with the hard bits on her feet kind of qualifies. I guess I’m asking what you do on a regular basis that makes her feel special. What is it about her that you love? You’ve already mentioned how her neck and hands look, but I’m asking for substantial things, not things that will fade in time. > [@JohnClay](#): > > She wanted to get married or eventually end the relationship… BTW I thought in most people’s cases they can’t do better… I mean for every relationship there would be another girl who is a lot more intelligent, caring, funny, hotter, etc. Also the fact that many people cheat suggests that they haven’t found the best girl in the world. I can’t speak to most people, but I assume that quite a lot of people are like me - in that they get married to the people they fall in love with. I didn’t marry my wife because I thought I couldn’t do any better, I married my wife because she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. > [@JohnClay](#): > > I’m not sure exactly what you mean by “objectifying” her but I’m glad I’m not thinking that I could do better! I mean that it seems that you are looking at your wife as though she were a used car. She’s the best used car that you can afford, despite the dings, and the way the muffler sounds. You aren’t personalizing her - you aren’t indicating that she is a person you like to spend time with. It seems (and I could be wrong or taking your posts the wrong way) that your wife is simply the best woman you could snag and your purpose in snagging her was to check off the ‘wife’ entry on your life’s to-do list. > [@JohnClay](#): > > I’d rather not think too much about that because my wife lacks some of those perfect qualities (such as a flat narrow stomach [without abs showing through]) You seem to already do this though - I’m not sure why you have a problem now. It’s this sort of thing that gives the impression (correctly or, hopefully, incorrectly) that you value your wife based solely on how attractive she is. The moment she is no longer attractive you are going to pitch her to the curb. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/53 "2013-02-19T23:31:11Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > You’re sure it aint a goiter?:dubious: No her neck doesn’t look fat… it looks nice like this one: [![](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DDVbBb2EsjM/TshUbVIJf_I/AAAAAAAACdM/NQP1VIV6Bf4/s1600/la-phys.nice-neck-250.jpg) ](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DDVbBb2EsjM/TshUbVIJf_I/AAAAAAAACdM/NQP1VIV6Bf4/s1600/la-phys.nice-neck-250.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/54 "2013-02-19T23:47:00Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > That’s not quite what I meant, although helping her out with the hard bits on her feet kind of qualifies. I guess I’m asking what you do on a regular basis that makes her feel special. I give her money for fuel - sometimes I’m quite generous and she appreciates that. > [@](#): > > What is it about her that you love? You’ve already mentioned how her neck and hands look, but I’m asking for substantial things, not things that will fade in time. I’ve already said this a lot but I think she’s a low maintenance sex machine. Some people will complain that I’ve said that too many times already but you missed it. Like I’ve said already she’s very loyal, affectionate and fun/funny. Those are things that won’t fade in time. Also I think her hands/neck will still be fairly nice looking still in the future. > [@](#): > > I can’t speak to most people, but I assume that quite a lot of people are like me - in that they get married to the people they fall in love with. I didn’t marry my wife because I thought I couldn’t do any better, I married my wife because she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Yes I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. > [@](#): > > I mean that it seems that you are looking at your wife as though she were a used car. She’s the best used car that you can afford, despite the dings, and the way the muffler sounds. She’s not the best used car I can afford - she’s the best used car that anyone is willing to sell me. i.e. I can’t do any better. > [@](#): > > You aren’t personalizing her - you aren’t indicating that she is a person you like to spend time with. I spend heaps of time with her and I enjoy the time I spend with her. I guess I’ve got to explicitly say that since you almost assume the worst about me in every way. > [@](#): > > It seems (and I could be wrong or taking your posts the wrong way) that your wife is simply the best woman you could snag and your purpose in snagging her was to check off the ‘wife’ entry on your life’s to-do list. That’s true she is the best woman I can snag. > [@](#): > > You seem to already do this though - I’m not sure why you have a problem now. It’s this sort of thing that gives the impression (correctly or, hopefully, incorrectly) that you value your wife based solely on how attractive she is. We have sex in the dark and she manually gives me an erection so how attractive she isn’t everything… though I’d prefer she was attractive so that I could honestly compliment her about that. > [@](#): > > The moment she is no longer attractive you are going to pitch her to the curb. I don’t plan on getting a divorce unless it is absolutely necessary. Anyway a non-attractive but affectionate/fun/etc is still the best I can do. I don’t want to be alone. But I don’t want my wife to know that I’d still stick with her no matter how ugly she might get… ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2013, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/55 "2013-02-19T23:59:50Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > But I don’t want my wife to know that I’d still stick with her no matter how ugly she might get… ..wait, what?? ---
**Author:** ![Delayed\_Reflex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/delayed_reflex/32/3172_2.png) [@Delayed\_Reflex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delayed_Reflex)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/56 "2013-02-20T00:06:37Z")
Man after having read some of your old threads I have to say I’m rooting for you 🙂 I think it’s certainly possible for your to have a happy marriage even if you don’t find your wife to be the most physically attractive woman around - I mean that’s pretty much the stereotype for older couples in media 😃 I find it a bit sad that people suggest that you stick with prostitutes instead of with your partner just because you have Aspbergers - I think people just aren’t used to seeing things laid out as bluntly as you put them. Assuming you have the sense to not be so blunt with her (and from what I can tell that is the case), you using this forum as an outlet to complain about her flaws from time to time is really no worse than other people who use the forum to rant about their spouses 😉 I figure that since she was willing to marry you, she recognizes your affection for her even if the people on this forum don’t. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/57 "2013-02-20T00:15:42Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I give her money for fuel - sometimes I’m quite generous and she appreciates that. That _does_ sound special. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/58 "2013-02-20T00:24:33Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > That’ll change quickly out she finds out you only rated her a 5. But if she even inherits 5 million dollars she’ll be a solid 10. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/59 "2013-02-20T00:26:39Z")
Guys, we have been down this road before and trust me, it is exactly as it seems at first glance. You will find no redemptive revelation at the end of the **JohnClay** journey. It is like a tarbaby, only fatter. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575/60 "2013-02-20T00:30:19Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Guys, we have been down this road before and trust me, it is exactly as it seems at first glance. You will find no redemptive revelation at the end of the **JohnClay** journey. It is like a tarbaby, only fatter. LOL! “But there ain’t no Coup de Ville hiding at the bottom of a cracker jack box.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-make-a-pretty-woman-your-wife-song/650575.md?page=4)