# NEVER say this to a pregnant woman **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 29, 2002, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824 "2002-03-29T22:36:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/1 "2002-03-29T22:36:09Z")
My SO is pregnant. She’s in her fifth month now and recently, we were out shopping for some comfortable clothes for her. We passed by a rack of capri pants that were bright yellow with flowers on them. She grabbed the hanger and said, “WHO would wear these??” I said, “Well, you know…really thin, attractive people get away with that stuff.” _uh oh_ She stopped dead and looked at me, saying, “Ohmygod. You think I’m fat. And you think I’m unattractive!!!” Holy cow. Okay, that was a stupid, stupid thing for me to say. So I added, “I meant really TALL, thin and attractive people!” (She is about 5’4".) I was thinking of those supermodel types who can wear anything and pull it off, you know? I’ll be the first person to say that my SO is stunning. It’s downright humbling to go places with her because she draws a lot of attention. She was a size 6 before the pregnancy so this is just making her wiggy. And maybe this seems odd but I don’t think she’s any less attractive now than she was then. It’s _her_, you know? Boy, oh Boy, I gotta watch it or I’m going to end up with a bruised hind end. Anyone else ever botch something to a pregnant woman? Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/2 "2002-03-29T22:43:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tiburon \* > \*\*I said, “Well, you know…really thin, attractive people get away with that stuff.” > \*\* Proof that you are, indeed, a man. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/3 "2002-03-29T22:45:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by porcupine \* > > Proof that you are, indeed, a man. > > 😉 BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/4 "2002-03-29T22:46:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tiburon \* > \*\*Anyone else ever botch something to a pregnant woman? > \*\* Throughout my sister’s pregnancy I called her “Fatty”. Her reaction to THAT, however, was NOTHING compared to her reaction when I called her SON that (let me emphasize that he was only 5 months old, and I was totally JOKING, although he is a heavy little dude…). She threatened to prevent me from seeing her kids again. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/5 "2002-03-29T23:35:00Z")
The weight I gained during my pregnancy completely destroyed my self esteem along with any inkling of attractiveness I had beforehand. I went from 105-110lbs with a 22 inch waist to 200lbs and I still haven’t lost it, 6 years later. Anything that anyone said to me about my weight then as well as now has just sort of blended into the huge black cloud that is my self image now, and I can’t remember any specifics anymore. Far worse than offending a pregnant woman, however, is saying something to a non-pregnant woman that makes it clear that you think she is pregnant (“when are you due?”)… and yes, I know this from experience. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/6 "2002-03-29T23:35:23Z")
I was quite large when I got pregnant, and I’m still somewhat sensitive to comments about my size. It’s just one of those things about pregnancy that make it so much fun, y’know? If I can offer a suggestion about clothes, I went to Wal-Mart when I was starting to outgrow my pre-maternity clothes and got nice stretchy pants in a larger size. They’re comfortable and don’t look bad. I got a lot of larger-sized tops, too. Also, Motherhood Maternity has a lot of really nice-looking maternity clothes that aren’t bloody expensive. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/7 "2002-03-29T23:58:19Z")
Don’t sweat it. Its impossible to get through nine months of pregnancy without something coming out - even if you are completely mute, the hormones moving through her body, plus the physical discomfort, and the fact she looks like a water retaining manatee means that she’ll take offense if you breathe funny. Make it up to her. Offer to rub her feet. Every night. Learn how to give her a pedicure, too, cause the day is coming where either you cut her toenails, or she takes chunks out of you in bed - she won’t be able to reach them. (P.S. My husband’s biggest gaff was after our daughter was born - he thinks she was born in the middle of the night. “No, honey, you just think it was the middle of the night, cause we had to wake you up for it - it was just before one.”) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/8 "2002-03-30T00:43:39Z")
I have never understood the mindset that pregnant=fat. Criminy, you’re growing another person inside your body. You are _not_ fat, you’re pregnant!! OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, for future reference, when asked “Who would wear that?”, the proper answer is “I have no idea…” Then change the subject. ---
**Author:** ![cagiva650](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cagiva650](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cagiva650)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/9 "2002-03-30T00:44:05Z")
yes it was a witty but dangerous reply. The rules have changed now so just agree with her - she just needs to vent and is not looking for you to really say what’s on your mind about weight and figures. But dont clam up around her about the baby, show interest in the baby books and everything - Enjoy your pregnancy together! ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/10 "2002-03-30T02:52:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by porcupine \* > \*\* > Proof that you are, indeed, a man. > > 😉 \*\* I echo **Sue** ’s BWAHAHAH as… well… **Tibs** isn’t a man! 😃 She’s one of our wonderful lesbian dopers! ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/11 "2002-03-30T02:56:06Z")
Let me just say this: pregnant women are wholly incapable of realizing that comparisons made between them and beached walruses depend ENTIRELY on the context in which they were made. I know this from personal experience. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/12 "2002-03-30T03:09:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LaurAnge \* > I echo **Sue** ’s BWAHAHAH as… well… > > **Tibs** isn’t a man! 😃 She’s one of our wonderful lesbian dopers! Whooooooooosh. I know **Tibs** is a woman. I met **Tibs** at Spiffled, where she said “I’m _such_ a guy.” She gets the joke, believe me. ---
**Author:** ![Lil\_Lurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/838e76/32.png) [@Lil\_Lurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lil_Lurker)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/13 "2002-03-30T03:10:32Z")
Being eight months pregnant, I recently took a good look in the mirror and decided two things: 1. Nothing looks good on me and absolutely nothing makes me look like I am anything but a short, tired woman smuggling a bowling ball under her clothes. 2. I don’t give a shit When things started not fitting right, I cried every morning just trying to find something to wear to work. Then I got the Big Mama type of clothes and started relaxing but was concerned about wearing the same outfits all the time. Now I just don’t care if my clothes match, are clean, or are fashionable in anyway. I figure it’s my right. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/14 "2002-03-30T03:14:57Z")
Bah. I was horribly whooshed. But for those few minutes I didn’t realize it… man, this was the funniest thing I’d seen all week! ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/15 "2002-03-30T03:25:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > \*\*Far worse than offending a pregnant woman, however, is saying something to a non-pregnant woman that makes it clear that you think she is pregnant (“when are you due?”)… \*\* Oh, I don’t know. I put on a lot of persistent weight during my first pregnancy, so much so that a friend’s husband, someone who saw me at least once a week, said to me when I was almost eight months into my _second_ pregnancy, “Wow, I didn’t know you were pregnant!” And the proper answer to the capri pants question (said with scorn) is, “Tsch…teenagers.” ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/16 "2002-03-30T03:45:01Z")
I’d reply, with my faux-snide grin, “Me!” ---
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/17 "2002-03-30T03:49:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > \*\*I have never understood the mindset that pregnant=fat. Criminy, you’re growing another person inside your body. You are _not_ fat, you’re pregnant!! > > \*\* Thank you, FairyChatMom. That has always baffled me, too. ---
**Author:** ![robinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@robinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robinh)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/18 "2002-03-30T04:06:31Z")
Don’t sweat it. It’s only going to get worse, y’know. 😉 Actually, if this is her first, she’s probably only really “showing” just now, and it’s reasonable that her changing shape is weirding her out. With any luck, she’ll relax and enjoy it with time. Heck, by my last (4th) pregnancy, _I_ was the one making jokes about people throwing salt water on me if I lay still for too long in one place. ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/19 "2002-03-30T04:14:10Z")
(Slight hijack) > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > \*\* > …Far worse than offending a pregnant woman, however, is saying something to a non-pregnant woman that makes it clear that you think she is pregnant (“when are you due?”)… and yes, I know this from experience… ☹ \*\* About a year ago, I was out with the guys at a bar. One of the waitresses was walking around with this skin-tight, stretchy thing on. She was attractive, and quite thin, and had a _tiny_ bulge at her belly which was only visible due to the tight, stretchy outfit. One of the guys I was with (who had had a couple of drinks and is not too tactful cold sober) asked “are you pregnant?” to which she responded, “No, I guess I’m just fat.” (clearly hurt/offended and not sarcastic). I turned to my friend. “Never ask a woman if she is pregnant.” “But…” “ **Never** ask a woman if she is pregnant.” “But I was just…” “Repeat after me… 'never ask a woman if she is pregnant. '” “Never ask a woman if she is pregnant.” I think I got through to him. :rolleyes: (end slight hijack) ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2002, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824/20 "2002-03-30T05:09:50Z")
My brother in Law told my sister, who was a size four in the beginning of her pregnancy and went to a size 20 at the end- Its ok if you got totally fat- I still love you and With your boobs sagging with all that milk you look like those naked african women you see on tv. he has been banned from talking about pregnancy again [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/never-say-this-to-a-pregnant-woman/100824.md?page=2)