# New and Improved... Best Movie Lines! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 1999, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920 "1999-12-16T21:28:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 1999, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/1 "1999-12-16T21:28:00Z")
This is a standard them that comes up every so often, but since it qualifies so well as a mundane, pointless thing that I obviously must share… What are your best/favorite movie lines? The one that’s at the top of my list right now is from Fight Club when Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter) says… > [@](#): > > “I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school”. I love it! I died laughing! My wife and I will occasionaly say it to each other after sex. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/2 "1999-12-17T00:28:00Z")
So many to choose from: “I was misinformed.” “Oh, my dear. That’s something you need never worry about.” “The district attorney is a Republican.” “You’ll poke your eye out.” “How did you die?” “The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.” “Ou est ma bete?” “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” “It’s alive. Alive!” “The London Undergound is not a political movement.” “Inspector Clay is dead! Murdered! And someone’s responsible!” “I think it would be fun to run a newspaper.” “I don’t know. It’s a mystery.” And, of course, my sig. I leave identification of the quotes as an exercise for the reader. * * * “East is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.” – Marx Read “Sundials” in the new issue of Aboriginal Science Fiction. [www.sff.net/people/rothman](http://www.sff.net/people/rothman) ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/3 "1999-12-17T00:35:00Z")
“Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker!” ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/4 "1999-12-17T01:01:00Z")
I had to rack my brains for these. I suppose it would be more appropriate to name the screenwriter rather than the actor, but who remembers the name of the screenwriter? (Did you hear of the polish actress who, when she arrived in Hollywood, slept with all the writers?) “Well, it’s not the men in your life that counts, it’s the life in your men.” (Mae West) “I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I’d rather dance with the cows when you came home.” (Groucho Marx) “I am big. It’s the pictures that got small.” (Gloria Swanson) “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.” (Frank Morgan) “I don’t have to show you any stinking badges.” (? in treasure of the sierra madre) “Gentlemen. You can’t fight in here. This is the War Room!” (Peter Sellers) and my personal favourite “It took more than one man to change my name to Shanghai Lily.” (Marlene Dietrich) ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/5 "1999-12-17T01:13:00Z")
“Name’s Ash.” _ca-chik_ “Housewares.” – Sylence * * * I don’t have an evil side. Just a really, really apathetic one. ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/6 "1999-12-17T01:15:00Z")
I never drink … wine. (Obvious) Even a man who is pure of heart And says his prayers by night Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms And the full moon shines bright (It doesn’t scan, but I love it) (All the Wolfman movies) That’s FRANK-en-STINE! (Young Frankenstein, of course) Catrandom, brought up on Universal horror films 🙂 Let the wookie win! ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/7 "1999-12-17T01:19:00Z")
“My father says almost the whole world’s asleep. Everyone you see, everyone you talk to. He says only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement.” –Patricia Graynamore (Meg Ryan) in **Joe versus The Volcano** by John Patrick Shanley ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/8 "1999-12-17T01:41:00Z")
“Gentlemen! This is the War Room!” “So. What do like to do?” “Play chess…screw…” “Let’s play chess.” “We’re on a misson from God.” “I’m a drunkard.” “And that makes you a world-citizen.” I’ve probably botched half of these… ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/9 "1999-12-17T01:48:00Z")
Arnold: possibly a later spin? from “Blazing Saddles”, the muster of the bad-guys scene: “Badges? Badges! We don’t need no stinking _badges_!” And my favorite, from “Bridge on the River Kwai”, spoken by a POW camp commandant to prison/slave laborers: “Be happy in your work!” (The latter is more readily applicable in daily life.) Veb ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/10 "1999-12-17T02:30:00Z")
From _Drugstore Cowboy_: “You never fuck me, and I always have to drive.” ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/11 "1999-12-17T03:50:00Z")
Anything from The Princess Bride, but that’s been pretty thoroughly covered in another topic. “You know how to whistle, don’t you Steve? You just put your lips together and blow.” “Hey Goose, you big stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever.” “In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the… Anyone? Anyone? …the Great Depression, passed the… Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered? …raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. “Voodoo” economics.” “AnDREEEEW! Are you going to bring me a lemon, or am I going to have to squeeze one from my hat?” “I was a short, fat slut?” “Do you want to run my bath for me?” “It’s what I live for. Perhaps you would like me to wash your dick for you… you little shit.” “I thought you said your dog does not bite.” “That is not my dog.” “Well color me happy, there’s a sofa in here for two!” “Of course I don’t have my underwear. I’m definately not wearing my underwear. It’s not my underwear.” “You can’t handle the truth!” “Insanity runs in my family; it practically gallops.” “Alpha, Velveeta, Knuckle, Underwear you are cleared for takeoff.” “How about a nice game of chess?” “Death by stereo.” “I’m your number one fan.” “You stick out like a sore thumb around here” “Me? What about you?” “I fit in better than you. At least I’m wearin’ cowboy boots.” “Oh yeah, you blend.” "Did you say yewts? “Yeah, two youths” “What is a yewt?” “Oh excuse me your honor, two y o u t h s” “Oh a counter offer. That’s what we lawyers, I’m a lawyer… we call that a counter offer. This is a tough decision you give me here. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. I could use a good ass-kickin’, I’ll be perfectly honest with you… no I think I’ll just go with the two hundred.” “Imagine you’re a deer. You’re prancing around. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear water - BAM! A fuckin’ bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, do you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?!” “I’ll have what she’s having.” “Senior, we are Federales. You know, The Mounted Police.” “If you are the police, where are your badges?” “Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges. I don’t got to show you any stinkin’ badges!” “Rosebud.” * * * “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/12 "1999-12-17T04:01:00Z")
Shut your fuckin’ face, unclefucker! Blue 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/13 "1999-12-17T04:35:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Shut your fuckin’ face, unclefucker! Damn! I was singing that song the whole time while I was reading this thread. P: You’re a pig fucker, Terence! T: What makes you say that? P: Well, for one, you fuck pigs! T: Oh yeah! ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/14 "1999-12-17T05:44:00Z")
I forget the exact wording, but it’s something along the lines of: “Try not to suck any cocks on the way to the parking lot!” (Me: SCREAMING with laughter.) and the line by the resistance kid in South Park where he says something about “Did my mother give a damn when she thrust a coat hanger through my heart before I was born?” I remember being in a theater of people shocked into silence while I was shrieking with delight at that one. and from the new Toy Story: “oh, I get it…there’s a SNAKE…in my BOOT!” ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/15 "1999-12-17T06:12:00Z")
“I want an official Red Rider carbide-action 200-shot range model air rifle!” “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a half a tank of gas, 2 packs of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.” “I want to learn the ways of The Force and become a Jedi like my father.” “Either get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.” ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/16 "1999-12-17T06:19:00Z")
OH! I almost forgot the one I use in .wav format as my “buddy in” sound on Instant Messager – “HEED! PANTS! NOW!” * * * “There’s a snake in my boot!” ---
**Author:** ![GraceTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c4cdca/32.png) [@GraceTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraceTX)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/17 "1999-12-17T06:50:00Z")
You’ve been given a great gift, George. A chance to see what the world would be like without you Man looks in the abyss, there’s nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss. No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you! You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. ## I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT! I have weekends off, and I am my own boss. “Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.” ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/18 "1999-12-17T08:42:00Z")
“You found the marble in the oatmeal! That means that you get to drink from the _firehose_!” -Michael Richards, _UHF_ “It’s a thingy! An evil, fiendish thingy!” -George Harrison, _Help!_ “Earn this.” -Tom Hanks, _Saving Private Ryan_ “It’s twue! It’s twue!” -Madeline Kahn, _Blazing Saddles_ “I told you she had a sense of humor.” -The Metatron, _Dogma_ There are a good bunch of other quotes I consider great, but dare not respeak for fear of completely screwing them up (such as the “What I Believe” speech from _Bull Durham_.) * * * JMCJ Die, Prentiss, Die! You will never have a more glorious opportunity! ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/19 "1999-12-17T14:10:00Z")
_Arnold Winkelried: “I don’t have to show you any stinking badges.” (? in treasure of the sierra madre)_ _**Gold Hat (Alfonso Bedoya):**_ Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges. I don’t have to show you any stinking badges. * * * I looked in the mirror today/My eyes just didn’t seem so bright I’ve lost a few more hairs/I think I’m going bald - Rush ---
**Author:** ![MadPoet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 1999, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920/20 "1999-12-17T14:23:00Z")
“There’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude, but not all of them will bring you lasagna at work. Most just cheat on you.” “Champagne?” “Porthos, we’re in the middle of a chase!” “You’re right… something red.” “It’s a big shit sandwich and we’re all gonna take a bite” “My name is Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramierez, chief metallurgist to Prince Charles of Spain, and I am at your service” “My cousin Walter got a cat stuck in his ass once. True Story.” “But… you didn’t say ‘God Bless You’ when I sneezed.” “Loki!” “…you’re getting off light.” “I don’t believe in Voodoo!” “Come, son of Jar-El… Kneel before Zod! Snootchie Bootchies… hehehe…” “What, like the back of a Volkswagon?” “My name is Inigo Montoya… you killed my father… prepare to die.” “I shall come again…” * * * [http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com) Computers have let mankind make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of tequila and handguns. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-best-movie-lines/12920.md?page=2)