# New and improved limerick thread! **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [March 29, 2012, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141 "2012-03-29T12:57:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/1 "2012-03-29T12:57:51Z")
[Original reanimated thread here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=94927). Dirty/groanworthy or whatever, your choice! Likewise original or recycled. Each person will provide the first line for the next person (after they polish off theirs first of course). Here’s mine: There once was a hermit named Dave ---
**Author:** ![Pitchmeister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pitchmeister/32/3459_2.png) [@Pitchmeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pitchmeister)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/2 "2012-03-29T13:40:31Z")
There once was a hermit named Dave who spent all his life in a cave. I once came to visit, and said to him: “Is it because you’re reluctant to shave?” I know, I know, it’s not Shakespeare. Okay, here we go: There once was a German named Fritz ---
**Author:** ![hdc\_bst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/9f8e36/32.png) [@hdc\_bst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hdc_bst)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/3 "2012-03-29T15:12:16Z")
There once was a German named Fritz Equipped with mammoth sized bits The ladies would love it Til he tried to shove it Then complain ‘it just doesn’t fits’ And now: There was a young lady from Dallas… ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/4 "2012-03-29T16:00:59Z")
There was a young lady from Dallas, Who said, with a good deal of malice, “My cheap, stingy spouse Bought this cramped little house. I really SHOULD live in a palace.” “A cowboy went down to Laredo…” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2012, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/5 "2012-03-30T12:55:46Z")
A cowboy went down to Laredo Drunk & got shaved by Geofredo; But Geofredo was mean & he shaved that boy clean Now Nobody calls him Pendejo… “There once was a geezer from Dade” ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2012, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/6 "2012-03-30T14:47:59Z")
There once was a geezer from Dade Who went to Vegas to get laid Put his cash on 5 It hit 25 His satisfaction thus was hand-made. There once was a girl from Nantucket… ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2012, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/7 "2012-03-30T21:29:37Z")
There once was a girl from Nantucket Who rented her vagina for a ducet She spread her legs real wide Then the John peered inside And said “It looks like a bucket, but I’ll fuck it” There once was a girl in a canoe ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/8 "2012-04-01T01:17:05Z")
:sigh: I thought this was going to be a good thread… ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/9 "2012-04-01T02:26:46Z")
Hrm. I guess I can work with that. I thought this would be a good thread But it’s dirty and nasty instead! It’s all fucking and shaving And John misbehaving– And Fritz giving way too much head. “There once was a young man named Sue…” ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/10 "2012-04-01T02:50:28Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > There once was a girl in a canoe Who said, "goddamn, this thing doesn’t scan right! The emphasis should be on the next-to-last syllable and now my rhythm is totally thrown off! A neighborhood watchman from Sanford… ---
**Author:** ![Carnacki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@Carnacki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnacki)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/11 "2012-04-01T22:35:16Z")
A neighborhood watchman from Sanford – What he saw as a threat, he ran to-ward. Thought the threat was immense, Used ground-standing defense, His victim now pines for the fjord. And… A flea, and a fly, in a flue… ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/12 "2012-04-02T09:31:53Z")
A flea and a fly in a flue Were very outspoken, the two “Is the fireplace lit? So chilly is it!” Once it was, neither offered his view. “A pretty young thing of Khartoum…” ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/13 "2012-04-02T14:28:05Z")
A pretty young thing of Khartoum Deigned to explore the Pharoah’s tomb She met with a mummy And cried for her mommy But she had no brains to consume A horrid old hag from Haiti… ---
**Author:** ![jack\_burley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@jack\_burley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_burley)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-improved-limerick-thread/617141/14 "2012-12-05T16:39:15Z")
There one was a hag from Haiti Who must be as old as eighty. She thought she was florid Instead she was horrid I feel sorry for her husband the Kuwaiti A brat from Bengal