UncleBeer: 
Jack
Don’t laugh. I’ve seen the guy tenderly release two hedgehogs from a leg-hold trap. And I think I even noticed a tear in his steely blue eye.
No, it’s her that’s being charitable to the wholly undeserving me. She’s great; I’m just some average yutz.
Oh yeah. And my eyes are brown.
See, if you had said “The tears were from cutting up onions for the hedgehog-roasting pan,” you would have gotten a laugh. A laugh is nothing to be sneezed at.