# New and unimproved mini-rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 29, 2008, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670 "2008-09-29T04:34:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2008, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/261 "2008-11-06T18:14:58Z")
> [@Jaglavak](#): > > \ > I’d like to wish a hearty Fuck You to the snot excavating dipshits who decided to make my pickup beep and ding at me for every other thing I want it to do. I know the goddam door’s open. I want it open. \ I second this. I sometimes forget my lights are on, and I sometimes forget the key in the ignition, and I really appreciate the binging when my brain stalls. I have never in my multiple decades of driving a car needed a bing to tell me my door was open. Yeah, it’s open - my body is wedged in it vacuuming out the foot well. After my car is off warranty, I fully plan to excise the door open bing from my life. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2008, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/262 "2008-11-06T19:23:31Z")
Just ran across another one that’s been bugging me for a while (and boy, is it mini!). You know those lolcats, with their funny sayings and cute kittehs? It really gets under my skin how people write the captions. I can live with cats having bad grammar and spelling things phonetically, but people are not doing the captions right. I see a good example of this today - “Kitteh law #7 - Youz kleans it, I’z sleepz on it.” That would be better as “Kitteh law #7 - You kleens it, I sleepz on it.” There’s a fine line between lolcatese and gibberish, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/263 "2008-11-06T19:51:34Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > I am now plotting your demise. > > Of course, at this point you may welcome that release. > > Note to self: Send an email to Ba’al-zebub about the demons set aside for **Silver Tyger Girl**. You know the best way to get something out of your head? Play it over and over and over until you’re sick of it, infect other people, then play other music and go to bed. > [@WolfpackJeep](#): > > … > What in the _hell_ was that? > > (Which part is stuck in your head, the dancing or the music?) It’s apparently swedish, but it was used in some Japanese music video or something. And both - mostly the dancing. I kept looking up videos of convention-goers dancing too it. There are few things more amusing than Jack Sparrow, the Joker, and Naruto all dancing to the same music. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2008, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/264 "2008-11-06T20:34:31Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > You know the best way to get something out of your head? Play it over and over and over until you’re sick of it, infect other people, then play other music and go to bed. That may be, but I have a talent for revenge so I’ll stick with what I know. OTOH, I did post it to an IRC channel that I frequent and they’re roundly and soundly cursing me now so it hasn’t been all bad. btw: have you heard the [Mysterious Ticking Noise](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0loVd16NIOk)? ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2008, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/265 "2008-11-06T21:51:49Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > btw: have you heard the [Mysterious Ticking Noise](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0loVd16NIOk)? No, I hadn’t. Have you seen [this one?](http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=gRcj6CAhe7s) ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/266 "2008-11-07T00:22:44Z")
Loose: _adjective;_ free or released from fastening or attachment. Lose: _verb;_ to suffer the deprivation of. Learn the fucking difference, morons. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/267 "2008-11-07T17:41:18Z")
I’m taking the motherfucking GRE tomorrow and I’m apparently coming down with a fucking cold. I’m all congested and tired and my ears hurt. I have been perfectly, 100% healthy since last January and now I’m getting a goddamn cold the day before I take one of the most important exams of my fucking life. And if I fuck it up that’s $140 fucking dollars down the fucking drain. Fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/268 "2008-11-07T17:51:37Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > Loose: _adjective;_ free or released from fastening or attachment. > > Lose: _verb;_ to suffer the deprivation of. > > Learn the fucking difference, morons. Amen, **GuanoLad** , amen. With a minirant towards my moron self for never properly using _lay_ and _lie_ except in instances of dumb luck. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/269 "2008-11-07T18:10:37Z")
> [@Influential\_Panda](#): > > Fuck you, Czarcasm, for your feeble attempts at voter suppression. Dopers are tired of your failed, divisive politics and are ready to see a board where Wabbit Seasonists and Duck Seasonists can come together in spite of their differences. Where a man is judged by the content of his character, and not his preference of season. > > What a maroon. …what? Where? ---
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/270 "2008-11-07T18:17:05Z")
[Wabbit season: suspiciously closed.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=491426) [Duck season: curiously open.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=491425) What’s he got to hide? Who’s the _real_ Czarcasm? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/271 "2008-11-07T18:51:20Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > [Halle Berry as Catwoman](http://www.speedace.info/films_movies_actors/actors_films_images/catwoman_halle_berry_leather_costume.jpg) Do you have a black swim cap? 🙂 > > ([Halle without the mask.](http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/rsz/434/x/x/x/medias/nmedia/18/35/23/93/18383482.jpg)) [Found a wig.](http://www.flickr.com/photos/27580061@N05/3009987347/in/set-72157608734530536/) ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/272 "2008-11-08T16:48:36Z")
Fuck you Cupid. A week before my divorce is final, I run in to a woman who… [ul] [li]reads William Gibson,[/li][li]is hot,[/li][li]has a crush on Alton Brown,[/li][li]loves the Velvet Underground,[/li][li]says pickles and olives are her favorite foods,[/li][li]sees the deeper meaning in “G-L-O-R-I-A Gloria” by Van Morrison and Them,[/li][li]is single,[/li][li]has a job, and really good future job prospects,[/li][li]likes cats,[/li][li]is probably smarter than me,[/li][li]is hilarious,[/li][li]and is really, really in to me.[/li][/ul] Seriously, are you fucking kidding me? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/273 "2008-11-08T17:18:05Z")
> [@Influential\_Panda](#): > > [Wabbit season: suspiciously closed.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=491426) > [Duck season: curiously open.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=491425) > > What’s he got to hide? Who’s the _real_ Czarcasm? Don’t know what you’re getting at, Doc. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/274 "2008-11-08T21:22:19Z")
My sister. I’m just… not going to get into more. I will never ever ever understand her. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/275 "2008-11-08T23:14:02Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > A week before my divorce is final, I run in to a woman who… > > _snip_ > > Seriously, are you fucking kidding me? Er… I don’t get it. Why rant about something as good as this? ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2008, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/276 "2008-11-08T23:34:08Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > Er… I don’t get it. Why rant about something as good as this? I had this whole plan to tomcat around for a year and make a complete manslut of myself. That year has now been cut down to negative seven days, because there’s no way I can let this one get away without a fight. Most of my friends, who originally said stuff like “Don’t you DARE fall in love with anybody for awhile, you fucking idiot,” are now going “Yeah. She’s perfect for you. Forget everything we just said.” Jeez. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/277 "2008-11-09T00:12:47Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > My sister. I’m just… not going to get into more. I will never ever ever understand her. Maybe we should start a club? ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/278 "2008-11-09T03:17:23Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > Maybe we should start a club? What did yours do recently? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/279 "2008-11-09T03:36:08Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > What did yours do recently? Here’s a [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=491876) about my latest go-round with her. Saying she’s incomprehensible isn’t fair, though. Just hugely frustrating to deal with. ETA: And don’t forget the post [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10386330&postcount=241) in this thread, either. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2008, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670/280 "2008-11-09T05:58:47Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > [Found a wig.](http://www.flickr.com/photos/27580061@N05/3009987347/in/set-72157608734530536/) That worked really nicely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-mini-rants/465670.md?page=15)