# New and Unimproved Workplace Rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 14, 2015, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638 "2015-10-14T15:44:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 57
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2017, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1121 "2017-02-09T23:50:55Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > Your post was not adequate to understand that that was the only thing she wrote. Maybe you should go back and look at it with a fresh eye? Yeah. It was. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2017, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1122 "2017-02-09T23:56:30Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Most of us are intelligent and experienced enough to recognize that a name and phone number on an application isn’t sufficient. The reader would have had to assume that she put ONLY her name and phone number and “anytime” on the application. This may have been implied but it was not explicitly stated. No big deal, I asked for clarification and got it. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2017, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1123 "2017-02-09T23:58:10Z")
Jesus Christ, people. I didn’t have to deal with this much nitpicking when I defended my Master’s thesis! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1124 "2017-02-10T00:11:15Z")
> [@Catamount](#): > > She put down her name, phone number and “anytime” for the “When is the best time to contact you?” question. Then she handed the application back in, said “I’ll wait for your call!” and walked out. > [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > The reader would have had to assume that she put ONLY her name and phone number and “anytime” on the application. This may have been implied but it was not explicitly stated. No big deal, I asked for clarification and got it. Thanks. The reader has to “assume” exactly what he said. Got it. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1125 "2017-02-10T00:40:50Z")
> [@Catamount](#): > > Jesus Christ, people. I didn’t have to deal with this much nitpicking when I defended my Master’s thesis! :rolleyes: Yeah but the people reading your thesis could actually, you know, read. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1126 "2017-02-10T02:36:35Z")
> [@Srsly\_Dad](#): > > My company even came up with a new wrinkle for this. We use a 1 to 5 scale > > 5 = Transformed the company by working across many departments > 4 = Exceeds Expectations > 3 = Meets Expectations > 2 = Needs Improvement > 1= You suck > > Basically only executives or someone assigned almost full time to a “Special Project” can get a 5 the way the full definition is written. > A 2 has to be on a formal performance improvement plan (documented improvement or get fired), so a 1 is someone who should have already been fired, thus no manager would give a 1. > > So most people are either a 3 or 4, and of course only a certain percentage of 4’s can be given. > > Fairly standard, but… > > We have a bonus system based on company performance 0%-14% based on the company financial results and now the following also applies > > 5 = 150% bonus multiplier > 4 = 125% bonus multiplier > 3 = 100% bonus multiplier > 2 = 50% bonus multiplier > 1 = no bonus > > Then they really let Catbert do his thing. > > If you get rated a 4 then for next year your expectations are raised making it harder to Exceed Expectations and get a 4. > > Added bonus, they rolled this out in the middle of the year and announced they were going to use the new rating criteria for the current year evaluations, but not the bonus multipliers. So when I got my 4, I got no bonus multiplier and increased expectations for next year. Ours is almost identical, except the numbers are flipped (1 is best), right down to the fucking bonus multiplier. I lost out on several thousand dollars because of that. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1127 "2017-02-10T03:09:22Z")
God I hate those ratings systems. Always depends on what you’ve been allowed to or had the opportunity to work on in the previous year and the quality of your manager. Like my previous “Superman” manager (had the logo above his desk and on the front of his camper :smack: ) and ludicrous micro-manager, who basically viewed everyone who worked for him as only marginally acceptable and would brook NO ONE on his team really standing out because he thought it detracted from his own glory. (What a fucking jackass he was). Then too I always remember a co-worker about 10 years ago when we had to do 1-5 self-evaluations and our director straight out told us that no one should be giving themselves a 5 in anything. Dipshit was the laziest asshole in the department but gave himself all 4’s and 5’s. :rolleyes: He didn’t last long past that. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1128 "2017-02-10T05:24:38Z")
> [@Catamount](#): > > I thought that I’d seen all the different ways that people could fail at filling out applications. I was wrong. A lady comes in today to fill out an application. She put down her name, phone number and “anytime” for the “When is the best time to contact you?” question. Then she handed the application back in, said “I’ll wait for your call!” and walked out. > > Don’t bother, honey. Your application went straight to the bottom File 13. > [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I’m sorry, I’m not following why this is so very horrible. Is it because “any time” should have been two words? Is it because, even if she is always available, she should have specified a time anyway? Is it because the rest of the application was empty (not clear from the anecdote)? Is it because of what she said when she left? > > Thank heavens I am retired and don’t have to worry about this stuff any more, clearly I would not make it in today’s job market. I parsed it as the name, number, and “anytime” being ALL she put on the application. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1129 "2017-02-10T06:31:42Z")
> [@Catamount](#): > > I thought that I’d seen all the different ways that people could fail at filling out applications. I was wrong. A lady comes in today to fill out an application. She put down her name, phone number and “anytime” for the “When is the best time to contact you?” question. Then she handed the application back in, said “I’ll wait for your call!” and walked out. > > Don’t bother, honey. Your application went straight to the bottom File 13. I might have been inclined to reward her self-confidence by calling her immediately, and inviting her to return and FILL OUT the application. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1130 "2017-02-10T16:06:51Z")
I’m just sitting at work, knowing that the person sitting 20 feet from me is going to be fired today. Hearing them talk about their Valentine’s Day plans, happy hours they plan on going to next week, etc. I heard their boss ask if they would be done with a certain project before lunch, so I’m anticipating a Friday afternoon “meeting,” but in the interim, it’s making me a little uncomfortable. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1131 "2017-02-10T17:34:56Z")
> [@](#): > > 5 = Transformed the company by working across many departments > 4 = Exceeds Expectations > 3 = Meets Expectations > 2 = Needs Improvement > 1= You suck I have the same yearly review conversation: PHB: “Your work is invaluable and you are one of our best performers, you definitely exceed expectations. However, at your level it’s expected that you exceed expectations, so we can’t rate you as Exceeds Expectations but instead have to rate you as Meets Expectations. Keep up with the great work!” Me: “Umm…thanks?” ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1132 "2017-02-10T18:18:54Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > I have the same yearly review conversation: > > PHB: “Your work is invaluable and you are one of our best performers, you definitely exceed expectations. However, at your level it’s expected that you exceed expectations, so we can’t rate you as Exceeds Expectations but instead have to rate you as Meets Expectations. Keep up with the great work!” > > Me: “Umm…thanks?” As a friend of mine once said to her boss, if I can’t get a 1 no matter what I do, then what’s the point of trying to? I can do less work and still get the same rating. ---
**Author:** ![Srsly\_Dad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@Srsly\_Dad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Srsly_Dad)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1133 "2017-02-10T21:13:56Z")
That all reminds me of [Ultra Stretchy Goals](http://dilbert.com/strip/2005-04-10) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1134 "2017-02-16T04:28:07Z")
Having meetings all this week, in offices whose HVAC doesn’t sit well with my throat. According to a scolding Bossette sent by email, I am not allowed to chew gum or eat candy during meetings. I’m looking forward to letting my scratchy throat go coughCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH **COUGH**. The whole scolding read like something out of a nun who’s still trying to be the teacher’s favorite student. It was her first visit to this country; I’ve worked three years here previously, in different companies. Chewing gum as a strategy to keep your throat wet is perfectly acceptable; between half and all the client’s people were doing it at any given time. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1135 "2017-02-16T12:09:56Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > According to a scolding Bossette sent by email, I am not allowed to chew gum or eat candy during meetings. I’m looking forward to letting my scratchy throat go coughCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH **COUGH**. The whole scolding read like something out of a nun who’s still trying to be the teacher’s favorite student. It was her first visit to this country; I’ve worked three years here previously, in different companies. Chewing gum as a strategy to keep your throat wet is perfectly acceptable; between half and all the client’s people were doing it at any given time. What’s Now Current Employer allows us to keep bottled water on hand as long as the bottle has one of those pop-up “sports” caps to minimize leakage. It’s been heaven given the general HVAC and especially for me working in an area with very little ventilation. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1136 "2017-02-16T18:57:45Z")
Is it a workplace rant if it’s a potential workplace/s? I’ve been in the hiring process for a job I really want since the beginning of October. They indicated it would be a few month process, but I got the idea that it would be over in January or so. So to hedge my bet, I applied for a couple of ‘backup’ jobs in case something about this one didn’t pan out. I should mention that I’m currently employed but more or less miserable…so I want out ASAP. Opportunity #1 is good enough to wait around for, though. Well it has been dragging out much longer than I expected. On Monday I accepted a tentative job offer from them, BUT pending the results of a polygraph, phsych eval, and physical. So there is still plenty that could go wrong. They set my start date to March 6, which gives me enough time to let my employer know I might be bailing, but I can’t actually submit my resignation until I have something concrete, y’know? Well in the meantime, it’s been so much longer than I anticipated that I actually interviewed for a backup yesterday…and all the signs of the after-interview correspondence would indicate that I am at least one of the to candidates, if not the top pick. They indicate they’d like to make an offer to someone tomorrow. The rub is that I haven’t even done any of the 3 hurdles for #1 yet…phych eval is tomorrow, and THEN after the results of that they’ll schedule the other 2. So it’s entirely possible that I will be stuck with a solid job offer from #2, (which is a neat-looking job that my vacation and retirement transfers to) and a tentative job offer from #1 (super-cool job and absolutely my first pick) where something could still go wrong. I just don’t see the timelines working out in my favor. The initial objective was that by the time the interview for #2 rolled around, I would already know about #1…so I could rescind my application or carry on, depending how #1 panned out. Now I’m stuck in this crappy situation of either 1. accepting #2 because it’s a sure thing or 2. turning down #2 with no guarantee #1 is going to pan out…in which case I’d say there’s a definite non-zero chance that something happens and they don’t end up hiring me. Fuck me. And fuck birds in hands and bushes. ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1137 "2017-02-17T16:14:05Z")
Tell the first job that you have a pending offer from the second job and ask politely if they’d like to accelerate their process. They may, you won’t know unless you ask. And you’re right… never quit your current job until you have the new job offer in writing! ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1138 "2017-02-17T18:36:37Z")
> [@JcWoman](#): > > And you’re right… never quit your current job until you have the new job offer in writing! I have an addendum to the above, but first… A million times this, even if it is a job you hate, because a paycheck is a paycheck. Friend of mine loathed his job and heard about an _EXCITING NEW OPPORTUNITY!!!_ where he could make 6 figures by the end of his first year. He quit his job and told me the name of this miracle company. I Googled it, read some employee (mostly former) reviews, and it was essentially a mix of cold calls, store demos, and a pyramid scheme, selling knives. So, for the second-round “interview,” he and 3 other people are basically shadowing the manager as they drive around, go to restaurants to pitch it, grocery stores to stage demonstrations, etc. Of course, they are all in the manager’s car. They do a late lunch at Taco Cabana, at which point my friend tells the manager that he didn’t think the job was right for him, and that it wasn’t as advertised / pitched. The manager said that’s fine, but they didn’t have time to take him back to the office to get his car, and they didn’t want to waste their time lugging him around with his negativity. Friend had to call an Uber to take him to his car (about $25) so he could drive home. I still tease him that he found a way to have an interview / job cost him money. So, don’t quit a job until you have another lined up, and don’t disparage a company / job until you have an exit strategy. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2017, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1139 "2017-02-17T19:46:40Z")
I have a good friend whose dream job was dragging their feet, and sure enough she got a firm offer from her second-best job. Told that to Job Numero Uno whose CEO said “We want you, we just can’t make an offer for another month or so…” Sho’ nuff, she took the second-best job, and the best job called her back a month later (with a job with more challenging responsibilities than the “second-besties” were giving her). So she jumped ship! She still feels bad that she was only at the other job a month (but the woman that was her interviewer and supervisor there has stayed a friend). She’s so happy that it all turned out well that my advice is: if you take second-best, keep lines of communication open with your first place job. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2017, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638/1140 "2017-02-22T18:23:48Z")
> [@JcWoman](#): > > Tell the first job that you have a pending offer from the second job and ask politely if they’d like to accelerate their process. They may, you won’t know unless you ask. > > And you’re right… never quit your current job until you have the new job offer in writing! So yeah, things just got real with this. I do now as of about 20 minutes ago have an offer from Job #2, and still no word on moving along in the process from Job #1. I did my psych eval on Friday and they are supposed to contact me when they have reviewed the results of that, but honestly I didn’t expect it to take this long. What an awkward position I’m in. It sure is tempting to just be up front and say hey, this process has dragged out so long that a backup that wasn’t even supposed to reach the interview stage has now come to fruition. That might be a little aggressive, though :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638.md?page=56) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-and-unimproved-workplace-rants/734638.md?page=58)