# New book for kids: ""Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 21, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777 "2005-09-21T20:48:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/1 "2005-09-21T20:48:41Z")
[I’m not making this up.](http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2005/9/emw283930.htm) I mean, if I did, it would be such an obvious (to the point of stupidity) heavy-handed parody of conservative paranoia. But damned if it ain’t real. [It’s even on Amazon.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0976726904/qid=1127335770/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-4717543-0979805?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) > [@](#): > > Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in taxes, take down their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with every glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living in Liberaland. Awww, how kyoooot!!! It’s never too young to learn about the effective use of straw-men and caricaturing people you don’t like. What’s _really_ amusing is that, back when the Soviets did this sorta stuff, conservatives used to call it by its proper name - _indoctrination_. How quickly we forget! ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/2 "2005-09-21T20:52:30Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > [I’m not making this up.](http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2005/9/emw283930.htm) I mean, if I did, it would be such an obvious (to the point of stupidity) heavy-handed parody of conservative paranoia. > > But damned if it ain’t real. [It’s even on Amazon.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0976726904/qid=1127335770/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-4717543-0979805?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) > > Awww, how kyoooot!!! It’s never too young to learn about the effective use of straw-men and caricaturing people you don’t like. > > What’s _really_ amusing is that, back when the Soviets did this sorta stuff, conservatives used to call it by its proper name - _indoctrination_. How quickly we forget! Are there any children’s books which are fairly described as _indoctrination_ for a liberal point of view? ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/3 "2005-09-21T20:53:47Z")
I think it’s cute. Relax. ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/4 "2005-09-21T20:55:12Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Are there any children’s books which are fairly described as _indoctrination_ for a liberal point of view? Yes. _The rest of them!_ [scary music] Duh, Duh, Duunnn… [/scary music] You are aware of the liberal bias in children’s publishing these days, right? ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/5 "2005-09-21T20:58:04Z")
I wish there were liberals under _my_ bed. Hot, lesbian ones! ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/6 "2005-09-21T20:59:12Z")
> [@Debaser](#): > > Yes. _The rest of them!_ > > [scary music] > Duh, Duh, Duunnn… > [/scary music] > > You are aware of the liberal bias in children’s publishing these days, right? You mean the ones that talk about fairness, sharing, and being nice to others? ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/7 "2005-09-21T21:02:19Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > What’s _really_ amusing is that, back when the Soviets did this sorta stuff, conservatives used to call it by its proper name - _indoctrination_. How quickly we forget! Nah. I think what’s really amusing are some of the reviews: > [@](#): > > This women is delusional, not only should she not subject children to her own 4 year old mentality, she actually thinks that capatalism is substanable? Hellooooooooo,wake up! > [@](#): > > This is truly the curse of America as free speech is morphed into hate speech. I say buy the book, and don’t forget to take it your weekly book burning. > [@](#): > > Mein Kampf would be a great companion to this book! > [@](#): > > If there is one thing that truly disgusts me beyond words, it is child abuse. . . . Would this book be well received if it were called “Help! Mom! There are homosexuals under my bed!”? Or “Help! Mom! There are Jews under my bed!”? I should certainly hope not. In fact, these days, a person could probably get burned at the stake if they tried publishing a book like that (and rightfully so). Why should this be any different? . . . Treat this book the same way you’d treat a book called “Help! Mom! There are niggers under my bed!”. > [@](#): > > What a filthy load of brainwashing material this book (that can easily be recycled or burned, I might add) is! What has the picture book industry come to when trite like this can be publshed! I’ll be crossing my fingers in hope that this book is boycotted and/or a favorite at book burning protests! ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/8 "2005-09-21T21:02:33Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > I wish there were liberals under _my_ bed. > > Hot, lesbian ones! I’m sorry. Due to a change in values, now the only lesbians avalible in the “Things hidden under your bed at night” department are so-so-looking closeted republican lesbians, married to men and only now realizing their sexuality. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/9 "2005-09-21T21:05:06Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > You mean the ones that talk about fairness, sharing, and being nice to others? Commie. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/10 "2005-09-21T21:07:52Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > What’s _really_ amusing is that, back when the Soviets did this sorta stuff, conservatives used to call it by its proper name - _indoctrination_. How quickly we forget! And what do you call books of the “Timmy has two dads” genre? They are nothing but attempts to indoctrinate children early with the idea that gay couples are normal and OK. Now that happens to be something I believe in, but I’m not to blinded by ideology not to see it for exactly what it is. There are parents out there who do not believe that gay couples are normal or OK, don’t they have the right to give their kids books that teach the values that they hold? (Frankly, the piece you quoted about the lemonade stand seems spot on. I wish more kids would be taught that we need the government OUT of our lives, not further IN.) ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/11 "2005-09-21T21:09:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in taxes, **take down their picture of Jesus,** and serve broccoli with every glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living in Liberaland. Well, if it were Conservativeland Tommy and Lou wouldn’t have been able to get their lemonade stand funded by the state in the first place 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/12 "2005-09-21T21:11:08Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Are there any children’s books which are fairly described as _indoctrination_ for a liberal point of view? Well, I dunno, **Bricker**. It’s hard to find children’s books that try to persuade kids that no glass of lemonade is truly complete unless it’s washing down a yummy snack of broccoli florets. 🙂 I spose you’re talking about books like “Heather Has Two Mommies,” but then the question arises, is it _indoctrination_ if you’re simply sharing the truth? ---
**Author:** ![duality72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duality72/32/3910_2.png) [@duality72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duality72)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/13 "2005-09-21T21:11:27Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Are there any children’s books which are fairly described as _indoctrination_ for a liberal point of view? [Yes](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0892213329/102-9473123-6678525?v=glance). ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/14 "2005-09-21T21:20:49Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Are there any children’s books which are fairly described as _indoctrination_ for a liberal point of view? Well, it doesn’t demonize anyone, so perhaps it doesn’t count, but Click, Clack, Moo: Cows that Type explores the world of labor-management relations from a slightly leftward perspective. But neither that, nor any other book offered openly for acceptance or rejection by the public, can fairly be called indoctrination. Propaganda, sure, but not indoctrination. Conservatives might as well worry about all the emphasis on _sharing_ that we force on our children. I’m not overly concerned about this, and I’m pretty far left of center. The book might be well-written and funny, although the author doesn’t sound like a light-hearted person. Liberals (more so, the bureacracies they tend to favor) _can_ be officious, meddling do-gooders (and I hope to heaven we don’t prove it by getting all worked up over a book we don’t like). I think the publishers are on to something. I actually hope this becomes a series. Next up: –\*\*There’s a conservative under my bed \*\* – Because Lou might _not_ be a girl’s name. – **There’s a libertarian under my bed** – Explaining why it’s okay to save money by using floor cleaner as flavoring as long as they don’t force anyone to drink it. – **Pat Buchanan is under my bed** – Checking for recent immigrants. – **Dick Cheney is under my bed** – But we can’t reveal that information to anyone. – **Jeff Gannon is under my bed** – And the conservative is beginning to feel very conflicted. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/15 "2005-09-21T21:20:59Z")
> [@Weirddave](#): > > And what do you call books of the “Timmy has two dads” genre? They are nothing but attempts to indoctrinate children early with the idea that gay couples are normal and OK. Now that happens to be something I believe in, but I’m not to blinded by ideology not to see it for exactly what it is. There are parents out there who do not believe that gay couples are normal or OK, don’t they have the right to give their kids books that teach the values that they hold? > > (Frankly, the piece you quoted about the lemonade stand seems spot on. I wish more kids would be taught that we need the government OUT of our lives, not further IN.) I see your point here, but I personally have a hard time equating a book that has a message of ‘It’s okay to accept people for being gay’ with a book that says ‘It’s okay to hate liberals.’ But, hey, First Amendment. I just shake my head and laugh at the crazy sidewalk preachers too. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/16 "2005-09-21T21:22:01Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Well, I dunno, **Bricker**. It’s hard to find children’s books that try to persuade kids that no glass of lemonade is truly complete unless it’s washing down a yummy snack of broccoli florets. 🙂 > > I spose you’re talking about books like “Heather Has Two Mommies,” but then the question arises, is it _indoctrination_ if you’re simply sharing the truth? No, I’d say it’s not indoctrination if you’re sharing the truth. I’d say a requirement for “the truth,” though, is it be objectively verifiable and factual, or intended to teach objectively verifiable facts. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/17 "2005-09-21T21:26:18Z")
My favorite part is the note from the publisher: > [@](#): > > But with the nation’s libraries and classrooms filled with overtly liberal children’s books advocating everything from gay marriage to **marijuana use** , kids everywhere are being deluged with left-wing propaganda. (emphasis mine) What the hell? Which children’s books are telling kids to light up? “Curious George Gets Really Baked”? “Hop on Pop”? “Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Abandoned VW Van”? More importantly, why didn’t I get to read them when I was a kid? ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/18 "2005-09-21T21:28:47Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > No, I’d say it’s not indoctrination if you’re sharing the truth. > > I’d say a requirement for “the truth,” though, is it be objectively verifiable and factual, or intended to teach objectively verifiable facts. Have you read anything about the book? I have, and I wouldn’t say it fits within the parameters of “verifiable, factual, or intended to teach objectively verificable facts.” It’s about a couple kids who open a lemonade stand. First their tax rate goes up to 50% so the government can buy dustpans for poor children to wear as shoes. Then they are told to take down a picture of Jesus they have on their stand. Finally they’re told they must give out broccoli along with each cup of lemonade they sell. Tell me which of those scenarios is even analagous to anything in the real world. The closest may be taxes, the rest are pretty much completely out there. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/19 "2005-09-21T21:30:02Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > My favorite part is the note from the publisher: > (emphasis mine) What the hell? Which children’s books are telling kids to light up? “Curious George Gets Really Baked”? “Hop on Pop”? “Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Abandoned VW Van”? > > More importantly, why didn’t I get to read them when I was a kid? Without having read it, perhaps [this](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0976011700/qid=1127338897/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-8899178-4157736?v=glance&s=books)? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777/20 "2005-09-21T21:32:09Z")
> [@Weirddave](#): > > And what do you call books of the “Timmy has two dads” genre? They are nothing but attempts to indoctrinate children early with the idea that gay couples are normal and OK. See below. > [@](#): > > Now that happens to be something I believe in, but I’m not to blinded by ideology not to see it for exactly what it is. I see it as what they’d figure out for themselves if nobody was doing any indoctrination any which way. Which is why I can’t regard it as indoctrination. It’s like if I wrote a book teaching kids that if they jump in puddles on the way to school, they’ll go to school in wet clothes, is that indoctrination? Few would say so. > [@](#): > > There are parents out there who do not believe that gay couples are normal or OK, don’t they have the right to give their kids books that teach the values that they hold? There certainly are. And they have the right to do this in any manner they want to. However, most Americans with this point of view are of one or another of the Abrahamic faiths (Christianity, Judaism, Islam), and all three of these belief systems warn rather strongly against bearing false witness. So I’d expect them to do so in a way that doesn’t distort the truth. Which pretty much leaves them saying lamely, “there’s no evidence that gay couples are any different from straight couples, but we believe homosexuality is immoral.” Unfortunately, this is not the approach they take, so I can cheerfully point out that they’re a bunch of raving hypocrites who think it’s more important to trash homos than to follow the tenets of their own faith. > [@](#): > > Frankly, the piece you quoted about the lemonade stand seems spot on. Yeah, government officials are _always_ going into private businesses and demanding they take down religious symbols. [hijack] Say, how do you like the way we’re appeasing the Shi’ite fundamentalists in Iraq? 😃 [/hijack] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-book-for-kids-help-mom-there-are-liberals-under-my-bed/322777.md?page=2)