# New Chick Tract- "Fairy Tales?" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 5, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929 "2007-05-05T22:43:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/1 "2007-05-05T22:43:07Z")
Okay, now it’s back to the good stuff! After a few months of traditional Christian fare, Chick Publications is back with perhaps one of its most unintentionally hilarious tracts yet- [Fairy Tales?](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1033/1033_01.asp?wpc=1033_01.asp&wpp=b) A prisoner is to be executed for his crimes against humanity. His parents told him the stories about Santa and the Easter Bunny. He lumped Jesus in with them after learning the truth. Big mistake. It’s a good plot, but the flashback part is unbelievable. When the kid was 8 years old, he **killed another student for telling him that Santa Claus doesn’t exist**. He is then **strapped down** because of his volatile personality. I realize it’s easy for people who have thought everyone else was “different” from they are to snap and kill others (see also: Columbine, Virginia Tech), but the revelation that Santa is a fictional character doesn’t really sound like something to murder over. (I also thought it strange at first that bin Laden appears to be smiling, but that’s actually what [the FBI’s photo of him](http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/topten/fugitives/laden.htm) looks like.) ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/2 "2007-05-05T22:56:55Z")
The expression on the Easter Bunny’s face is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. ---
**Author:** ![BrightNShiny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@BrightNShiny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrightNShiny)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/3 "2007-05-05T23:10:09Z")
I’m confused. If you’re a Christian but you tell your kids about Santa Claus, does that mean you go to hell too? ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/4 "2007-05-05T23:11:46Z")
This seems poorly thought out even for a Chick tract. Kids become psychotic murderers and reject Christ when they learn the truth about Santa Claus? I’d have guessed that most of the tract’s target audience were once kids who believed in Santa Claus, and yet didn’t transform into deranged homicidal anti-theists when they learned the truth. I concede that I may be mistaken, though. As a precaution, I’ve been searching for more information on Harry Gardner, but strangely enough I haven’t been able to locate any other details of his crimes, or when he was added to the FBI Most Wanted list. It’s almost as though this “Harry Gardner” were just a fictional character that Chick made up out of thin air, but obviously that can’t be true. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/5 "2007-05-05T23:13:57Z")
It’s a pseudonym. Harry’s real last name is Potter. ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/6 "2007-05-05T23:32:48Z")
Well I am sure you have heard that “SANTA CLAUSE” is an anagram for “SATAN AUCLES”. ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/7 "2007-05-05T23:45:24Z")
I’m confused about the big burly tattooed “FAIRY” in a dress on the cover. How the heck does he relate to the story? I was highly disappointed that he never reappeared. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/8 "2007-05-05T23:50:57Z")
[QUOTE=kaylasdad99] It’s a pseudonym. Harry’s real last name is Potter. [/QUOTE] Really? Everyone said Harry Potter wasn’t _ **real** _… but I’ll _ **never** _ stop believing in him, _ **ever!** _ Cuz you _ **promised** _ he was real, and you’d _ **never** _ lie! …Right? Harry Potter is _ **real** _… ☹ [right, **kaylasdad99**?](http://www.whitless.com/NONAME7.jpg) ☹ ---
**Author:** ![wendigo1974](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@wendigo1974](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wendigo1974)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/9 "2007-05-05T23:56:47Z")
On the plus side Chick likes to play up the angry/shouty side of God. On the downside he TIITA 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/10 "2007-05-06T00:25:30Z")
[QUOTE=friedo] The expression on the Easter Bunny’s face is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. [/QUOTE] Yeah, that is funny, but I started cracking up at “Jamal.” (What–no Tyquan or some-such?) And when I saw the cornrows? Too much, just too fucking MUCH! I hope that Chick Tracts are with us for a long, long time, 'cause the shit is simply too funny! And **wendigo1974** , please fight my ignorance. What’s TIITA? Oh, wait…could that be “took it in the ass”? And, if so, I’m still 😕 . I mean, did the angry/shouty God take it in the ass? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/11 "2007-05-06T00:49:23Z")
Does the young Harry threatening the judge remind anyone else of [James Cagney?](http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d90/foffwankers/cagney10.jpg) “You dirty rat! When I get out, you’re next, see? Yeah!” ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/12 "2007-05-06T00:58:38Z")
Ooh, I think this is the best Chick Tract yet. See, if only they’d medicated the obviously mentally ill Harry instead of preaching to him all the time, he might have been able to turn his life around before the inevitable end. Right? That’s…no? That’s not the moral of the story? Telling your kids about Santa is bad? It makes them kill people? Really? 😕 But seriously, that one is some comedy gold. Definitely in my top five favorites of all time. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/13 "2007-05-06T01:04:27Z")
Anyone else thought that this thread would be about an anti-men diatribe by a woman (or women) who have been wronged once too many times? Perhaps caviling about how men have this idealized female image in their minds that they unconsciously compare every woman to (hence the “Fairy Tale” aspect)? “Chick”=“Christian”? Who came up with that? Too confusing-choose another moniker. ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/14 "2007-05-06T01:11:28Z")
[QUOTE=John DiFool] Anyone else thought that this thread would be about an anti-men diatribe by a woman (or women) who have been wronged once too many times? Perhaps caviling about how men have this idealized female image in their minds that they unconsciously compare every woman to (hence the “Fairy Tale” aspect)? “Chick”=“Christian”? Who came up with that? Too confusing-choose another moniker. [/QUOTE] Jack T. Chick himself came up with it. I suppose if you didn’t know what Chick Publications produce it _would_ be confusing, but it’s also a distinctive name and, I must say, once you’ve been exposed to the Chick tracts you’re never going to forget what they are. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/15 "2007-05-06T02:19:48Z")
I’ve seen Chick tracts that were a lot more offensive then this one, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen one that was more confusing. If I’m following the plot correctly, the kid’s “sin” was that he lost faith. Doesn’t Chick realize the implications of using Santa Claus as a metaphor for Jesus? ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/16 "2007-05-06T02:35:07Z")
[QUOTE=Terrifel] As a precaution, I’ve been searching for more information on Harry Gardner, but strangely enough I haven’t been able to locate any other details of his crimes, or when he was added to the FBI Most Wanted list. It’s almost as though this “Harry Gardner” were just a fictional character that Chick made up out of thin air, but obviously that can’t be true. [/QUOTE] That’s because you’ve been spelling his last name wrong. It’s Garner- no “D.” Also, he’s dead now, so you don’t have to worry about him. I just noticed a line in the tract that amuses me for some reason: “Yo, Chaplain Lorenzo, how’d _you_ get in? The warden **hates** your guts.” I had no idea that an employee of a state-run facility was able to reject entry of individuals based on personal dislike. To give a prisoner his last rites, Chaplain Lorenzo presumably has to sneak into the prison somehow. Now that I’d like to see. Also, Harry’s facial expression in the 28th panel cracks me up. ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/17 "2007-05-06T02:38:18Z")
That’s pretty much what made it so funny to me, **Little Nemo**. It’s almost entirely nonsensical. I’m not actually sure what the point of the whole thing is. Obviously, the parents “lying” about Santa is being shown negatively. This is what leads him to murder people at eight years old and become an atheist. Even within the context of the tract the connection between not believing the story about Santa and not believing in God is made, and…there isn’t any reason for him to believe in God at all. There’s just people telling him about Santa in the beginning, and people telling him about God in the end. It’s so bizarre, it’s almost like it’s arguing _against_ Christianity. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/18 "2007-05-06T02:44:16Z")
I love that there’s an archaeologist among the “evil people”. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/19 "2007-05-06T02:57:30Z")
[QUOTE=r4nd0mNumb3rs] I love that there’s an archaeologist among the “evil people”. [/QUOTE] I took him to be a paleontologist gathering phony evidence to support (gasp!) evolution. Right up there the Wicked Witch of the West. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2007, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929/20 "2007-05-06T03:01:06Z")
For some reason, R. Lee Ermey is also a minion of darkness. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-fairy-tales/402929.md?page=2)