# New Chick Tract: "Here, Kitty, Kitty" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 5, 2006, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473 "2006-09-05T03:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/1 "2006-09-05T03:41:34Z")
I seem to have somehow become the unofficial SDMB Keeper of the Chick Tracts, and here’s a new one for Halloween 2006: [Here, Kitty Kitty!](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1032/1032_01.asp?wpc=1032_01.asp&wpp=b) In this tract, which appears to have been drawn by special guest artist The Reanimated Corpse of Charles M. Schulz, a group of kids plan to cast a dark spell which somehow involves killing a cat to put a curse on their teacher. But Miss Johnson knows that Jesus will protect her! I love the shot of Jesus waving goodbye to his Dad and jumping off of his cloud to go to Earth. Although for some reason he looks like Fu Manchu in the shot where he exits his tomb. Also, a new “black tract:” [Soul Sisters](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1105/1105_01.asp), an African-American version of 1996’s [Best Friend](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0033/0033_01.asp). Apparently, God is a white man and Jesus is black- unless that black angel with a face who banishes Adam and Eve is also God. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/2 "2006-09-05T03:51:03Z")
😕 Did Charles Schulz get resurrected… wrongly? Or maybe it was something like Brundlefly? Whatever, the kids got off easy. Why weren’t they cast into the Fires of Hell immediately, like in other Chick tracts? An admonition to do your homework? :rolleyes: Why, back in my day Jack Chick sent millions to hell on a mere whim, why I remember when he condemned the entire Roman Catholic faith to Hell! Billions, I tells ya, billions! There was none of this modern, librul, namby-pamby whiny, sissy-boy “go do your homework and sin no more” crapola, nosirree, we were told that we would go straight to hell if we had but one transgression… _and we were grateful_! Why, I even… hey, you kids! Get off my lawn! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/3 "2006-09-05T03:51:35Z")
It’s even better if you imagine Miss Johnson saying “wah-wah-wah-wah” everytime she talks. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/4 "2006-09-05T03:54:44Z")
But my question is, Miss Johnson says that the magic spell won’t work on her because Jesus is protecting her. So if she was some godless Jew or Muslim or Catholic, the magic spell would have worked? Meaning that magic does work, just not as good as the Jack Chick brand of Jesus power? ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/5 "2006-09-05T03:57:51Z")
And since when Chick start paraphrasing bad action movie lines? “He took our punishment… so we don’t have to!” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/6 "2006-09-05T03:59:07Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] But my question is, Miss Johnson says that the magic spell won’t work on her because Jesus is protecting her. So if she was some godless Jew or Muslim or Catholic, the magic spell would have worked? Meaning that magic does work, just not as good as the Jack Chick brand of Jesus power? [/QUOTE] Reading through his tracts, I get the impression that Chick thinks black magic is real and powerful, though not as powerful as Christ of course. It probably could afflict Muslims, Mormons, Hindus, and the like. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/7 "2006-09-05T04:00:13Z")
[QUOTE=JohnT] And since when Chick start paraphrasing bad action movie lines? “He took our punishment… so we don’t have to!” [/QUOTE] Actually it reminds me more of the slogan for Scrubbing Bubbles® bathroom cleaner: “We work hard so you don’t have to!” Presumably, Jesus washes away sins as the Scrubbing Bubbles wash away dirt. [sub]JGod and Son- a family company.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/8 "2006-09-05T04:01:14Z")
“ **Why** are they casting the **spell**?” “To get better grades!” 🙂 Love it. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/9 "2006-09-05T04:02:38Z")
My favorite part: Where Miss Johnson says, “Don’t do witchcraft–do your homework!” and the kids respond with, “Okay”, and then–they _apologize_. Truly, Jack is a fantasist on a par with Tanith Lee or Ursula LeGuin. ---
**Author:** ![MagicEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/10 "2006-09-05T04:03:34Z")
Poor Pigpen! He’ll never get into Heaven. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/11 "2006-09-05T04:09:08Z")
[QUOTE=MagicEyes] Poor Pigpen! He’ll never get into Heaven. ☹ [/QUOTE] I know. ☹ And I don’t like this new Lucy either - she’s more whiny and less assertive than the old Lucy. I can’t imagine this Lucy yanking the football away. And since when do adults _talk_? Is this Bizarro-Peanuts, or is it evolution? ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/12 "2006-09-05T04:10:43Z")
[QUOTE=JohnT] I can’t imagine this Lucy yanking the football away. [/QUOTE] Of course not, Charlie Brown would do that. After all, he’s the one who came up with the idea to put the spell on Miss Johnson in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/13 "2006-09-05T05:25:19Z")
Why do they keep holding the cat like a barbell? Miss Johnson looks like she’s squeezing the life out of the damn thing. ---
**Author:** ![parrot\_recipes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/439d5e/32.png) [@parrot\_recipes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parrot_recipes)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/14 "2006-09-05T05:40:12Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] Actually it reminds me more of the slogan for Scrubbing Bubbles® bathroom cleaner: “We work hard so you don’t have to!” Presumably, Jesus washes away sins as the Scrubbing Bubbles wash away dirt. [sub]JGod and Son- a family company.[/sub] [/QUOTE] me too! They are cute. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/15 "2006-09-05T08:17:19Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] I love the shot of Jesus waving goodbye to his Dad and jumping off of his cloud to go to Earth. [/QUOTE] Look closely. Sonny was pushed; that’s not a wave he’s giving Daddy. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/16 "2006-09-05T08:26:01Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] I love the shot of Jesus waving goodbye to his Dad and jumping off of his cloud to go to Earth. Although for some reason he looks like Fu Manchu in the shot where he exits his tomb. [/QUOTE] [Laurie Anderson] Did he fall, or was he _pushed?_ [/LA] Chick’s getting as soft and squishy as Nixon’s testicles in his old age. The Chick I grew up with would have damned all those kids to Hell for going trick-or-treating, much less for spell casting. I do not know this “new” Chick. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/17 "2006-09-05T08:26:54Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] It’s even better if you imagine Miss Johnson saying “wah-wah-wah-wah” everytime she talks. [/QUOTE] I can read that as either Charlie Brown’s teacher, or Debbie Downer, and both make sense in context. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/18 "2006-09-05T08:30:00Z")
What a lame ending; here’s what _should have happened_: -Runaway road tanker carrying liquid hydrogen should crashes through the fence, knocking down (but not killing) the three bad kids -Betsy and fluffy are thrown clear, unharmed -Tanker ruptures, venting supercooled liquids over the three bad kids, freezing them solid almost instantly (but slowly enough that they have time to cry “Noooooo!”) -Hydrogen ignites; the explosion shatters the three bad kids into tiny shards, then consumes them in a huge fireball (Mrs Johnson looks on, exclaiming “Oh! The Humanity!”) -Three bad kids appear before Faceless White God, yadda yadda, get tossed into the fires of hell. Isn’t that better? ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/19 "2006-09-05T09:32:24Z")
What is up with all the animal scenes in soul sisters? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/20 "2006-09-05T09:39:26Z")
[QUOTE=Lissa] What is up with all the animal scenes in soul sisters? [/QUOTE] I think it’s meant to be something to do with the ‘perfect creation run amok because of Adam’s sin’ thing. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473.md?page=2)