# New Chick Tract: "Here, Kitty, Kitty" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 5, 2006, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473 "2006-09-05T03:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/21 "2006-09-05T10:52:46Z")
The teacher is seriously crossing the line between state and church. If the spell-casting kid tells his mommy, she might be looking at a long, serious conversation with the principal and the superintendent for proselytizing. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/22 "2006-09-05T12:39:22Z")
I love Jesus’ “TA-DA!” reemergence from the tomb! And anyone notice little Fluffy (who’s not very fluffy, by the way) looks like Al Jolson in blackface in his little cage? I expect him down on one paw singing “Mammy!” ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/23 "2006-09-05T13:35:36Z")
[QUOTE=Eve] I love Jesus’ “TA-DA!” reemergence from the tomb! And anyone notice little Fluffy (who’s not very fluffy, by the way) looks like Al Jolson in blackface in his little cage? I expect him down on one paw singing “Mammy!” [/QUOTE] Good Lord, he does! That is hilarious! Maybe this is a kinder, gentler Jack Chick. Yay! As for the teacher crossing the line, I think the spell-casting kid who was going to kill his sister’s kitty might not be too concerned with telling Mom how Mean C’tian Teacher was pushing Jesus on him. ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/24 "2006-09-05T13:45:57Z")
I think my favorite feature of the Chick tracts may be when we find that a child (or sometimes an adult) has somehow grown up in America without ever hearing about Jesus or, apparently, absorbing any religious concepts at all. The child will then absolutely believe **anything** an adult authority figure tells her about the way the universe works. ---
**Author:** ![Puzzler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d07c76/32.png) [@Puzzler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Puzzler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/25 "2006-09-05T14:14:57Z")
Who _is_ this guy? Never heard of him before. Is he famous in he states? I looked through the site. ROFL [what he thinks about the Muslims](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1031/1031_01.asp). Notice how Mohamed thinks $ 😃 as he chops off the man’s head [and his thoughts of the Jews](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1000/1000_01.asp)… At first I though he wasn’t for real… but i guess he is. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/26 "2006-09-05T14:16:57Z")
Anyway, why isn’t Miss Johnson married? Is it because men run in terror at the sight of her blank, eyeless face? ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/27 "2006-09-05T14:20:56Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] Chick’s getting as soft and squishy as Nixon’s testicles in his old age. [/quote] How would you know about the condition of Nixon’s testicles in his old age? Are you close to [Monica Crowley](http://www4.colgate.edu/scene/nov1996/crowley.html)? > [@](#): > > The Chick I grew up with would have damned all those kids to Hell for going trick-or-treating, much less for spell casting. I do not know this “new” Chick. Hell yes, he’s even being (relatively) nice to those Godless, disloyal little decadents called cats! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/28 "2006-09-05T14:22:09Z")
On the one hand, it always bothers me when I read crap like this and there’s always this inevitable line - “Bad things will happen!” implying, of course, if Jesus was believed those bad things wouldn’t happen. But bad things happen every day. On the other hand - yes, he was definitely pushed. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/29 "2006-09-05T14:40:08Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] I love the shot of Jesus waving goodbye to his Dad and jumping off of his cloud to go to Earth. [/QUOTE] Is that what happened? I saw that frame and the first thing that I thought was that Big Juju shoved him off the cloud. And of course, the Rolling Stones started playing in the background of my mind… ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/30 "2006-09-05T14:46:17Z")
The artwork is crude and amateurish even by the standards of a Jack Chick tract, and even taking into account the fact that both tracts are clearly targeting children. Anybody else get the feeling these were rush jobs? ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/31 "2006-09-05T14:55:33Z")
Man, Chick’s definitely losing his touch. There wasn’t much at all offensive in that one. I did get a laugh out of the little girl asking if she had to use soap and water to get clean. “No, God has a better way!” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/32 "2006-09-05T14:56:41Z")
[QUOTE=JohnT] 😕 Did Charles Schulz get resurrected… wrongly? [/QUOTE] [Lucy] I got a chocolate bar! [/Lucy] [Linus] I got a jaw-breaker! [/Linus] [Sally] I got a Jack Chick tract! [/Sally] [Charley Brown] I got a Rock! [/Charley Brown] [Sally] Hey, Charley Brown, I’ll trade you for that rock… [/Sally] _takes aim at house that handed out the Chick Tract_ If only Davey and Goliath could shoot a dart through their lawn funiture. _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/33 "2006-09-05T15:39:22Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] What a lame ending; here’s what _should have happened_: [/QUOTE] Alternate take: During Fluffy’s rescue, she scratches Mrs. Johnson, who (in homage to _Cat People_) is turned into a black panther (still wearing Coke bottle-bottom eyeglasses). Bad kids instantly repent, are eaten by Mrs. Johnson and attain instant salvation. Cthulu then appears and eats all the remaining protagonists. The End. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/34 "2006-09-05T15:39:41Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] What a lame ending; here’s what _should have happened_: -Runaway road tanker carrying liquid hydrogen should crashes through the fence, knocking down (but not killing) the three bad kids -Betsy and fluffy are thrown clear, unharmed -Tanker ruptures, venting supercooled liquids over the three bad kids, freezing them solid almost instantly (but slowly enough that they have time to cry “Noooooo!”) -Hydrogen ignites; the explosion shatters the three bad kids into tiny shards, then consumes them in a huge fireball (Mrs Johnson looks on, exclaiming “Oh! The Humanity!”) -Three bad kids appear before Faceless White God, yadda yadda, get tossed into the fires of hell. [/QUOTE] Jeez, you forgot the HAW HAW HAW. [QUOTE=Little Nemo] Meaning that magic does work, just not as good as the Jack Chick brand of Jesus power? [/QUOTE] That’s exactly what he thinks. This is why some Fundamentalists hate the Harry Potter series so much. They believe that witchcraft is real, and the work of the Devil. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/35 "2006-09-05T15:45:19Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] But my question is, Miss Johnson says that the magic spell won’t work on her because Jesus is protecting her. So if she was some godless Jew or Muslim or Catholic, the magic spell would have worked? Meaning that magic does work, just not as good as the Jack Chick brand of Jesus power? [/QUOTE] Yes, I noticed that too. Hmmm. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/36 "2006-09-05T15:48:46Z")
[QUOTE=Puzzler] Who _is_ this guy? Never heard of him before. Is he famous in he states? I looked through the site. ROFL [what he thinks about the Muslims](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1031/1031_01.asp). Notice how Mohamed thinks $ 😃 as he chops off the man’s head [and his thoughts of the Jews](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1000/1000_01.asp)… At first I though he wasn’t for real… but i guess he is. [/QUOTE] He’s one of those rightwing Christian nutjobs the US is so famous for. He’s been cranking these tracts out for years now, almost all of them filled with weird, nearly insane ideas about religion. I wouldn’t say that he was big in the States, but certainly many people have seen his work. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/37 "2006-09-05T16:14:38Z")
Lucy says her cat is saved too! But, and reader of the King James (the only REAL Bible) knows, animals have no souls and cannot be saved. By stating that a cat can be saved, Chick seeks to alter the Laws Of Nature’s God! Blasphemy!!! ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/38 "2006-09-05T16:18:57Z")
[QUOTE=Baldwin] I think my favorite feature of the Chick tracts may be when we find that a child (or sometimes an adult) has somehow grown up in America without ever hearing about Jesus or, apparently, absorbing any religious concepts at all. The child will then absolutely believe **anything** an adult authority figure tells her about the way the universe works. [/QUOTE] Sometimes the proselytizer is another little kid, too. We can’t forget Li’l Susie. But yeah, growing up in the USA pretty much guarantees that a person will be exposed to quite a bit of Christianity. I’m an atheist, my husband is agnostic, and neither of us gave our daughter any religious instruction unless she asked about why people believed this or that…and believe me, she had lots of exposure to Christian ideas. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/39 "2006-09-05T16:20:35Z")
The tracts are also shoved into candy-bags in lieu of candy on Halloween Night by people with hokey smiles and vacant stares, telling you, “Oh, but its Much better than Candy…!” …grumble-grumble cheap fucks… ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2006, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-here-kitty-kitty/371473/40 "2006-09-05T16:50:33Z")
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