# New Chick Tract... The Worst One Ever **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 15, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803 "2005-12-15T20:46:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/1 "2005-12-15T20:46:30Z")
Chickie boy has a new one out. I swear he’s losing it. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s even writing them himself anymore. He didn’t so much phone this one in as he sorta yelled it out the window and hoped somebody got it down. [The Dirty Diamond](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1027/1027_01.asp?wpc=1027_01.asp&wpp=a) I’m really starting to miss ol’ Bob. Of course I am wondering how ol’ Charlie laid out in his backyard for two days apparently unconscious with two broken legs all because he has terminal cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/2 "2005-12-15T20:51:58Z")
Saved by a lawyer – a government lawyer at that. Surreal. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/3 "2005-12-15T20:54:20Z")
That was a yawner. Where’s the brimstone? Where’s the vitriol? Jack must be off his meds (or on them, depending on your point of view). ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/4 "2005-12-15T20:57:32Z")
Man, he’s mailing it in. Not even a half-hearted crack at the Catholics. Pathetic. C’mon Jack, have you no standards??? ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/5 "2005-12-15T21:01:11Z")
Oh c’mon…false advertising! when you said “worst on ever” I thought it would be the, y’know…best one. Up there with Death Cookie. I mean we’re talking about Chick so “worst” has a different meaning. At the very least he could have had the father and son go to heaven and send the evil bitch wife to hell. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/6 "2005-12-15T21:03:06Z")
“Let’s get it settled…on your knees!” Snicker. I bet the attorney gets his jollies like that a lot. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/7 "2005-12-15T21:03:24Z")
Confusing and unfocused. Why set up the elaborate story of the diamond and why they had to leave it uncut for generations, if the next sentence was to tell the neighbors to go ahead and spend it? Why even give it to the neighbors anyway? The mailman is the one who took the initiative to actually inquire about you. And what was up with that “they’ll show all your sins on a movie screen in heaven” message at the end? Is that supposed to be extra incentive not to go to hell? Not only will you suffer for all eternity, but you’ll also be briefly embarrassed before you do. I give this one a thumbs down. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/8 "2005-12-15T21:04:00Z")
Shar-pei Jesus is always good to see, though. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/9 "2005-12-15T21:04:52Z")
Chick needs to get back to his roots, man. Like when he used to pick some “hip” aspect of popular culture and then relate it back to his whole bizarre god thing. Where are the Dungeons and Dragons, Black Panthers and Witchcraft references? Man, he has fallen. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/10 "2005-12-15T21:07:01Z")
According to this – [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack\_Chick](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Chick) – he was born in 1924, which would make him 80 now. I guess the hellfire-in-the-belly grows dim. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/11 "2005-12-15T21:07:50Z")
When did Bruce Vilanch get married and have a kid? ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/12 "2005-12-15T21:07:56Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > Chick needs to get back to his roots, man. Like when he used to pick some “hip” aspect of popular culture and then relate it back to his whole bizarre god thing. Where are the Dungeons and Dragons, Black Panthers and Witchcraft references? Man, he has fallen. Someone needs to show him Everquest or World of Warcraft. I’m sure he could find all kinds of evil there, and it’s be a _scream_ to see him imitate the lingo. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/13 "2005-12-15T21:09:04Z")
I hear God is converting the stories of our lives to DVD. Now **betenoir** I get where you’re coming from. The best is the worst but the worst is the best. I see it the other way around. I mean stuff like “Death Cookie” is just gold. Chickie boy at his best. I sure hope he doesn’t get any worse than this one though. I don’t even see anything funny going on. I hear ya **Binarydrone**! No witches, demons (Like the demons hovering around the gay guys. Man that was classic!), HAW! HAWS!. Not even a “Fang” hovering around in the background. C’mon Chickie boy, go back to your roots! ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/14 "2005-12-15T21:12:43Z")
So, by day he’s a lawyer, by night he’s a missionary? ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/15 "2005-12-15T21:13:03Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Someone needs to show him Everquest or World of Warcraft. I’m sure he could find all kinds of evil there, and it’s be a _scream_ to see him imitate the lingo. Oh man! That would be so sweet! ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/16 "2005-12-15T21:17:32Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > …I hear ya **Binarydrone**! No witches, demons (Like the demons hovering around the gay guys. Man that was classic!), HAW! HAWS!. Not even a “Fang” hovering around in the background. C’mon Chickie boy, go back to your roots! [This one?](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/17 "2005-12-15T21:30:50Z")
I’ll be honest, I didn’t read the whole thing. When the lawyer started going into his schtick, I stopped. Somebody needs to show Chick the South Park episode where they take on the Scientologists. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/18 "2005-12-15T21:39:23Z")
There was an “alright” in there. I hate that. This one was rather unfocused and wandered all over the place. Eh. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/19 "2005-12-15T21:51:17Z")
OMG OMG OMG: [quote] Unless you accept God’s love gift. [quote] > [@](#): > > I want it! I want God’s gift. > [@](#): > > Then let’s get it settled…on our knees. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/20 "2005-12-15T22:02:22Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > There was an “alright” in there. I hate that. > > This one was rather unfocused and wandered all over the place. Eh. Yeah, the worst part was “we were amazed at **it’s** value”. Good grammar is a virtue, Jack. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803.md?page=2)