# New Chick Tract... The Worst One Ever **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 15, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803 "2005-12-15T20:46:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/41 "2005-12-16T01:42:04Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > I can’t find it but there was a Something Positive comic where the main character, Daven, answers the front door, only to find a Witness there. He starts proletzing, only to notice Daven is masterbating. [Found it.](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp04052003.shtml) I’d totally forgotten about that. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/42 "2005-12-16T01:55:13Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Why set up the elaborate story of the diamond and why they had to leave it uncut for generations, if the next sentence was to tell the neighbors to go ahead and spend it? Why even give it to the neighbors anyway? Oh, come on, it’s _allegory_ – and subtler and more, well, _Christian_ than I’ve come to expect from Jack. The grandfather is God. His son had to die to get this precious thing. It has tremendous value, but it has to remain hidden. (Cast not your pearls…) It’s kept in the family. (Church.) You can have it, although its value may not be apparent. You just have to make a token gesture to deserve it. Boy, you’ll be sorry if you don’t. Yadda yadda. Yeah, it hasn’t got the punch of a regular Chick tract. Where’s the hate, Jack? ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/43 "2005-12-16T02:02:12Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Oh, come on, it’s _allegory_ – and subtler and more, well, _Christian_ than I’ve come to expect from Jack. > > The grandfather is God. His son had to die to get this precious thing. It has tremendous value, but it has to remain hidden. (Cast not your pearls…) It’s kept in the family. (Church.) You can have it, although its value may not be apparent. You just have to make a token gesture to deserve it. Boy, you’ll be sorry if you don’t. Yadda yadda. Ohhhhh, I think I see. So the fact that the diamond is uncut symbolizes the uncircumsized penises of the true believers, aka not the filthy Jews. Also, God is dead. Makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/44 "2005-12-16T02:21:26Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Correct me if I’m wrong, but would the diamond be worth that much? I thought the whole reason why diamonds are so expensive is because of the DeBeers monopoly. . A truly exceptionnal diamond would be very rare hence worth a lot, De Beers or not. Anyway, since when is Chick supposed to pay attention to the accuracy of such details? ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/45 "2005-12-16T02:22:56Z")
What the fuck was that?? ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/46 "2005-12-16T02:23:23Z")
And wheres Lil Suzy? And why didn’t the man just yell for help if he was in his yard? he’d only broken his legs, not his voicebox! SHould’ve been carrying a cell phone, too. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/47 "2005-12-16T02:27:03Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Six months is a period of time… It’s just the way the guy says, “When he died, he had no will . . . so the state took possession of his property.”, as if that were automatic. It bugs me because I don’t have a will and people have tried to tell me my property will escheat, which it won’t because I have relatives. One other thing about this tract–notice how in the last panel, the woman looks younger and more attractive, with a distinctly better hairstyle. Who knew that converting to Christianity was an instant makeover??? ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/48 "2005-12-16T02:32:55Z")
If I’m lying in my backyard with two broken legs for two days before my neighbours came over, no way in hell would I hand them my precious diamond. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/49 "2005-12-16T03:07:49Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > So, by day he’s a lawyer, by night he’s a missionary? He was asked to assume the position. By the way, your Location: Where exactly is “Somewhere non-eculdian”? ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/50 "2005-12-16T03:27:14Z")
If ol’ Jack is past 80, we can expect that before long either he’ll be sorely disappointed. . . or we’re **all** in big, big trouble. Even though many Dopers are Christians, not many of us seem inclined toward the kind of groveling, unthinking, literal belief in Scripture that he seems to think is the only way into the 400-foot Jesus’ special club. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/51 "2005-12-16T03:35:34Z")
> [@Baldwin](#): > > If ol’ Jack is past 80, we can expect that before long either he’ll be sorely disappointed. . . or we’re **all** in big, big trouble. Even though many Dopers are Christians, not many of us seem inclined toward the kind of groveling, unthinking, literal belief in Scripture that he seems to think is the only way into the 400-foot Jesus’ special club. All I gotta say is if Chick’s right, I’d **rather** be wrong. A god as sick and twisted as Chick portrays isn’t worth worshipping, IMHO. With someone that psychotic in charge, no matter what you do, you’re eventually going to wind up on his bad side. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/52 "2005-12-16T04:49:07Z")
I was going to say that NO Chick Tract could be bad, but that was indeed horrible. The man is losing his touch. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/53 "2005-12-16T04:55:29Z")
How could anything with that “ **YAAAAAAH!** ” face possibly be bad? ---
**Author:** ![Jotun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Jotun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jotun)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/54 "2005-12-16T04:55:55Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > Logic makes the baby Jesus cry. Hahahaha yes! That was awesome! I must remember that one. It reminds me of a post in GQ I saw a long, long time ago, some teenager asked what sex smells like, and somebody came back with… > [@Can't Remember](#): > > Sin. It smells like sin. Dirty, musky sin. > The smell of which makes the baby jeebus cry. Classic ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/55 "2005-12-16T06:25:02Z")
Anybody ever flip through a PBS show entitled “The Big Comfy Couch”? Every once in a while, they will have a segment concerning a family (father, mother, son) who live in Lunette’s doll house doing something wacky. The doll-house father: father in panel three of this tract. Just sayin’. > [@Freddy the Pig](#): > > Plot flaws: Mailmen don’t knock on your door to deliver your mail, anywhere. Not quite…'round my neck of the woods, if something comes that is too big to fit in the mailbox, the carrier will come up and knock. If there’s no answer, they’ll just leave it at the door, but they do check. Whether they check on a resident when the mail has obviously piled up for a while is another question to which I do not have an answer. So how did the guy break his legs, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/56 "2005-12-16T06:47:54Z")
> [@Dijon Warlock](#): > > So how did the guy break his legs, anyway? Tripped over some porn, no doubt. Yes, I recall Big Comfy Couch ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/57 "2005-12-16T07:54:24Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > By the way, your Location: Where exactly is “Somewhere non-eculdian”? Somewhere the angles don’t make sense. And until now, neither did my spelling? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/58 "2005-12-16T14:35:15Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Somewhere the angles don’t make sense. And until now, neither did my spelling? Heh. That’s what I thought. On reflection, I kinda like “non-eculdian” better. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/59 "2005-12-16T16:20:58Z")
_Posted by Tuckerfan:_ > [@](#): > > All I gotta say is if Chick’s right, I’d rather be wrong. A god as sick and twisted as Chick portrays isn’t worth worshipping, IMHO. With someone that psychotic in charge, no matter what you do, you’re eventually going to wind up on his bad side. Yeah – it must be like working for Stalin. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803/60 "2005-12-16T17:38:54Z")
> [@Good Egg](#): > > Tripped over some porn, no doubt. _Chortle_ It’s starting to amaze me how you never see a Chick Tract in which the Sinner™ is told all about Jesus, and he says something to the effect of, “Gee, that’s really interesting; I’ll give it some thought.”. He either eagerly accepts salvation, or rudely rejects it and promptly goes to hell. Apparently, in Jack Chick’s world, whether or not to accept the Lord’s everlasting love and forgiveness must be a snap decision based on information given to you by a stranger :rolleyes: . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-the-worst-one-ever/335803.md?page=4)