# New Chick Tract- Uninvited **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 7, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794 "2011-01-07T21:32:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/21 "2011-01-08T04:18:03Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > No, no. Satan causes people to schlurp the schlong and wiggle their wicked weenies in bouncy backsides. AIDS is simply God’s just burning vengeance on those who yield to temptation. Schlurp the schlong…I can’t stop laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/22 "2011-01-08T04:18:53Z")
Lol the nurse had to pray to clean her sin of having been gang raped at six years old (I wonder if it’s a black privilege here and he would have done the same thing with a white girl). The little sodomites touch is excellent. This is classic stuff. Glad to have you back, Jack. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/23 "2011-01-08T04:21:12Z")
Note the waving cat in panel 19. Also, what the hell is the fanged vegetable supposed to be? If it’s a heart, the man needs some anatomy lessons, and not just 'cause of the fangs. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/24 "2011-01-08T04:54:51Z")
Wow, what a return to form. This is the good stuff. Virolent homophobia, nutball pseudo-psychology, Noah’s ark, the destruction of Sodom, demons galore, and he even managed to slip in a little swipe at Catholicism (“I was an altar boy…I don’t want to talk about it”). Nurse Clara might be his scariest proselytite ever - just implacable bigotry, heartless, dead behind the eyes, and completely insane. She makes Bob look like an amiable Unitarian. It was nice of Jesus to forgive her for being gang raped when she was six, though. Good thing she got to that church in time. I wonder how long it takes before the lesbianism sets in. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/25 "2011-01-08T05:03:17Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Also, what the hell is the fanged vegetable supposed to be? If it’s a heart, the man needs some anatomy lessons, and not just 'cause of the fangs. **BigBertha** thinks it’s a Killer Tomato. I think it’s an Evil Turnip. I could be persuaded to the Killer Tomato interpretation, though. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/26 "2011-01-08T05:21:02Z")
I like the cameo appearance of Fred Sanford in panel 8. Also the Edward Gorey-style cover. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/27 "2011-01-08T05:46:25Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Good thing she got to that church in time. I wonder how long it takes before the lesbianism sets in. “Within two to three days, after the rape occurred, most subjects showed early signs of bisexuality. By the third week 95% of subjects had full blown lesbianism. The control group, that was forgiven by Jesus after the rape occurred, showed no visual signs of homosexuality.” [sub]J Cucumber, S Phukzalot, P Spreadum, 2003[/sub] [sub]“Correlations between between homosexuality and rape in women”, American journal of experimental erotica and surprise sex[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/28 "2011-01-08T05:59:58Z")
> [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](#): > > [sub]J Cucumber, S Phukzalot, P Spreadum, 2003[/sub] > [sub]“Correlations between between homosexuality and rape in women”, American journal of experimental erotica and surprise sex[/sub] A double-blindfold and bound study, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/29 "2011-01-08T06:12:29Z")
But it was two men who raped Clara. Wouldn’t the overall anti-gay message have been clearer if she had been raped by two women? Or if the nurse had been Clarence? I’m not clear on the theological implications of AIDS. According to Chick, it’s caused by devils. If that’s so, doesn’t that mean that it’s Satan not God who hates gay people? And if God and Satan are opposites then God must love gay people. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/30 "2011-01-08T06:14:46Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I wonder how long it takes before the lesbianism sets in. The next full moon. No, wait, that’s lycanthropy. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/31 "2011-01-08T09:12:07Z")
I read. I looked at the URL. I read some more. I checked the URL again. I was CERTAIN that this was a Chick parody, but no, it’s a real Chick tract. I do believe that this might be his masterpiece. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/32 "2011-01-08T09:21:29Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The next full moon. > > No, wait, that’s lycanthropy. You have to learn to tell lesbianism and lycanthropy apart. One is an illness that transforms you into a bad-tempered hairy creature. … The other makes you a werewolf. _drum roll_ ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/33 "2011-01-08T09:49:30Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > But it was two men who raped Clara. Wouldn’t the overall anti-gay message have been clearer if she had been raped by two women? Or if the nurse had been Clarence? > > I’m not clear on the theological implications of AIDS. According to Chick, it’s caused by devils. If that’s so, doesn’t that mean that it’s Satan not God who hates gay people? And if God and Satan are opposites then God must love gay people. I believe the theology is that God lets Satan use his devils. He only saves people that have been, well, saved. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/34 "2011-01-08T10:12:09Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I believe the theology is that God lets Satan use his devils. He only saves people that have been, well, saved. So God and Satan are working together? Those gays really have it tough. ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/35 "2011-01-08T10:34:20Z")
Wow. That’s truly the art of trolling. 4Chan’s got nothing on this guy… ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/36 "2011-01-08T11:28:20Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > So God and Satan are working together? Those gays really have it tough. I hear they like it that way. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/37 "2011-01-08T13:46:39Z")
“Altar boy - Don’t wanna talk about it…” Brilliant. A backhanded gay slap at the papists in there. That IS some subtle writing out of Jack. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/38 "2011-01-08T15:50:15Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > … tracts should knock would-be converts over the head with plain, easy-to-comprehend English, just as God wrote the Bible in plain, easy-to-comprehend English. Really going _HAW! HAW! HAW!_ in a public library. Thanks, I needed that. 🙂 But… I sometimes am haunted by the thought that Chick may be right. In which case… _ **YAHHHH!** _ 😉 _ **- the other Jack** _ ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/39 "2011-01-08T16:23:47Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The nurse didn’t turn out to be a lesbian after all. _…or worse!_ ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794/40 "2011-01-08T16:39:09Z")
Wow, that was impressive. I think I may need to file this one over with the Evil D&D Group from Hell which was made up of middle-aged witches and devoted to stealing 9 year old girls’ souls for Satan. _Sa-tan, Sa-tan, Sa-tan!_ This one was even more generally offensive, which is always a plus. I especially like the Vampire Vegetable. So many little side-swipes at everyone - it’s like he’s been saving up. I sometimes wondered over the last few years if he was farming out all the wimpy slack ones to someone else so he could save up and concentrate his bile on creating a masterpiece. I realize now I was right. And now, who is going to volunteer to alert the medical community that AIDS is actually a demon, not an illness. They’ll need to start hiring some priests to do exorcisms - oh, crap, wait - priests are demons too. Damn. Ok, well, they need to hire Baptist Ministers to come and lovingly convince all those poor possessed people that they need to come to Jesus so they can be healed! AIDS Antichrist ImmunoDeficiency Disorder? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-chick-tract-uninvited/566794.md?page=3)