# New conspiracy theories from my coworker **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2017, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970 "2017-02-04T05:44:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![owlfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@owlfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlfan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/1 "2017-02-04T05:44:59Z")
This is the latest: the Obamas are getting a divorce and the girls are going back to their real parents. The girls were just props because after all, Michele Obama is really a man so she couldn’t actually have children. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/2 "2017-02-04T06:00:54Z")
I’m embarrassed to admit that I heard this one from my own father. - Obama is secretly gay (proof: college picture of him holding hands with some dude) - Michelle is secretly a man (proof: Adam’s apple) - The kids are adopted (proof: they don’t look like their parents) I declined to ask where he got this stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/3 "2017-02-04T06:04:35Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > (proof: they don’t look like their parents). Your dad needs to see an eye doctor ASAP. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/4 "2017-02-04T06:26:34Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > - The kids are adopted (proof: they don’t look like their parents) Malia looks just like her mother, and Sasha most resembles her paternal grandfather. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/5 "2017-02-04T06:27:06Z")
If only there were glasses that filtered out crazy and paranoid. ---
**Author:** ![Evan\_Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@Evan\_Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evan_Drake)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/6 "2017-02-04T07:09:30Z")
Even today, and ignoring the fact Obama ( like Hillary ) held the gate against same-sex marriage as long as possible until he was convinced there were serious votes to be had, wouldn’t having a secretly gay marriage in the White House be a pure gift to one’s opponents ? All presidents, including Trump, get the ludicrous conspiracy treatment which in actuality would prevent one from running for fear of discovery, but the theorists rarely think these things through. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/7 "2017-02-04T13:29:00Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > If only there were glasses that filtered out crazy and paranoid. Opaque, in other words. ---
**Author:** ![DrForrester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@DrForrester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrForrester)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/8 "2017-02-04T14:33:07Z")
Douglas Adams had “Peril Sensitive Sunglasses” in his Hitchhiker’s Guide series. They were designed to help the wearer achieve a more relaxed attitude about danger. They turned totally opaque at the slightest suggestion of peril. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2017, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/9 "2017-02-04T15:10:03Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > If only there were glasses that filtered out crazy and paranoid. There are: [![](http://www.saynotocrack.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/xray-glasses.gif) ](http://www.saynotocrack.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/xray-glasses.gif) ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2017, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-conspiracy-theories-from-my-coworker/778970/10 "2017-02-05T00:34:05Z")
> [@DrForrester](#): > > Douglas Adams had “Peril Sensitive Sunglasses” in his Hitchhiker’s Guide series. They were designed to help the wearer achieve a more relaxed attitude about danger. They turned totally opaque at the slightest suggestion of peril. What would work better is a Babelfish that translated right-wing talk radio nutjobbery into factual information. Though as with the opaque glasses, this might simply be equivalent to earplugs.