# New Contest! Write Jack Dean Tyler's sig!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [November 10, 2000, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713 "2000-11-10T22:32:32Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/41 "2000-11-12T04:17:10Z")

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How about: “My dick needs a turtleneck, my head is in the ground, and life is good.”

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**Author:** ![johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d07c76/32.png) [@johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnson)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/42 "2000-11-12T04:30:36Z")

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**Jack Dean Tyler** –“It ain’t heavy, It’s my foreskin.”

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**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/43 "2000-11-12T18:34:47Z")

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“Got foreskin?”

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**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/44 "2000-11-12T19:21:01Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by andygirl \*  
> \*\*I’ve been thinking . . . \*\*

Oh dear. Didn’t you get the memo?

> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by andygirl \*  
> \*\*It’ll be huge, I know it… \*\*

Then you believe half of a man’s penis is cut off when he’s circumcised?

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**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/45 "2000-11-12T22:07:10Z")

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I’ve been lurking and giggling for a while but I just had to jump into this whimsical carnival of phallic fun. First, my suggestion for a sig:

Foreskins; they’re not just for gentiles anymore.

Second, my husband was circumcised by the U.S. Army when he was in his twenties. Yeah, I know; it’s not enough they ask for his blood, sweat, and tears, they took his foreskin, too. But infantry soldiers like to spend weeks on end camping in the field shooting at things, and there’s no bathtubs out there. So, for hygiene reasons I won’t go into for the sake of the squeamish, they docked his Mr. Happy. He said it didn’t really hurt too bad (he’s so macho) until he woke up the next morning with wood. And, JDT, he’s awesome in bed. Incredible. Fantastic. Transcendental.

Excuse me, I’m going to go take a cold shower.

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**Author:** ![Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Dean_Tyler)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/46 "2000-11-12T22:56:28Z")

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Marlitharn,

\> Second, my husband was circumcised by the U.S. Army when he was in his twenties. Yeah, I know; it’s not enough they ask for his blood, sweat, and tears, they took his foreskin, too. \<

```
Poor devil. Is your husband happy that he had his foreskin amputated? Was he ordered to have his foreskin amputated?

```

\> But infantry soldiers like to spend weeks on end camping in the field shooting at things, and there’s no bathtubs out there. \<

```
A pitiful excuse to say the least.

```

\> So, for hygiene reasons I won’t go into for the sake of the squeamish, they docked his Mr. Happy. \<

```
"(D)ocked his Mr. Happy," hehe, that's so funny. If he just knew to "piss wash," then his foreskin would have been one area of his body that was always clean even if he never took another shower again.
```

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**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 2000, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/47 "2000-11-12T23:23:45Z")

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Foreskin’s a jolly good tissue,  
Foreskin’s a jolly good tissue,  
Foreskin’s a jolly good tissuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue…  
Which nobody can deny!

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**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/48 "2000-11-13T01:03:24Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Alphagene \*  
> \*\*Foreskin’s a jolly good tissue,  
> Foreskin’s a jolly good tissue,  
> Foreskin’s a jolly good tissuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue…  
> Which nobody can deny! \*\*

And some of us can’t enjoy,  
and some of us can’t enjoy,  
Foreskin’s a jolly good tissue,  
and some of us can’t enjoy.

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**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/49 "2000-11-13T01:34:13Z")

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My foreskin’s not only great for non-penetrative, you can play games with it too! I call this one peek-a-boo head. \<tug\> Now it’s there. \<release\> Now it’s not. \<tug\> Now it’s there…

\<Desperado\> Let’s play. \</Desperado\>

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**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/50 "2000-11-13T01:48:33Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jack Dean Tyler \*  
> **Poor devil. Is your husband happy that he had his foreskin amputated? Was he ordered to have his foreskin amputated?**

This struck me funny as hell. I could picture the DI, standing in front of the ranks…

"ALL RIGHT, ALL YOU HOODWINKED, HANG MEAT, ANTEATERS…FALL IN OVER THERE!! THE ARMY HAS DECIDED YOUR LITTLE HELMET COVERS AREN’T OFFICIAL ISSUE EQUIPMENT, SO I’M GONNA MARCH YOU AND YOUR SORRY LITTLE PEEKING PECKERS TO THE DISPENSARY WHERE OUR FINE FIELD SURGEONS WILL EXPEDITIOUSLY REMOVE THE UNAUTHORIZED ITEM!!

_DOUBLETIME…!_

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**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/51 "2000-11-13T02:47:47Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Ankh\_Too \*  
> \*\*
> 
> > [@](#):
> >
> > **Well, I guess we can snip some of it off.**
> 
> We’ll have to errect some standards about the length of the .sig. That shouldn’t be too hard on us, although the SDMB penile system can be awfully harsh to chronic offenders. Jack seems to have thought schlong and hard on his offering, maybe we should give it a second glans.  
> \*\*

Ankh,

This actually caused me pain.

😉

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Dean_Tyler)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/52 "2000-11-13T02:58:09Z")

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Rysdad,

\> "ALL RIGHT, ALL YOU HOODWINKED, HANG MEAT, ANTEATERS…FALL IN OVER THERE!! THE ARMY HAS DECIDED YOUR LITTLE HELMET COVERS AREN’T OFFICIAL ISSUE EQUIPMENT, SO I’M GONNA MARCH YOU AND YOUR SORRY LITTLE PEEKING PECKERS TO THE DISPENSARY WHERE OUR FINE FIELD SURGEONS WILL EXPEDITIOUSLY REMOVE THE UNAUTHORIZED ITEM!! \<

```
What's so funny about that? General George S. Patton was an example of a commander who did just this. It was foreskin amputation or court martial. You've got a sick, sense of humor.
    I know of a couple of soldiers in World War I that did ten years in Leavenworth for refusing to obey orders when they were ordered to be circumcised. Do you think that's funny?
```

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**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/53 "2000-11-13T03:03:04Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jack Dean Tyler \*I know of a couple of soldiers in World War I that did ten years in Leavenworth for refusing to obey orders when they were ordered to be circumcised. Do you think that’s funny?

Got a cite for that?

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**Author:** ![Pit\_Meister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Pit\_Meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pit_Meister)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/54 "2000-11-13T03:35:00Z")

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How about  
**[sub]You have a nice way of wording things.  
Thank you…i work them out on little slips of paper beforehand**[/sub]

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**Author:** ![Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Dean_Tyler)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/55 "2000-11-13T03:42:04Z")

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Green Bean,

\> Got a cite for that?\<

[http://www.cirp.org/news/cin/1995.09.15](http://www.cirp.org/news/cin/1995.09.15)  
[http://www.cirp.org/gepps/circ1.htm](http://www.cirp.org/gepps/circ1.htm)

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**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/56 "2000-11-13T03:49:39Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jack Dean Tyler \*  
> \*\*What’s so funny about that? General George S. Patton was an example of a commander who did just this. It was foreskin amputation or court martial. You’ve got a sick, sense of humor.  
> I know of a couple of soldiers in World War I that did ten years in Leavenworth for refusing to obey orders when they were ordered to be circumcised. Do you think that’s funny?  
> \*\*

Now I’ve got a picture of George C. Scott with a potato peeler in his hand chasing after a buck private.

-and-

_Over there!  
Over there!  
Won’t get clipped!  
Can’t get shipped,  
Over there!_

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/57 "2000-11-13T04:17:48Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jack Dean Tyler \*  
> \*\*Green Bean,
> 
> \> Got a cite for that?\<
> 
> [http://www.cirp.org/news/cin/1995.09.15](http://www.cirp.org/news/cin/1995.09.15)  
> [http://www.cirp.org/gepps/circ1.htm](http://www.cirp.org/gepps/circ1.htm)  
> \*\*

Do you have a cite from anywhere other than the [cirp.org](http://cirp.org) site?

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**Author:** ![light\_strand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a6a055/32.png) [@light\_strand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/light_strand)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/58 "2000-11-13T04:21:25Z")

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This is my nominee:

> [@](#):
>
> If he just knew to “piss wash,” then his foreskin would have been one area of his body that was always clean even if he never took another shower again.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Now THAT is comedy!

So JDT do you care to provide some cites that aren’t propagandist bullshit? Not only was that not REALLY a cite (because I’m pretty sure you wrote it) but: “We of CIN suspect that the “slight” operation in question was circumcision” for all you know it could have been a tooth extraction, which also would have disqualified him from duty.

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/59 "2000-11-13T04:22:23Z")

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Oh, and by the way, neither of the two links provided back up what you said.

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**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-contest-write-jack-dean-tylers-sig/40713/60 "2000-11-13T04:28:37Z")

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Bio-brat slipped in there between my 2 posts…but s/he made the point more clearly than I did. The site said that CIN “suspects” the operation was a circumcision. You said that it was a circumcision. Please provied a cite that actually backs up what you said.

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