# New for 2009! Mini-rants! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 12, 2009, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888 "2009-01-12T08:08:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![shirts\_with\_no\_numbers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@shirts\_with\_no\_numbers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shirts_with_no_numbers)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/21 "2009-01-12T19:25:03Z")
A big hearty fuck you to the banks we have tried to deal with lately. You twat twisted money hoarders are pushing me to my breaking point. We’ve been trying to get an equity line on a home we purchased in Oct. to do some further renovations and consolidate some minor debt. We purchased it as a foreclosure, and we underpaid for the home even in its condition at purchase. Even the bank appraisal for the mortgage came in approx. 50k higher than our purchase price! SOOOOO, now we have to deal with you dickmunchers who are saying that the purchase price is the value of the home NO MATTER WHAT A FUCKING APPRAISAL SAYS!!! Nevermind that we have put a significant amount of our own money into improving the home, so the value would be even higher! OH NO! Whatever we paid for it is what it is worth. They will not even allow us to higher an appraiser to even remotely SEE what the value might be, nor will they give us any type of line, regardless of the dollar amount. Three fucking banks!! You all can shove your bailout money up your asses, fuckers. That seems to be where you are all keeping it anyhow! ---
**Author:** ![shirts\_with\_no\_numbers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@shirts\_with\_no\_numbers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shirts_with_no_numbers)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/22 "2009-01-12T19:34:43Z")
I should also add that we even put approx. 20% down on the damn house…what more could they want!!! ---
**Author:** ![Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f6c823/32.png) [@Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lo-Slung_Denim)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/23 "2009-01-12T20:21:51Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > Did you call or visit your grandparents during the Thanksgiving - Christmas - New Year’s holiday period? Or maybe you sent them a little present or a Christmas card. You remember your grandparents, right? The ones who never said _no_ to you? The ones who searched the stores and always made sure that your fantasy wish came true at Christmas? > > My fantasy wish was just for a phone call…from across town… > > Not one of you even checked on us to see if we are still alive. This made me sad. This was our first Christmas without my grandma, and I don’t have any grandparents now. I would have loved to have visited her. I pit people who spit on the street. I HATE IT. It’s vile. A woman did it at the bus stop the other day, almost hit my feet. Then she said sorry. Don’t bother with sorry, don’t do it in the first place! I feel sick at the thought of all the flobber I’m stepping in on my walk to work every day. I know it’s a normal bodily function, but use a bin, a tissue, anything - I don’t want to hear it or see it, folks. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/24 "2009-01-12T20:30:26Z")
> [@shirts\_with\_no\_numbers](#): > > A big hearty fuck you to the banks we have tried to deal with lately. You twat twisted money hoarders are pushing me to my breaking point. > > We’ve been trying to get an equity line on a home we purchased in Oct. to do some further renovations and consolidate some minor debt. We purchased it as a foreclosure, and we underpaid for the home even in its condition at purchase. Even the bank appraisal for the mortgage came in approx. 50k higher than our purchase price! > > SOOOOO, now we have to deal with you dickmunchers who are saying that the purchase price is the value of the home NO MATTER WHAT A FUCKING APPRAISAL SAYS!!! Nevermind that we have put a significant amount of our own money into improving the home, so the value would be even higher! OH NO! Whatever we paid for it is what it is worth. They will not even allow us to higher an appraiser to even remotely SEE what the value might be, nor will they give us any type of line, regardless of the dollar amount. Three fucking banks!! > > You all can shove your bailout money up your asses, fuckers. That seems to be where you are all keeping it anyhow! That would be super - I would love to be paying taxes on the purchase price of our house, rather than the purchase price X2 (which is what our house is appraised at now). They want it both ways, I guess - appraised value when it suits them, and purchase price when it suits them. I’d go up the chain of command with this one, possibly with valid appraisal in hand. ---
**Author:** ![Freejooky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ba8739/32.png) [@Freejooky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freejooky)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/25 "2009-01-12T20:42:23Z")
I’ve been seeing a bunch of medical specialists lately, and this has illuminated how lazy and weird most medical billing departments are. It seems like they do everything in their power to keep you from paying. The most recent one has literally - I’m not exaggerating - sent me a bill/reminder _every single day_ since I saw them…for $20 that I owe them. But the best part is that they only take money order or credit as a form of payment…but won’t take credit over the phone, and “only run the numbers once a month or so.” You’d think it was 1955. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/26 "2009-01-12T20:44:50Z")
To the guy who sat behind me in class this morning: Yes, I know it’s Monday morning. I know it’s 8:30, and therefore ungodly early, and good for you for making it to class. But please, for the love of all things living, PLEASE fucking BRUSH YOUR TEETH in the morning! The stench that emits from your mouth every time you yawn is nearly enough to cause me to pass out. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/27 "2009-01-12T20:57:11Z")
I mini-pit my professor for assigning us to write a memo in the second week of class. We’ve only met once, and all we did was go over the syllabus and introduce ourselves. We have a lot of reading, but it’s all totally academic - a history of the discipline. There isn’t any policy at all! What the hell policy am I supposed to critique! Who am I writing this memo to? WHAT AM I DOING? Based on the syllabus, the class is going to be pretty cool, but I am annoyed at having to critique the introductory articles - there’s just no there there. Oh, and yes, I wrote to the professor. Her answer wasn’t terribly helpful. Oh well, there’re a bunch more assignments, if I do poorly on this one, I have lots of opportunities to pick up better grades down the line. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/28 "2009-01-12T20:59:11Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Football team names. Since when did the St. Louis Cardinals change their name to the Arizona Cardinals? If they want their name to have “Arizona” in it somewhere, they should use a bird that is actually associated with Arizona, like, oh, I don’t know, how about a roadrunner? They didn’t. The St. Louis Cardinals changed their name to the Phoenix Cardinals, even though they never actually played in Phoenix proper (first in Tempe, now in Glendale). The switch to the Arizona Cardinals was made in 1994. As to the question you posed, they moved to Arizona in 1988. Also, the team is named after the color of the uniforms, not after the bird. But, while we’re on the subject, here’s a big fuck you to somebody, because I can’t get tickets to the NFC Championship game. Yes, I understand fair market value and all that good stuff, but I’m not paying three times the standard price for a ticket either. Damn it, and i really wanted to treat my dad to another Eagles-Cards game. He’s a huge Eagles fan; we’ve seen three games at Sundevil Stadium, but I really wanted to take him to a playoff game now that I [del]can afford[/del] thought I could afford it. ---
**Author:** ![bufftabby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bufftabby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bufftabby)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/29 "2009-01-12T21:20:03Z")
Could I quit being such a clumsy galumphing boar? That would be super. I got my stupid self tangled up in the curtain, tripped over the animal food bins, tore a picture off the wall as I went down, taking the coat rack with me and landing on top of it, which almost landed on my poor terrified pup. If I actually watched where I’m going, life would probably be a lot easier for me, huh? I’m awesome in a lot of ways, but sometimes I’m just a fucking dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/30 "2009-01-12T21:21:00Z")
> [@shirts\_with\_no\_numbers](#): > > I should also add that we even put approx. 20% down on the damn house…what more could they want!!! Doing a refi myself right now…quoted verbatim from our mortgage broker: “Value in equity is now a thing of the past. Cash is king.” She described that lenders are circling wagons and getting equity loans at all is getting tough without big money down (at least 25%). ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/31 "2009-01-12T21:39:48Z")
I pit the passage[sup]\*[/sup] I’m trying to edit because it sucks so hard. Its problems run too deep for fixing at this late stage. This is exactly the kind of bullshit I hated having to read in my textbooks when I was a kid, and now I’m party to foisting it on a new generation. “The aesthetic effect of this use of sports jargon lends immediacy to the stark contrasts between the character’s past and the present.” NO, IT DOESN’T. [ul] [li]A, that stanza you’re citing[sup]†[/sup] _doesn’t have any sports jargon in it._ “As a gag” is not sports jargon. The only possible jargon there is the verb “dribble,” and calling that out as an example of the immediacy of language makes us look as hip as Calvin Coolidge.[/li][li]Two, “lends immediacy to the stark contrasts”? WTF? Do stark contrasts normally suffer from latency? Must stark contrasts stoop to borrowing immediacy from sympathetic aesthetic effects? Can’t they get a bailout or something?[/li][/ul] - in a Writing Workshop in an English textbook † #4 in John Updike’s “[Ex-Basketball Player](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=172264)” ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/32 "2009-01-12T22:02:35Z")
> [@emilyforce](#): > > “The aesthetic effect of this use of sports jargon lends immediacy to the stark contrasts between the character’s past and the present.” “The decidedly un-aesthetic effect of your use of jargon shows only that you paid attention to your vocabulary tests, not the poem. Stop hiding your reaction under multisyllabic words and complete the assignment.” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/33 "2009-01-12T22:12:54Z")
> [@bufftabby](#): > > I’m awesome in a lot of ways, but sometimes I’m just a fucking dumbass. Keyshawn Johnson said this about himself, too. Well, actually he’s been saying the first part of it (up to the word “but”) for years. Not to pick on poor Keyshawn, but yesterday on an NFL pregame show he referred to Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger as “a bit of a drama queen”. This puts Keyshawn well in the lead for 2009’s “Pot Kettle Black” award. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/34 "2009-01-12T23:24:09Z")
I’m just so TIRED right now. I spent the day running around like a chicken with my head cut off (including about an hour of quick walking around campus), I taught (not TAed) my very first class ever (which is more of an emotional/mental drain than a physical one, obviously), made it home around 5 and made dinner… and now I get to start the real work of the day. I have an article I’m supposed to be done writing, and I really should get my lectures for next week started, and I should review the material I’m teaching on Wednesday, never mind the whole dissertation thing. All of that I could deal with, if I felt like I had any energy at all. Bah. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/35 "2009-01-12T23:45:27Z")
I pit both Pepperidge Farms and Target. Why did you make TimTams available only during Christmas? You’re both horrible companies and your marketing directors must have all sold crack on the street at one point. That’s exactly what drug dealers do! “The first taste is cheap, the second must be ordered from Australia.” Bastards, both of 'em. Fortunately I’ve already ordered my Girl Scout Cookies, so that once-a-year fix will be in my hands in just a few more weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/36 "2009-01-13T03:57:38Z")
I pit myself for the crazy. Women shouldn’t get to use PMS as an excuse for being bitches. “Teehee. Sorry I’m bitchy, I’m PMSing”. It pisses me off. But it pisses me off more so when my own hormones turn me into a raging harpy. Not just being nasty or rude for the sake of it. Shrieking, crying, obsessing and raging over things that are tiny and inconsequential, unable to let things go that have “offended” me. Today I sit back and look at myself last night and go “Who was that psychotic bitch?!” But in the middle of it all, The World Was Going To End. There’s no excuse for being that crazy. But somehow I always miss the warning signs and by the time I realise it, Sybil has come out again ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/48db29/32.png) [@Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Key_Lime_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/37 "2009-01-13T04:07:24Z")
> [@emilyforce](#): > > I pit the passage[sup]\*[/sup] I’m trying to edit because it sucks so hard. Its problems run too deep for fixing at this late stage. This is exactly the kind of bullshit I hated having to read in my textbooks when I was a kid, and now I’m party to foisting it on a new generation. “The aesthetic effect of this use of sports jargon lends immediacy to the stark contrasts between the character’s past and the present.” NO, IT DOESN’T. > [ul] > [li]A, that stanza you’re citing[sup]†[/sup] _doesn’t have any sports jargon in it._ “As a gag” is not sports jargon. The only possible jargon there is the verb “dribble,” and calling that out as an example of the immediacy of language makes us look as hip as Calvin Coolidge.[/li][li]Two, “lends immediacy to the stark contrasts”? WTF? Do stark contrasts normally suffer from latency? Must stark contrasts stoop to borrowing immediacy from sympathetic aesthetic effects? Can’t they get a bailout or something?[/li][/ul] > > - in a Writing Workshop in an English textbook > † #4 in John Updike’s “[Ex-Basketball Player](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=172264)” You’re my new favorite poster on the Dope. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/38 "2009-01-13T05:15:16Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > They didn’t. The St. Louis Cardinals changed their name to the Phoenix Cardinals, even though they never actually played in Phoenix proper (first in Tempe, now in Glendale). The switch to the Arizona Cardinals was made in 1994. As to the question you posed, they moved to Arizona in 1988. Also, the team is named after the color of the uniforms, not after the bird. [It’s not named after the bird?](http://www.antiqueathlete.com/cardinals-pillow-case.jpg) So they moved to Arizona, huh? I guess that explains why they put Arizona in their name. But still, roadrunners would make a lot more sense than cardinals. So who’s playing football in St. Louis these days? ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/39 "2009-01-13T07:05:49Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > [It’s not named after the bird?](http://www.antiqueathlete.com/cardinals-pillow-case.jpg) [Nope.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arizona_Cardinals#Franchise_history) > [@](#): > > O’Brien later moved them to Chicago’s Normal Park and renamed them the Racine Normals, since Normal Park was located on Racine Avenue in Chicago. In 1901, O’Brien bought used maroon uniforms from the University of Chicago, the colors of which had by then faded, leading O’Brien to exclaim, “That’s not maroon, it’s cardinal red!” It was then that the team changed its name to the Racine Cardinals. > [@](#): > > The team has used the cardinal red jerseys since Chris O’Brien bought them for the club in 1901… Starting in 1947, the team had a logo of a cardinal bird perched on the stitches of a football. However, the club did not attach a logo to their helmets until they debuted a cardinal-head logo in 1960, the year the franchise moved from Chicago to St. Louis. When the Cardinals moved to Arizona in 1988, the flag of Arizona was added to the sleeves. > [@](#): > > So they moved to Arizona, huh? I guess that explains why they put Arizona in their name. But still, roadrunners would make a lot more sense than cardinals. But then what color would the uniforms be? 😛 > [@](#): > > So who’s playing football in St. Louis these days? The Rams moved there in 1995. To answer your next question, nobody is playing in LA, because the Raiders moved back to Oakland the same year. Also, the Baltimore Ravens are the former Cleveland Browns, and the current Cleveland Browns are actually an expansion team. The Tennessee Titans are the former Houston Oilers. But, you’re just fucking with me, right? Or you really haven’t watched football in the last 10 years? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888/40 "2009-01-13T07:46:09Z")
> [@Santo\_Rugger](#): > > [Nope.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arizona_Cardinals#Franchise_history)But then what color would the uniforms be? 😛 [I’d go with light blue, with purple trim. And a big purple plume sticking out the top of the helmets. That kind of panache would probably go pretty far in psyching out their opponents.](http://home1.gte.net/desmarag/RR-Toon.htm) > [@Santo Rugger](#): > > The Rams moved there in 1995. To answer your next question, nobody is playing in LA, because the Raiders moved back to Oakland the same year. > > \ > > But, you’re just fucking with me, right? Or you really haven’t watched football in the last 10 years? 😃 Well, I’m kinda fuckng with you. I did know the Rams weren’t in L.A. anymore, because of the warm fuzzy feeling I get whenever the Times has an article that says the region STILL can’t get a franchise. But I did have to think for a minute before I remembered who’s playing for St. Louis. OTOH, I wasn’t aware until I checked out the wiki article that they don’t play at Busch Stadium. And I really haven’t watched football in fifty-three years of my presence on this little blue marble. Back to mini-rants: [del]Where the hell has Roman Gabriel got to?[/del] What’s the deal with so-called half-gallons of supermarket ice cream only having 56 ounces, instead of 64? Put those eight ounces of ice cream back! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-for-2009-mini-rants/480888.md?page=3)