# New Game: Play Dr. With Tater **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 13, 2000, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434 "2000-05-13T18:06:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/41 "2000-05-16T00:26:15Z")
**Announcer:** Now, Patient - can you hear me? You’ve got ten seconds to tell us what you’ve got, and, for the last time, _“Beat the Reaper!”_ **P:** I feel…[coughs]…I think I feel…I don’t know…whatever it is…I want to die… ::buzzer sounds:: **Announcer:** Oh, I’m terribly sorry, that’s not correct. You didn’t _“Beat the Reaper.”_ Doctor, bring the Patient out and show the studio audience and all the folks at home just what she’s contracted. **Doctor:** According to my careful prosthesis, you’ve got The Plague." - Firesign Theatre, “Beat the Reaper”, from _Waiting for the Electrician_ ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/42 "2000-05-16T00:40:34Z")
Hang garlic on your doors and windows. Wear a cross round your neck at all times. Under no circumstances invite the vampire inside your abode. Keep sharpened stakes on hand and load your gun with silver bullets. Eat lots of raw liver to replinish lost blood. Pray for an end to the horror. ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2000, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/43 "2000-05-16T19:12:16Z")
And so, it is time to end this contest and announce the winners. I tried out all of your diseases, and not a one got me one whit of sympathy, so I’m just going to award two grand prizes and honorable mentions. First grand prize goes to beakerfx, for being so thorough. And since it cost so much, it must be good, right? Second grand prize goes to KP, for saying exactly what I wanted. It’s a rare skill, use it wisely. Honorable mentions go to everybody! I was giggling so hard ya’ll made me add incontinence to my list o’ symptoms. For your troubles you will receive a postcard from my big collection. To collect your prizes, please send me an e-mail with your name, address, choice of prize, list of times when you’ll be away, and location of your spare key. Also, you’ll need to provide your SS and CC numbers, for prize verification. Before I forget, Doctor J, has been such a kind, understanding physician, so I’d like to award him a special prize. I don’t know what it is yet, but it will be as good as I can get without spending any paper money. Thank you again. I look forward to working with you all the next time I fall victim to foul humors. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/44 "2000-06-27T19:19:42Z")
I’m ashamed at all of you allotropic butchers, we’ve got to give this young lady something EFFECTIVE! After all, we all know that “conventional” medicine is an abyssmal failure! Here, Tatertot, drink this. It’s one part in 10[sup]27[/sup] dioxin, for the aches, one part in 10[sup]34[/sup] eucalyptis leaves for the chills, one part in 10[sup]46[/sup] cayenne oil, for the fever, one part in 10[sup]23[/sup] ragweed pollen, for the congestion, one part in 10[sup]52[/sup] calcium hydroxide for the eyes, one part in 10[sup]40[/sub] sodium bicarbonate for the throat, one part in 10[sup]48[/sub] cellulose for the “crackliness”, and finally, the most potent ingredient for the fatigue, since that, of course, is the most serious symptom, one part in 10[sup]302[/sup] methenol. That’ll only be $423 an ounce; take two quarts of it a day for the next three weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/45 "2000-06-27T19:40:52Z")
Yo Tater - If yer interested in a semi-serious comment: next time you go in for bloodwork, get a lupus test. I ahve most of those symptoms daily. For real. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/46 "2000-06-28T00:55:52Z")
Alas! The poor girl is misdiagnosed! It is obviously… Lycanthropy! So, do you _usually_ feel bitchy this time of the month? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Notorioustobias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3be4f8/32.png) [@Notorioustobias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Notorioustobias)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/47 "2000-06-28T02:17:00Z")
Seems likely you’ve caught the “ILOVEYOU” virus from your computer. See your doctor immediately; threaten lawsuit and have fellow hypochondriacs chant “We want the cure!” outside office if they deny treatment. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/48 "2000-06-28T08:31:10Z")
And what the hell is wrong with you people? Tater, it’s really very, very simple. You’re a girl. You’ve got cooties. Now please, take your clothes off. Get on the table. AND DANCE! 😃 (P.S. Don’t listen to these jokers, I happen to be a professional giney…gino…gyna…woman doctor!!!) ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/49 "2000-06-28T08:43:10Z")
Imagine my shock when a minute ago, the I got mail tone came up and it was an announcement that someone responded to this. Re: Cooties. I know you are but what am I. I know you are but what am I. I’m rubber you’re glue whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Plus, everybody knows that **BOYS** have cooties. I have fully recovered, since I am a survivor. Yes, I will survive. As long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my love to give, and I’ve got all my life to live. I will survive. And **DRY** , will you please stop responding to my threads? I’m _trying_ to write you an e-mail here!! ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/50 "2000-06-28T08:49:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > And **DRY** , will you please stop responding to my threads? I’m _trying_ to write you an e-mail here!! > \*\* Tell me all sorts of nasty stuff, baby!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/51 "2000-06-28T09:15:46Z")
Check your mailbox, **DRY** , it’s full of nasty stuff. Oh, yeah and details about my illness, too. Since we resurrected this thread, we may as well continue playing. Okay, I am **not** making this up, but after seeing me on Friday my Doctor has himself been admitted to the hospital!!! Eek! This could only mean one thing, I’ve got that disease that that one woman had, you know the one where nobody could go into her hospital room without dying. Of course, I’ve got a much more mild form (you know these germies have to mutate to survive). Does anybody know what this disease is called? Until I get some answers, I am placing myself under quarentine. Please send chocolate and ginger ale. ---
**Author:** ![edwino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@edwino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwino)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/52 "2000-06-28T16:28:46Z")
You’ve got the dropsy. Nothing a little foxglove and a strong bleeding won’t fix. ---
**Author:** ![bp628](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@bp628](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bp628)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/53 "2000-06-28T17:17:10Z")
Personally I would go for the leeches. You can get emergency delivery. [http://www.leechesusa.com/](http://www.leechesusa.com/) ---
**Author:** ![zekitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e95f7d/32.png) [@zekitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zekitty)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/54 "2000-07-09T21:04:48Z")
you obviusly have A psuedobovinehomeopathic disease probably an inflammatory disoder due to the large amount of floating bovine fecal matter in the air yes you heard me right the cows dried defacation is making you ill also the growth hormones those farmers pump into the cows are making you even iller by making you’re muscles hemmorage interferring with the mitchoconderi it has destroyed or lowered you’re muscles ability to produce the catalyst ATP the neccesary chemical which enables you to move and as you’re remaining mitchoconderi attemp to mass produce the stuff they make mass quantities of lactic acid which is now fermenting within you’re abdomanal cavity and to no dought swelling you’re colon and other lower abdomanol arteries and organs there is no dought in my mind that you have quasihomeopathicbovinedissentary with-fettidlacticacid buildup and you probably also have anthrax so these two diseases having a synergistic effect could actually make necrossis set in which would veriably make you rot from the inside out I hope this makes you feel better but you are invariably doomed. ---
**Author:** ![dragonlady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@dragonlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragonlady)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2000, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434/55 "2000-07-10T02:06:20Z")
Yea, Tater. What the cat said. Where did you find this thread??? As we all know now, your original illness was pregnancy…and now??? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-game-play-dr-with-tater/19434.md?page=2)