# New member reporting for duty
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [October 2, 2017, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789 "2017-10-02T03:01:58Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@lazykitten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazykitten)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/1 "2017-10-02T03:01:58Z")
Just wanted to introduce myself. My self-appointed therapist friend suggested(quite aggressively) that I needed to “go out and socialize, you antisocial pessimist.” So I promised I’d go out and meet new people and make nice, and here I am in my backyard introducing myself. Good compromise, yeah? Let’s just keep the fact that I didnt actually leave my property to ourselves though \>.\>
Well then, name’s lazykitten, 25 years old, fond of reading and bit of gaming. Nice to meet you nice folk and hope we get along.
Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
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### Author:  [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/2 "2017-10-02T03:24:17Z")
Welcome! Speaking as a reformed antisocial pessimist, I think you might like it here.
The good news is we have cat pictures, and lots of them. And cookies. And pictures of cats with cookies.
The bad news is that your first duty, as a noob, is to wear the Official Donald Trump Hairpiece while cleaning the bathrooms, until somebody newer comes along.
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### Author:  [@lazykitten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazykitten)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/3 "2017-10-02T03:47:56Z")
> [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](#):
>
> Welcome! Speaking as a reformed antisocial pessimist, I think you might like it here.
>
> The good news is we have cat pictures, and lots of them. And cookies. And pictures of cats with cookies.
>
> The bad news is that your first duty, as a noob, is to wear the Official Donald Trump Hairpiece while cleaning the bathrooms, until somebody newer comes along.
Seeing as I’ve done both tasks individually at one point or another (dares and jobs), I cannot say that the experience will be all too harrowing only mildly uncomfortable. Those pictures of cats with cookies ought to be quite worth that discomfort though.
Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/4 "2017-10-02T03:51:35Z")
No, we are dog people here. I introduce you to the **Killer Elite**!
[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155285423@N02/)
And if they hadn’t have posted that sign, I never even would have considered it.
Hey, always reciprocate with a beer. Just neighborly…
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### Author:  [@lazykitten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazykitten)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/5 "2017-10-02T03:57:11Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#):
>
> No, we are dog people here. I introduce you to the **Killer Elite**!
>
> [bob smith | Flickr](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155285423@N02/)
>
> And if they hadn’t have posted that sign, I never even would have considered it.
>
> Hey, always reciprocate with a beer. Just neighborly…
In truth, I have only ever had pups. I’ve always wanted a cat though, it just never worked out.
Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/6 "2017-10-02T04:29:58Z")
Welcome, welcome! Would you like some ice cream? It’s a lot calmer this week.
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### Author:  [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/7 "2017-10-02T04:31:25Z")
Welcome! We are nice, I promise!
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/8 "2017-10-02T04:43:45Z")
> [@lazykitten](#):
>
> In truth, I have only ever had pups. I’ve always wanted a cat though, it just never worked out.
You didn’t compliment the Dachshunds. _Your name go in book!_
😃
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### Author:  [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/9 "2017-10-02T05:37:45Z")
Welcome aboard from another cat person.
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### Author:  [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/10 "2017-10-02T05:45:51Z")
Dogs! (Fight, Fight!)
Welcome. 😃
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### Author:  [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/11 "2017-10-02T07:26:13Z")
I’m afraid our newbie member doesn’t realize that the newest members here are typically assigned duties that involve unnatural acts with squids and goats. Is there one among us who cares to brief **lazykitten** on the details?
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/12 "2017-10-02T12:15:42Z")
There is no squid. There is no goat. Any claims to the contrary are simply scurrilous rumour. We are all happy here.
Very happy.
Very very happy.
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### Author:  [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/13 "2017-10-02T14:43:39Z")
Welcome from another newbie. I would give you friendly warnings but every time I do that I get busted on something. So…goodluck!!
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/14 "2017-10-02T17:19:43Z")
Welcome to you too! I guess this is a multi-scoop ice-cream situation. Let me check my notes.
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### Author:  [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/15 "2017-10-02T17:44:10Z")
She said “doody.”
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### Author:  [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/16 "2017-10-02T18:00:16Z")
Welcome to the Dope!
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### Author:  [@lazykitten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazykitten)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/17 "2017-10-02T19:15:34Z")
> [@Sunspace](#):
>
> Welcome, welcome! Would you like some ice cream? It’s a lot calmer this week.
Ice cream? Don’t mind if i do \>.\>
Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
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### Author:  [@lazykitten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazykitten)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/18 "2017-10-02T19:17:21Z")
> [@Sunspace](#):
>
> There is no squid. There is no goat. Any claims to the contrary are simply scurrilous rumour. We are all happy here.
>
> Very happy.
>
> Very very happy.
I’m beginning to feel wary… o.o
Sent from my SM-J700T using Tapatalk
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### Author:  [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/19 "2017-10-02T19:46:45Z")
Welcome aboard. many of us are also anti-social, and we get to express it here while pretending to socialize. Loads of fun. You appear to know grammar. That’s good.
> [@Gatopescado](#):
>
> No, we are dog people here…
AND cat people.
> [@Sunspace](#):
>
> There is no squid. There is no goat. Any claims to the contrary are simply scurrilous rumour. We are all happy here.
>
> Very happy.
>
> Very very happy.
**Sunspace** , did you take \*two \*doses of medication this morning? That’s good.
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### Author:  [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)
#### Post date: [October 2, 2017, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-member-reporting-for-duty/797789/20 "2017-10-02T19:56:01Z")
Yeah, welcome aboard. You’ll fit right in. Here, hold this soda straw. No, there’s no beverage, just hold it… yeah, like that. Someone will explain later. Will you hurry up with the goat already?
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