# New Neighbor **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 10, 2004, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291 "2004-04-10T06:11:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![NovoTiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b38774/32.png) [@NovoTiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NovoTiro)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/1 "2004-04-10T06:11:42Z")
Since this is my first post I suppose that makes me your new neighbor. Yes you. In that theme, here’s the game. New neighbors just moved in next door. You invite them over for dinner. What’s the worst possible thing that they could say? ---
**Author:** ![Kid\_A\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Kid\_A\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kid_A_1)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/2 "2004-04-10T06:30:27Z")
“You mean you don’t tie your wife to the stove?” ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/3 "2004-04-10T06:50:32Z")
“Would you like a copy of _The Watchtower_?” _looks around for a sword_ ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/4 "2004-04-10T06:55:43Z")
“Oh, don’t worry, the band only practices on weekdays.” ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/5 "2004-04-10T06:57:54Z")
'We just got our Bush/Cheney ‘04 campaign signs, and can’t wait to put them out! What side of the yard are you putting yours on?’ ---
**Author:** ![BabaBooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@BabaBooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BabaBooey)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/6 "2004-04-10T07:43:27Z")
“…yes, VERY contagious!” ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/7 "2004-04-10T10:17:51Z")
“Tomorrow would be great! The rest of the family will be over in the afternoon for the goat sacrifice, but you’re welcome to join us for dessert.” ---
**Author:** ![cheapbastardon38thstreet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@cheapbastardon38thstreet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cheapbastardon38thstreet)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/8 "2004-04-10T10:20:36Z")
“Our puppy is a free range dog, we don’t believe in in restricting his freedom.” “We got a couple old Caddys we are gonna restore some day, you won’t mind if we park them in front of your house do ya?” ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/9 "2004-04-10T13:26:42Z")
" We’re on the sex offender registry,but those two 12 year old girls _wanted_ it." ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/10 "2004-04-10T14:05:24Z")
“I can be a bit of an exhibitionist. But don’t worry, I shed like 150 pounds over the summer.” “You remind me of the last neighbours…shame about what happened to them.” “Hi-diddly-ho Neighborinos. I’m Ned Flanders.” ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/11 "2004-04-10T16:05:43Z")
Whoo… good thing you all ain’t _insert racial, ethnic or sexual slur of choice here_. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/12 "2004-04-10T16:20:02Z")
I saw your garage was open so I borrowed your lawn mower, if you need it it’s in my shed, just give me a call and I can unlock the door for you. You haven’t seen any cops snooping around here lately have you? We’re swingers. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/13 "2004-04-10T16:42:09Z")
“Heroin is the best thing, ever. Want some?” ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/14 "2004-04-10T16:50:33Z")
Hi, I’m from the Homeowner Association Board of Directors… ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2004, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/15 "2004-04-10T19:17:30Z")
“UWAAAAAAAAHHHH! SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE! HUALUGALUGAULGAULGAHULAGULHAULHAHULGAH PHBBBBBBT! AAAAARGH! AAAAARGH AAAAAAAAAARGH! _kicks over coffee table_ WHEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!” ---
**Author:** ![SuperNova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SuperNova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuperNova)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/16 "2004-04-11T05:58:53Z")
“Which window is your bedroom?” ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/17 "2004-04-11T06:05:30Z")
I’m so glad you are someone I can relate to. Everyone else around here seems to be so busy and I need a friend… ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/18 "2004-04-11T06:51:24Z")
Good thing my grandfather didn’t come with me. He hates cats more than I do. Probably would have kicked him all the way across the room.\* \*This is pretty close to the first thing my sister’s fiance said first time he came over and saw my cat. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/19 "2004-04-11T08:23:14Z")
For you, the bagpipe lessons are free! ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291/20 "2004-04-11T12:53:59Z")
“You have all these cats? Wonderful! I have some great recipes. When do you let them out to forage?” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-neighbor/239291.md?page=2)