# new-ness! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123 "2002-10-27T17:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/221 "2005-04-27T16:06:40Z")
**Sunspace** , it may be better not to know… _hears crashing, thumping, roaring noises from behind the porticullis, and a pair of high girlish screams_ It’s after them! Quick, unlock the porticullis! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/222 "2005-04-27T16:08:04Z")
Ummm…suuuure, **picunurse**. That’s not a problem at all. In fact, howzabout you have have a seat over here in our special…err…Initiation Observation chair…yes, that’s believable…there ya go, just hop on up. Hmm? The conveyer belt? Oh…that’s…ummm…to…move you along so you can observe the entire sequence of event…yes, that’s it… ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/223 "2005-04-27T16:26:21Z")
Uhoh. The barbarians are at the gates. Not to mention the large robotic Squck **inside** the gates. Time to exercise the better part of valor. :: jumps in the emergency escape pod and rockets off to GQ :: ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/224 "2005-04-27T16:35:06Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Ummm…suuuure, **picunurse**. Oh…that’s…ummm…to…move you along so you can observe the entire sequence of event…yes, that’s it… :dubious: **Haaaal**! Don’t you touch my **picunurse** …that’ll call for an ass whoopin of the undead variety. Stick to the newbies and the other experienced initiators. 😛 Wait…did you ever get an official initiation thread, **picunurse**? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/225 "2005-04-27T16:36:48Z")
Barbarians?!? At least _we_ don’t run off and leave a woman in danger…! _grumbling_ **Hal** , for Og’s sake, get the porticullis open before the Squck gets **Atheist Princess** – **Hal**? _sees **picunurse** _ :eek: _jumps onto conveyer belt_ Hang on! _starts undoing the knots in the cords_ ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/226 "2005-04-27T16:46:24Z")
My vote is that we conquer and colonize The Vale - make it our own! We’ll build our _own_ Initiation Complex there; we don’t need **Hal** ’s booby-trapped, atrocity-ridden maze! What? The Vale is inside **Hal** ’s castle? Oh, right… Well, let’s rescue a Princess, anyways! _Helps Kythereia with the knots_ ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/227 "2005-04-27T16:51:22Z")
Meh…I rescued the princess _years_ ago. I was the first one in my family to beat that game. What? Wrong princess? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/228 "2005-04-27T16:52:39Z")
:: Slice! Slice! :: That’s what I think of your rope! Haha! That Barbarians are indeed at the gates! Now what say you? Shall we unleash the Hatchet of War, and destroy the abominations (and **Hal** ’s cloning vat) once and for all? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/229 "2005-04-27T16:54:28Z")
_watches ropes fall to pieces_ You did it! _jumps for joy_ You go destroy the Abominations of War, **Regallag** , I think a fair princess over here needs to be looked to… _😉 at **harmless** _ ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/230 "2005-04-27T17:08:00Z")
😃 I just noticed **Hal** is off line…you know what this means right? : tackles **Hal** and secures him with bits of rope left over from **picunurse** ’s bonds : mwahahahaha… Away with the scoundrel! ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/231 "2005-04-27T17:24:41Z")
:: sends in a hologram waving a white flag :: Truce? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/232 "2005-04-27T17:26:47Z")
Vale? Duck? _What’s going on???_ [sub]I don’t remember anything anymore… [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/233 "2005-04-27T17:35:36Z")
: pauses stuffing **Hal** into the laundry shoot and looks at **Sunspace** : Now where did you come from? ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/234 "2005-04-27T17:35:43Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Vale? Duck? _What’s going on???_ > > [sub]I don’t remember anything anymore… [/sub] Oh no! **Sunspace** has lost his memory! **Sun** - don’t you remember? You were just saying how you were going to pay me back the te- uh… twenty dollars you owe me? Oh, and some other things happened. Goats and squids and stuff. No biggy. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/235 "2005-04-27T17:47:29Z")
Dollars? What are ‘dollars’? I– :: turns and looks at some of the others, especially **Kythereia** :: Woman. :: Falls over. Explosion burns and tentacle marks (among other scars) are visible on his arms. :: ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/236 "2005-04-27T17:59:29Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > :: Falls over. Explosion burns and tentacle marks (among other scars) are visible on his arms. :: Oof…looks like he’s in rough shape. Come to think of it, we _all_ must be kinda hurtin’-looking, what with all the arrows sticking out of everyone’s butts making us look like a buncha porcupines… Hmmm…a RoboPorcupine! _That’d_ help get rid of the basement beasts! ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/237 "2005-04-27T18:08:49Z")
Nope…that’d be your job. : throws a shoulder to **Hal** ’s rear end and finishes stuffing him down the laundry shoot : What the hell happened to **Sunspace**? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/238 "2005-04-27T18:23:14Z")
> [@harmless](#): > > Nope…that’d be your job. > : throws a shoulder to **Hal** ’s rear end and finishes stuffing him down the laundry shoot : > > What the hell happened to **Sunspace**? :eek: Well, let’s take a look. :: looks at **Sunspace** ’s brain :: Oh, there’s the problem. One of his lobes has been squided. The only way we can undo the damage is to journey past the vale, and through the Forest of Woe, and across the Plains of Hate, and over Morrowing Mountains to find the Wizard od Squids, al the while under constant attack from horrible, unspeakable creatures! Either that, or someone take him to a good brain surgeon. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/239 "2005-04-27T18:33:52Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > The only way we can undo the damage is to journey past the vale, and through the Forest of Woe, and across the Plains of Hate, and over Morrowing Mountains to find the Wizard od Squids, al the while under constant attack from horrible, unspeakable creatures! :eek: Er … I nominate, uh … not me. :eek: **Regallag** , you seem like a hearty fellow, why don’t you go? ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/240 "2005-04-27T18:36:00Z")
Well, I’m not a brain surgeon, but I _did_ stay at a Holiday Inn last ni - - _sigh_ OK, I’m in for The Vale! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=13)