# new-ness! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123 "2002-10-27T17:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 19
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/361 "2005-04-29T19:05:23Z")
Oh, and before anyone gets any bright ideas, those Squiligators you see parachuting from the sky will _not_ eat Squck meat. Just a little fail-safe that we here at Briston Genetics[sup]TM[/sup] (a division of MadScienceCorp[sup]TM[/sup]) engineered in. They, will, however eat just about anything else. Or any_one_ else. Have fun! ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/362 "2005-04-29T19:12:01Z")
Funny - I could have _sworn_ I asked her for the nearest tourist office, bureau de change and “Embassy Row,” in that order. My accent must be rusty. Say, everyone outside had calmed down. Why are they all screaming again? Let me just take a look outside this door, here… eep! **HAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/363 "2005-04-29T19:57:58Z")
:: Outside the door, parachutes are drifting down through the night air, bearing animals. As they land, the animals are relased. Several animals are roaming throughout the square; others are inquisitively exploring the sidestreets and breaking shop windows. Judging by the scrum around a butcher’s, the animals seem to be ravenous, yet they are ignoring the animal remains already splattered around the square–and the tentacled and feathered monstrosities in its midst. The police have formed a cordon around the train station. The McDonald’s is smashed, and smoke rises from several points in the village. A car screeches in a side street; there is a crashing sound. Someonme screams. There is the sound of gunfire. :: :: **Sunspace** slams the door and turns to the others. :: It looks like a war out there. :: He turns to the pub. :: _Pardonnez-vous. Parlez-vous français? Nous sommes voyageurs…_ ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/364 "2005-04-29T19:59:42Z")
Some one translate this, I need to rally the townsfolk! Brothers and sisters! We have seen the horros that have come downupon us. But we do yet have a chance to survive! We must fight! We must fight side by side, united! You may think that these foes are too horrid to face, but tell me… would you rather die on your knees, snivelling, like a blind dog? _Or_ do you fight? Come with me, and together we shall destroy these creatures! We shall drive them back to the hell from which they came! HUURRRAAAAGGGGHHHH! ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/365 "2005-04-29T20:07:22Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > Some one translate this, I need to rally the townsfolk! > > Brothers and sisters! We have seen the horros that have come downupon us. But we do yet have a chance to survive! We must fight! We must fight side by side, united! You may think that these foes are too horrid to face, but tell me… would you rather die on your knees, snivelling, like a blind dog? _Or_ do you fight? Come with me, and together we shall destroy these creatures! We shall drive them back to the hell from which they came! HUURRRAAAAGGGGHHHH! Howzabout driving them back to the **HAL** from which they came? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/366 "2005-04-29T20:09:47Z")
Regallag, I think action and tone of voice would carry the day there. It’s when you want to give tactical commands that the problems arise… :: The pub door slams open. A member of the paramilitary police enters and yells to the room. :: _Cxu iu scias ion pri la inferbestoj? Diru nun!_ :: He repeats the question in French. :: :: Several people reply. Two of them point at the travellers. :: ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/367 "2005-04-29T20:24:29Z")
I can’t help but think that our now oddly-silent-but-cute co-adventurers would come mightily in handy right about now… **Sunspace** , you seem to speak French - what did the gendarme just ask? ---
**Author:** ![the4thmooncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce7236/32.png) [@the4thmooncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the4thmooncat)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/368 "2005-04-29T20:30:07Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Where’s **mooncat**? ::wanders over:: I’m here, I’m here, sheesh. ::coughs up part of a tentacle:: What are you looking at? It was dead on landing… ok, maybe a little after landing. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/369 "2005-04-29T20:32:36Z")
:: is a mysterious voice from nowhere once again ('cause it’s fun 😃 ) :: He said, “who are the idiots responsible for this disaster that I may throw them into the bottomless pit outside our village?” Good luck climbing out of THAT hole, guys. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/370 "2005-04-29T20:34:16Z")
My French is, um, really bad. And these people have a really weird accent. I think he wants to know who we are– :: The policeman confronts them :: _Kiu vi estas, kial vi cxeestas tie cxi?_ _Qui sont-vous? Pourquoi êtes-vous ici?_ ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/371 "2005-04-29T20:45:44Z")
If they want to toss _me_ in a pit they’ve got another thing comin’. I generally do try to be a good guy, but, when it comes down to it, I’m fully capable of takin’ these parmilitary folks. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/372 "2005-04-29T20:46:57Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > My French is, um, really bad. And these people have a really weird accent. I think he wants to know who we are– > > :: The policeman confronts them :: > > _Kiu vi estas, kial vi cxeestas tie cxi?_ > _Qui sont-vous? Pourquoi êtes-vous ici?_ — and why we’re here. Got it. {ahem} \*Nous sommes les voyageurs simples qui rien n’e faire avec les monstres. Qui est votre papa ? \* I told him that we’re travellers, and have nothing to do with these monsters. I also asked him who’s in charge - I think… ---
**Author:** ![the4thmooncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce7236/32.png) [@the4thmooncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the4thmooncat)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/373 "2005-04-29T20:49:14Z")
::finishes cleaning claws:: My French isn’t the best either, but I think he’s asking… um… lessee… who we are and why we’re here. Um… why _are_ we here anyway? And where are we? I forgot. [sub]\::crosses her claws that someone will start noticing her posts::\[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/374 "2005-04-29T21:01:05Z")
**MoonCat** , keep those claws ready. I don’t trust these guys. I don’t trust our interprtters either… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/375 "2005-04-29T21:03:38Z")
> [@the4thmooncat](#): > > ::finishes cleaning claws:: > > My French isn’t the best either, but I think he’s asking… um… lessee… who we are and why we’re here. > > Um… why _are_ we here anyway? And where are we? I forgot. We’re here for food. All that other stuff is, um, nothing to do with us. Uh… _Nous sommes touristes. Nous sommes ici pour manger. Nous ne savons rien pour les monstres._ [sub]I hope I got that right.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2005, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/376 "2005-04-29T22:03:31Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > I hope I got that right. Me too. ---
**Author:** ![the4thmooncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce7236/32.png) [@the4thmooncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the4thmooncat)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2005, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/377 "2005-04-30T00:47:21Z")
Sounds right to me, but they have a weird dialect around here. [sub]\sorry for the sporadic replies, i’ve been sick and keep falling asleep ~sigh\[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Atheist\_Princess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@Atheist\_Princess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atheist_Princess)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2005, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/378 "2005-04-30T11:04:39Z")
Well, this just keeps getting netter and better doesnt it. Does anyone know _exactly_ where we are? If so…there is a royal army at my disposal if this all gets too much… I’m still rather hungry, probably best if we dont think on an empty stomach… food anyone?? As for the rapid onset of mutated animals…well that guy is gonna get it when i see him :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/379 "2005-04-30T17:00:43Z")
Uh oh, now the Princess is mad. :: ducks for cover :: ---
**Author:** ![Improbability](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/cc9497/32.png) [@Improbability](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improbability)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/380 "2005-04-30T17:08:31Z")
This thread is still going on?! What’s happened to me? Am I still alive? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=18) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=20)