# new-ness! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123 "2002-10-27T17:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/41 "2005-04-19T14:01:37Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Pshaw! Are you kidding me? I spent _years_ watching MST3K…these jokes have _no_ effect on me! Hmm. Tickling’s not working. Bad jokes aren’t working. Any ideas, folks? Need some help here! ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/42 "2005-04-19T14:14:34Z")
How about bad poetry? _I wandered lonely As an ant…_ No, huh? OK - - limericks! _There once was a maid from Madras Who had the most beautiful ass It was not, as you think, Round, firm, and pink But was gray, had long ears and ate grass!_ Hmmm… He’s made of stronger stuff. NEXT! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/43 "2005-04-19T14:16:43Z")
All right, get the RoboGoat. We’ll see how he likes a taste of his own…medicine. _snickers evilly_ ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/44 "2005-04-19T14:39:09Z")
:: **Sunspace** drops a hammer and turns from a RoboGoat access panel. :: Okay, I think I’ve got the remote lockout bypassed, and we can use any learning remote with this thing. Let’s see… :: **Sunspace** picks up a remote and presses a button. :: :: the RoboGoat perks up, turns towards **Hal** , and advances. :: :: **Sunspace** presses another button. :: :: The RoboGoat lowers its head and starts to accelerate. Unfortunately, its aim is a little off. It misses **Hal** in the chair and impacts the wall, creating a small indentation and collapsing in a heap. :: Ooops. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/45 "2005-04-19T14:50:23Z")
:: holds up the remote which she had successfully picked out of Hal’s pocket :: Why didn’t you _wait_?! :: kicks \*\*Sunspace \*\* :: ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/46 "2005-04-19T16:58:17Z")
Hmmm…I’m torn here. It would seem that yet _another_ one of my beloved RoboGoats has been trashed, and I’ve lost my remote control. On the plus side, however, I _did_ just have **Anaamika** rummaging around in my pockets. 😉 Note to self: Fingerprint identification protocol on the next remote. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/47 "2005-04-19T17:33:31Z")
Whew. 48 posts, and no signs of any mutated things. Well, let’s “re-initiate” Hal! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/48 "2005-04-19T17:52:05Z")
:: glances around, rolls up drum :: Here’s the canola oil… ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/49 "2005-04-19T17:52:50Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > Whew. 48 posts, and no signs of any mutated things. Well, let’s “re-initiate” Hal! No point. He _likes_ it. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/50 "2005-04-19T18:34:42Z")
_rescues **Sunspace** and scolds **Anaamika** roundly, tinkers in the corner with the RoboGoat_ There we go! _as it slowly gets back up_ I think it’s on the move now, it’s– _scrambles to feet as it flees from the room_ Hey! Wait! Get back here! Help! :eek: Omigosh… It’s headed for Mariah’s room! _takes a quick time-out to dunk **Hal** in canola oil, then resumes chase_ ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/51 "2005-04-19T18:40:29Z")
Hi! Welcome to page 2 of your welcome thread. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/52 "2005-04-19T18:44:14Z")
Geeee…if only _someone_ here knew the emergency RoboGoat shutdown procedure. Well, actually, someone does. But he seems to be shackled to a chair, and short one remote control. Oh well…looks like the RoboGoat is just going to demolish the initation complex and leave poooor Mariah to die… \*So unlock me and gimme back my remote already, damnit! \* :dubious: \ **Harmy**! Perfect! You’ll help me out, right?? 😃 Right? Right?? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/53 "2005-04-19T18:50:51Z")
We _have_ an emergency shutdown procedure. :: holds up 1920’s-style “Death Ray” :: I found some more B-size batteries. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/54 "2005-04-19T18:55:56Z")
Perfect! Press the button! _cheering_ ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/55 "2005-04-19T19:22:19Z")
:: aims 1920’s-style “Death Ray” at door through which the RoboGoat has gone :: BZZZOWNNT :: the door is gone; a wide circular hole is all that remains. Part of the floor beyond has been obliterated, and water is rapidly draining from the upper part of the Squid Storage Pool, revealing the …contents… of the pool. The RoboGoat is nowhere to be seen. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/56 "2005-04-19T19:48:44Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Geeee…if only _someone_ here knew the emergency RoboGoat shutdown procedure. > > Well, actually, someone does. But he seems to be shackled to a chair, and short one remote control. Oh well…looks like the RoboGoat is just going to demolish the initation complex and leave poooor Mariah to die… > \*So unlock me and gimme back my remote already, damnit! \* :dubious: > > \ > > **Harmy**! Perfect! You’ll help me out, right?? 😃 > > Right? Right?? \*ignoring \*\*Kythereia’s \*\* scolding except to 😛 \* \*\*Harmless \*\* is mine! And she loves me enough to do what I say! **Harmless** , please? I want to play with him some more! :eek: Don’t untie him yet. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/57 "2005-04-19T19:51:35Z")
:p? Oh, my dear… _grabs bow and takes aim, shoots golden arrow into **Anaamika** and leaden arrow into **Hal** _ ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/58 "2005-04-19T20:00:08Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > _grabs bow and takes aim, shoots golden arrow into **Anaamika** and leaden arrow into **Hal** _ Ow! WTF was that? Am I supposed to fall in love with somebody now or something? Poor **Hal** , a leaden arrow? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/59 "2005-04-19T20:07:50Z")
According to Greek legend, a golden arrow does not hurt 😉 and causes someone to fall madly in love, while a leaden arrow also does not hurt but causes that person to hate and despise even the very thought of love. Sooooo… _g_ ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/60 "2005-04-19T20:12:16Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > According to Greek legend, a golden arrow does not hurt 😉 and causes someone to fall madly in love, while a leaden arrow also does not hurt but causes that person to hate and despise even the very thought of love. - \*_Anaamika \*\* glares at **Kythereia** …which suddenly changes to a look of mad passion_ **Kythereia**! You’re _mine_! \*chases \*\*Kythereia \*\* down, ignoring \*_Hal \*\* completely_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=4)