# new-ness! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123 "2002-10-27T17:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 39
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/761 "2005-05-28T14:19:41Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Yep, that’s U.S. Dollars. There should’ve been a few more zeros on the end of it, but my printer eventually ran out of ink. > > Keep in mind, of course, that with 20 Giant Ourangatangaroosturgeons you could going on a rather profitable crime spree. > > Not that I condone that type of behaviour…just saying is all… OK…well, here’s $100, and here’s a 50-gallon drum full of spiders and lizards and boll weevils and giant cockroaches and super-centipedes and…and…Og knows what else. Now hand over the remote and I’ll deliver the balance of what I owe in, say, 30 days? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/762 "2005-05-28T20:48:24Z")
Tell you what…here’s your hundred bucks back. Pick all the nasty-ass spiders out of the drum and squish 'em, and I’ll give you the remote. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/763 "2005-05-29T13:03:57Z")
What’s this? **Hal Briston** , creator of indescribably horrific creatures through genetic engineering, is afraid of/doesn’t like spiders? ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/764 "2005-05-29T16:47:46Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > What’s this? **Hal Briston** , creator of indescribably horrific creatures through genetic engineering, is afraid of/doesn’t like spiders? Is there something _wrong_ with that? :dubious: Spiders are the devil’s spawn. Just go find one and ask it. It’ll tell ya. Evil. Pure evil. [sub]Evil.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/765 "2005-05-29T17:35:44Z")
Spiders, eh? :: chortles evilly, rubs hands together :: Bwa-ha-ha-ha… :: pause :: :: looks around :: Er, uh, hi **Hal**! :: sings :: _Little Miss Muffet/ Sat on a tuffet/ Eating her curds and whey…_ 😃 [sub]you know, I always wondered why he never explored the arachnid end of things with his creations… [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/766 "2005-05-29T19:56:54Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > What’s this? **Hal Briston** , creator of indescribably horrific creatures through genetic engineering, is afraid of/doesn’t like spiders? [This](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6192376&postcount=2) [is](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5901343&postcount=12) [well](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4485328&postcount=11) [documented](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6011315&postcount=24). :: sprays a few thousand gallons of spare DDT around the complex, just in case :: ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/767 "2005-05-30T02:12:24Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > :: sprays a few thousand gallons of spare DDT around the complex, just in case :: _Cough cough cough_ Hey, pal, watch it with that stuff. You know it tends to cause immediate mutations in genetically altered lifeforms and - uh oh. (Exits the compunds at roughly point five past light speed) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/768 "2005-05-30T02:16:18Z")
:: a quick flash of tentacular motion :: :: a dry scuttling sound :: :: the glint of organic-carbon-crystal claws :: Uh-oh. ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/769 "2005-05-30T02:30:07Z")
:::walks in non-chalantly with a stack of pizzas::: Hey, guys, I brought more pizza. :::walks out::: ---
**Author:** ![Atheist\_Princess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@Atheist\_Princess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atheist_Princess)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/770 "2005-05-30T04:07:24Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > [This](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6192376&postcount=2) [is](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5901343&postcount=12) [well](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4485328&postcount=11) [documented](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6011315&postcount=24). > > :: sprays a few thousand gallons of spare DDT around the complex, just in case :: I see 😉 What is that sound? What? Mutation? OH HELL NO! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/771 "2005-05-30T12:18:59Z")
> [@Atheist Princess](#): > > I see 😉 > > What is that sound? What? Mutation? OH HELL NO! Well, if that’s a mutation, something didn’t quite go right. Look! The poor thing can barely move! :: mewling sounds :: :: the creature scrabbles at the floor, its eight legs and tentacles barely gripping :: It’s helpless. :: another more normal creature, crablike, passes nearby :: :: suddenly one of the ‘ineffectual’ tentacles lashes out, grabbing the crab :: :: the tentacle pulls the crab back, and the entire top of the creature’s body opens back, revealing a maw filled with diamond teeth :: :: the crab vanishes into the maw, and the flap closes :: :: there is a chewing, crunching moise, and the creature grows just a little bit bigger :: Uh-oh. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/772 "2005-05-30T14:02:49Z")
If anyone needs me, I’m up here. Out of reach, I hope. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/773 "2005-05-30T15:26:33Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > If anyone needs me, I’m up here. Out of reach, I hope. Me too, I think. :: looks for convenient way up :: ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/774 "2005-05-30T15:45:36Z")
:: a tentacle hashes out again :: :: the pizzas brought by **Feydeau** vanish :: :: the creatue settles back, somehow with a smug expression, even though it doesn’t have anything resembling a normal face :: ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/775 "2005-05-30T16:36:18Z")
**lowers rope for Sunspace, careful to keep a look out for tentacles.** I almost typed “…keep an eye out for…” but decided I wanted to keep both my eyes in. Strange things have happened in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/776 "2005-05-30T17:08:44Z")
Thanks, **Snakescatlady**. I’m used to dealing with, or at least distracting, calamari. This critter is new. :: looks around :: :: the creature is slowly pulling its eight legs into its body :: :: it seems to be becoming taller :: :: everyone else is easing towards the exits, or has already left :: I wonder whether there’s another exit off this ledge? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/777 "2005-05-30T18:25:44Z")
…tree begins easing toward the exit…where’s the exit? ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/778 "2005-05-31T02:17:43Z")
Uh oh. Where’s **Regallag** and his horde when you need them? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/779 "2005-05-31T02:36:16Z")
That thing better not be eating my Ourangatangaroosturgeons! I haven’t paid for 'em yet! ---
**Author:** ![Atheist\_Princess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@Atheist\_Princess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atheist_Princess)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/780 "2005-05-31T02:47:38Z")
Awww…I really need to get out of here ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=38) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=40)