# new-ness! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123 "2002-10-27T17:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 42
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/821 "2005-06-03T17:41:29Z")
I would remind you to respect your alders, but it’s plane to see, you don’t give a crape-myrtle. With you at the elm, I wouldn’t wager a fig for our chances of survival, though my dogwood. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/822 "2005-06-03T17:59:52Z")
\*\*\*GAAAAA!!! \* \*\*Enough! One more bad pun and I release my most awful, horrid, bloodthirty, mean-tempered creation ever!! ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/823 "2005-06-03T18:11:02Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > \*\*\*GAAAAA!!! \* \*\*Enough! One more bad pun and I release my most awful, horrid, bloodthirty, mean-tempered creation ever!! Pine! Be that way! ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/824 "2005-06-03T18:26:15Z")
Yew’re such a crab. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/825 "2005-06-03T18:31:11Z")
_ **AARRRGGGHHHH!!!** _ :: Slams fist on big red button :: :: Gigantic door opens in south wall :: :: Abomination unlike any other emerges :: You were given fair warning…now you will have to face your pun-ishment! Attack, my pet! :: **Rufus Xavier** is set upon by a giant, ravenous, bloodthirsty, venomous, Great White Saber-Tooth Rattleantulidilluphineoasaurus :: ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/826 "2005-06-03T18:45:04Z")
:eek: Looks like **Hal** got board with the tree puns. Wooden’t you know… ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/827 "2005-06-03T18:45:57Z")
Yeah, he’s off his walnut. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/828 "2005-06-03T19:40:53Z")
Oak-ay, I can tell we’re branching off in all the wrong directions. If we can’t get to the root of the problem, you’re all just going to have to leaf. Special Thanks to my pal Phil for these most un-holly of puns! ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/829 "2005-06-03T19:46:07Z")
Aw, shove it up your ash. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/830 "2005-06-03T19:50:44Z")
Right…that’s one…two…three more Great White Saber-Tooth Rattleantulidilluphineoasaurus released into the common room. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/831 "2005-06-03T20:03:01Z")
That’s the problem, **Hal**. We’re in an uncommon room. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/832 "2005-06-03T20:53:17Z")
Look! They’re mating, or something. It must be spring! Gosh, I hope this doesn’t _lumber_ us with a lot of little ones… ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/833 "2005-06-03T20:55:15Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Look! They’re mating, or something. It must be spring! > > Gosh, I hope this doesn’t _lumber_ us with a lot of little ones… Go, man, go! Don’t rest on your laurels! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/834 "2005-06-03T21:07:24Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > :: **Rufus Xavier** is set upon by a giant, ravenous, bloodthirsty, venomous, Great White Saber-Tooth Rattleantulidilluphineoasaurus :: Whoa. That thing gives me the willows. I just swallowed my gum. I’d be nuts to stick around here, so I think I’ll be leaving now. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/835 "2005-06-03T21:28:33Z")
We’re rooting fer ya, **Rufus Xavier!** Don’t leave now! ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/836 "2005-06-03T23:20:42Z")
Sorry to leave yew in the larch, but I’ve already packed my trunk. Maybe you should call the copse. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/837 "2005-06-04T00:31:30Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > Sorry to leave yew in the larch, but I’ve already packed my trunk. Maybe you should call the copse. Aw, yew know what the copse’ll bee like: they’ll come barrelling in with their austomatic weapons and blow everything to splinters. Better to take care of it ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/838 "2005-06-04T00:38:20Z")
Ah! The puns! They hurt! :: slumps into a pile clutching his head :: uh… ow… my brain… wow, **Hal** , you sure went to town with that giant, ravenous, bloodthirsty, venomous, Great White Saber-Tooth Rattleantulidilluphineoasaurus. And **Rufus** , I’m suprised you’re not leafing. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/839 "2005-06-04T02:04:07Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Aw, yew know what the copse’ll bee like: they’ll come barrelling in with their austomatic weapons and blow everything to splinters. Better to take care of it ourselves. I’m sure you can teak care of it. I just don’t have the balsa. ---
**Author:** ![Atheist\_Princess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@Atheist\_Princess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atheist_Princess)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2005, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/840 "2005-06-05T01:13:26Z")
OW! These puns hurt. If I could leave I would :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=41) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=43)