# new-ness! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123 "2002-10-27T17:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2005, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/121 "2005-04-20T23:47:55Z")
:: Fighting off frenzied robo-goat :: Gods damn-it, just die! :: slash, crach, bash :: Ha! Got yer leg robo-goat! Whatcha gonna do now? Oh… I see that **Hal** installed a fifth leg… Oh, my God, thats…! RUUUUUUN! ---
**Author:** ![RancidYakButterTeaParty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/53a042/32.png) [@RancidYakButterTeaParty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RancidYakButterTeaParty)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2005, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/122 "2005-04-20T23:49:14Z")
What in the holy name of Cthulhu is going on in here? I came by to welcome a newbie, and I can’t even find her. What in the heck did you guys do? What is that… Get away… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/123 "2005-04-20T23:57:48Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > Oh, my God, thats…! NOT IT’S LEG!!! hey, wait a minute… :: looks at \*\*Hal \*\* with renewed interest :: ---
**Author:** ![sneezy5660](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@sneezy5660](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sneezy5660)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/124 "2005-04-21T02:44:17Z")
O.K. who gave the Robo-Goat Levitra? **Anaamika** , you’d better watch out. **Hal, Regallag, Sunspace** , somebody save the girls. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/125 "2005-04-21T11:03:13Z")
You know, despite my sheer and blind panic, I can see this as an upcoming Fox special: _When Robot-Mutant Initiation Mascots Attack!_ _hacks at 5th leg with +3 Vorpal_ Aw, shit! I think it’s getting bigger - and now it’s walking with a limp! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/126 "2005-04-21T11:58:26Z")
> [@sneezy5660](#): > > O.K. who gave the Robo-Goat Levitra? **Anaamika** , you’d better watch out. **Hal, Regallag, Sunspace** , somebody save the girls. I’m pretty sure it’s \*\*Hal \*\* who gave the thing Levitra, so I doubt he’s going to save us. He’s probably in his Evil Overlord Observation Room laughing maniacally. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/127 "2005-04-21T15:40:29Z")
_runs up to Hal’s observation room, aims bow at the back of his head_ Remote! Now! Or I shoot and you get infatuated with your RoboSquckGoat monster! ---
**Author:** ![Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fromage_A_Trois)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/128 "2005-04-21T15:54:28Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Remote! Now! Or I shoot and you get infatuated with your RoboSquckGoat monster! Wow! That is a beautifully twisted mind… no wonder you’re so good at these initiation threads! I hope you’re never let loose on me… much. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/129 "2005-04-21T16:05:42Z")
Thanks, darling. For you, a special love potion–like you’d ever need it. 😉 _back to **Hal** _ Hand over the remote! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/130 "2005-04-21T16:50:57Z")
1. How the hell did all these people get into the _Evil Overlord Observation Room Of Evil_?? Those doors are triple-locked with biometric security measures?? Sneaky ones, aint’cha? 2. No, that was _not_ a leg. It’s a flamethrower. 3. Remote? No problem…here ya go. However, I _did_ add fingerprint identification to it. Good luck getting it to work. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/131 "2005-04-21T16:58:13Z")
_unshackles **Hal** and hauls him up_ Luck, my darling, has nothing whatsoever to do with it… _drags him along corridor towards RoboGoat, keeping arrow aimed_ ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/132 "2005-04-21T17:08:22Z")
Now, me, _I_ vote that we operate the remote with Hal’s fingers, sure. No-one said they had to still be attached to him, right? And I must say, that’s one funky place to put a flamethrower! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/133 "2005-04-21T17:16:52Z")
Oh, we couldn’t be that cruel to **Hal** , really. And I think **Anaamika** ’s already got something for him… _winks at **Daithi** over **Hal** ’s back_ _ducks a jet of flame from the RoboGoat’s… flamethrower_ ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/134 "2005-04-21T17:21:03Z")
Hey! Plumps when you cook him! Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/135 "2005-04-21T17:29:25Z")
I, myself would have put a flamethrower there, just to confuse my opponents. :: Clash! Bang! Smash! :: However, now I just need to keep it from flamethrowering me. Have at you! :: Smash! Boom! Pow! :: ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/136 "2005-04-21T17:41:21Z")
Allright…enough of this! :: keys in command on other remote :: :: RoboSquck turns from the battle now raging between the Squck and the RoboGoat – there is a flash of metallic tentacles, and **Daithi** finds himself dangling by his ankle, 30’ in the air. **Kythereia** is hanging by the seat of her pants, while her precious bow and arrow set wind up in **Hal** ’s hands :: Well, well, well…doesn’t _this_ make for an interesting development? RoboSquck? You may deposit these two back in the Vale. ::keys in command :: I’ll be in my _quintuple-locked, heavily guarded, absolutely impenetrable_ lab adding a new feature to the next version of the RoboGoat. With these arrows, people will be _begging_ to be initated! :: manical, evil laugh :: ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/137 "2005-04-21T17:44:13Z")
_scream of rage, hurls herself at RoboSquck_ _Give those back right now or you will **never** have sex ever again!_ :mad: :mad: :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/138 "2005-04-21T17:48:30Z")
Hmmm…good point. :: puts a few arrows aside for Mrs. Briston :: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/139 "2005-04-21T17:51:04Z")
Help me! _to other Dopers, frantically fighting to get free of the RoboSquck as it lurches towards the Vale_ Please! Hot naked men and women for everyone, I promise! ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/140 "2005-04-21T17:55:14Z")
And if anyone helps me, I promise… er… uh… I promise… Hmmm… HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP! damn! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=8)