# new-ness! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123 "2002-10-27T17:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/141 "2005-04-21T18:05:59Z")
Unnnh… uhhhh… _struggling to get free of the RoboSquck’s tentacles, kicks it in the side_ …hey… wait a minute…! **Hal**! Over here! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/142 "2005-04-21T18:34:30Z")
Ha ha! I’ve been hiding, waiting for him to come out! :: leaps out of nowhere, grabs an arrow and shoves it in \*\*Hal’s \*\* butt. Kicks him over, remotes go flying every which way. :: Get the remotes! Somebody! Anybody! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/143 "2005-04-21T18:40:32Z")
Get me my bow and arrows back, **Ana**! It’s the only way we can get the RoboSquck to let us go! _screaming at the top of her lungs, as she is dragged towards the deadly Vale_ ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/144 "2005-04-21T18:56:16Z")
Sorry, **Kythereia** …your arrows were already loaded into the RoboGoat Mark VI. However, since **Anaamika** sent the remote for that one flying before I could finish installing safeguards, the RGM VI is…ummm…more or less a loose cannon. However, since he’s still in the lab, I think we’re safe. \ :eek: Or not. :: slides under a pile or rubble to avoid the barrage of arrows streaking towards…well…_everyone_ in here :: ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/145 "2005-04-21T19:00:29Z")
Oh, for the love of-- _throws the apple of the Hesperides that she was planning to use at **Hal** ’s head, knocking him squarely out_ **Ana**! Get the remote! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/146 "2005-04-21T19:31:49Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > **Ana**! Get the remote! :: dives for the remote, grabbing it and sliding across the floor :: :: starts pressing buttons furiously :: It won’t work! It’s only keyed for \*\*Hal’s \*\* fingers!!! **Daitha**! Get his fingers! Attached or not attached, I don’t care! ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/147 "2005-04-21T19:39:49Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > **Daitha**! Get his fingers! Attached or not attached, I don’t care! _stretching to his limits_ Hngh! HNNGH! Nope - no good - I’m still twenty feet up, and don’t fancy my chances throwing the Vorpal from up here; might lop off more than fingers… Which reminds me - I’ve gotta stop renting tuxes for these initiations! I’ve already lost my deposit twice already, due to damage… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/148 "2005-04-21T19:51:28Z")
> [@Daithi Lacha](#): > > _stretching to his limits_ > Hngh! HNNGH! > > Nope - no good - I’m still twenty feet up, and don’t fancy my chances throwing the Vorpal from up here; might lop off more than fingers… Oh damn I forgot you were up there. I don’t have anything to cut \*\*Hal’s \*\* fingers off! Um…\* thinks furiously \* Oh yeah! He’s knocked out! :: sidles over to him, grabs his hand, and uses it to start pressing random buttons :: :: The tentacle holding \*\*Daitha \*\* flings him across the room, into the Evil Overlord Observation Room. The door slams shut. \*\*Kythereia \*\* is unceremoniously dumped on the floor. :: ---
**Author:** ![sneezy5660](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@sneezy5660](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sneezy5660)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/149 "2005-04-21T20:01:59Z")
**Anaamika** , how the heck are we gonna get **Daithi** out of the EOOR? Isn’t it keyed to **Hal** ’s fingerprints? I know, see if you can use the remote to hold **Hal** up in the air, and use his fingers, attached or not, to open the door. **Kytheria** , are you allright hon? Next time land on somebody! Does the Robo-Goat still have all your arrows? Maybe if you shoot all the monsters, they will have an orgy, and we can get away. Or watch. Maybe. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/150 "2005-04-21T20:03:11Z")
Woo-Hoo! King O’ the World! Hmmm… A BIG RED BUTTON, labeled **ON/OFF**. Huh! Now - will it power something _on_, or will it power something _off_? Aw, screw it! _ **PUSH!!!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/151 "2005-04-21T20:13:35Z")
> [@sneezy5660](#): > > **Anaamika** , how the heck are we gonna get **Daithi** out of the EOOR? Isn’t it keyed to **Hal** ’s fingerprints? I know, see if you can use the remote to hold **Hal** up in the air, and use his fingers, attached or not, to open the door. I figure he’s got the Power in there, he can do anything! Wait…what did he just push?! All the lights went out! What’s that ominous grinding noise? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/152 "2005-04-21T20:14:02Z")
:: groggily coming out of concussive stupor :: What the…oh yeah…Mark VI…arrows…apples…hmmm, where’re my remotes (I gotta design a Universal remote for these things)…and why do I feel like I’ve been dragged over half the castle? :: watches **Daithi** put the Big Red Button :: Errr… :: starts edging towards the door :: …you see, I often retrofit standard remotes to fit my needs… :: eding closer to the door :: …and since I didn’t want anyone else using them, I never clearly label the buttons… :: closer still :: …and since I figured that if someone else had the remote, it would probably mean that I was nowhere near here… :: hand on doorknob :: …and since I didn’t want any of my creations in anyone else’s hands, I used the big “ON/OFF” button for the… :: zips out the door, runs a few hundred yards away, pulls out megaphone :: …Unstoppable Castle Self-Destruction Sequence Initation button! ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/153 "2005-04-21T20:24:24Z")
poop! _jumps out where he came in & runs like hell_ Note to self: **STOP PUSHING BUTTONS!!!** ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/154 "2005-04-21T20:37:18Z")
WHAT ABOUT THE NEWBIE?? Someone save her! She’s still shackled to the chair! I’d do it, but… well, frankly, I don’t want to get in the middle of this mess!! :runs madly from the thread: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/155 "2005-04-21T20:48:06Z")
> [@taxi78cab](#): > > WHAT ABOUT THE NEWBIE?? Someone save her! She’s still shackled to the chair! I’d do it, but… well, frankly, I don’t want to get in the middle of this mess!! > > :runs madly from the thread: Where’s the Axe? Screw it, I’ll save her! :: runs over and starts pressing buttons on the remote again. :: ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/156 "2005-04-21T21:16:07Z")
:: from a safe distance, communicating over the P.A. system :: Ok folks, I wouldn’t waste any time trying to disable the self-destruct system. It’s the thing I put the largest amount of funding into…you’re _not_ going to be able to turn it off. So I’d suggest making tracks _now_! Not much time left…the place goes _boom_ fifteen posts after the button is pushed, which means we’ll be mopping up anyone left in the castle after post #165. Move it!! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/157 "2005-04-21T21:40:49Z")
Wha…? :: looks madly back and forth between the Exit and the newbie :: I can’t just leave her here, though! I’ve got it… Newbie! Can you stand? Come on! :: grabs the newbie’s chair and drags it behind us :: Run! Let’s get out of here! ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/158 "2005-04-21T22:02:17Z")
:: Just regaining conciousness after being kicked by robo-goat :: Ha ha! :: slices though the newbies shackles :: _Now_ we run like hell! :: runs like hell :: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/159 "2005-04-21T22:55:33Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > :: Just regaining conciousness after being kicked by robo-goat :: > Ha ha! > :: slices though the newbies shackles :: > _Now_ we run like hell! > :: runs like hell :: Hey thanks **Axe**! I owe you one. Let’s go, everybody! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123/160 "2005-04-22T02:24:20Z")
:: **Sunspace** regains consciousness. Again. :: What the \*(##þ happened? :: He looks around. There is nobody human in the room. Debris from a battle litters the floor: arrows, bodily fluids, unidentifiable pieces of char, scraps of fabric and leather. There are several large holes among the scars and burn marks in the walls; they reveal offices, the Squid Storage Room, a control room. Miraculously, the Squid tank is undamaged. However, Mariah is not visible. Footprints lead in the direction of the main entrance, the ceremonial door the newbies enter through. It is the only doorway with doors still on their hinges. These doors are swinging slowly closed. There is a RoboGoat in the room. :: Whaa– :: Yhe RoboGoat shakily turns toward **Sunspace**. It appears much the worse for wear, but it is definitely not down for the count. :: Oh crap. :: **Sunspace** staggers to hos feet. The RoboGoat starts to advance. :: :: **Sunspace** looks frantically around. He looks at the stairway doors, remembering the lower room and its door to the miraculous mountain valley. But then he remembers how that door was closed and re-opened to reveal only another dank basement room. He looks towards the ceremonial entrance, and sees the foorprints. :: Everybody _ran???_ :: He looks around again, and notices a pulsing red light. It comes from the half-visible control room. :: I have a bad feeling about this. :: **Sunspace** staggers out the newbies’ ceremonial door, following the footprints. The RoboGoat turns to follow. :: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-ness/134123.md?page=9)