# New pet. Please tell me what to expect. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 10, 2003, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287 "2003-05-10T05:17:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/21 "2003-05-12T17:03:50Z")
You must name him Admiral Ackbar. ---
**Author:** ![Mielikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Mielikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mielikki)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/22 "2003-05-12T17:44:12Z")
I would call him Dr. Zoidberg. Although Tentacles is also a good name. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/23 "2003-05-12T19:22:26Z")
How about Callie? Callie Mari! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/24 "2003-05-12T23:54:17Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by jackelope_ > Aww, I think those little lap-squids are just so adorable! Give it a name like Muffin or Percy, and you can carry it anywhere; it’s almost like having a new purse or hat. > > Some of us want a REAL pet, though. By which I mean something good for home security; something that’ll run up to you and shower you with goofy squid-affection when you come home tired from work; something you can take to the park and impress the girls with; and of course, something that’ll be a real companion, instead of a mere ornament. > > Yep, for those of us who like our animals big and playful, nothing beats the Colossal Squid. I confess that I originally had my eye on a COLOSSAL squid, but my current budget can only accommodate a GIANT one. However, since I signed up for the weekly e-newsletter from Cryptopetshop.com, my mailbox has been full to bursting with many fascinating and (I am sure) totally legitimate product advertisements. Of particular interest is the Squidagra™ ALL NATURAL 100% HERBL MANTLE ENH4NC3R!! SATISFACTIONZ GUARANZ. If I order a subscription for the introductory nine-month program at $1999.95 a month, that would in time give me a Colossal Squid for a fraction of the actual cost. Not that I care about size, though. [aside] Psst, you guys… **“Lap squid”** is a really, _really_ neat phrase that IMO deserves to be exploited as much as possible here on the SDMB. [/aside] > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Rico_ > Maake sure the Squid-a-trail is big enough for him to squish through. My kingdom for a webcam! Then I could show you guys how CUTE he looks when he’s playing in it! Kind of like Augustus Gloop getting sucked through the tube in _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Finagle_ > There’s been a lot of debate about outdoor squid vs. indoor squid. Some people think that it’s cruel to keep a squid confined inside a tiny 20,000 sq. foot tank, while others say that it will be perfectly happy and will live longer without the risk of being run down by oil tankers or eaten by whales… Put me in the “indoor” camp. While I can’t deny that my 25,000 sq. foot tank (I sprang for the next size up) is as rich or natural an environment as the Bathypelagic Zone, rest assured that I make every effort to ensure my pet is comfortable and sufficiently stimulated. So should I buy the “Bubbling Diver” or “Treasure Chest” next? (Or is a simple ceramic “No Fishing” sign the way to go?) I’d like to express my gratitude for all the wonderful name suggestions. It’s hard to choose just one. Would it be pretentious of me to use all of them? Seeing the name **Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid** tastefully engraved on brass plate that runs the perimeter of the tank would be faboo. **Zebra** , unfortunately I have to turn down **Callie Mari** because **Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid** is indeed a boy squid. Ha ha… BOY, was I embarrassed when he started humping my SO’s leg! But what proud owner of a male giant squid hasn’t had this happen? ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/25 "2003-05-13T17:39:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MineFujiko \* > **My kingdom for a webcam! Then I could show you guys how CUTE he looks when he’s playing in it!** Until then, could you please post some still pictures of **Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid** so we could all see how cute he is? (Not that we don’t take your word for it! 😃 ) Just post the pictures on his Web site. (He does have his own Web site, doesn’t he?) I don’t think **www.Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie [McSquid.com](http://McSquid.com)** is taken yet hint, hint. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/26 "2003-05-13T17:58:32Z")
Quoth **Monster104** : > [@](#): > > Just teach him to hold and fire 4 assault rifles, one shotgun, one pistol, and an RPG launcher, with the 8th tentacle reserved for a speed dial call to 911. What, no BFG? No Redeemer personal tactical nuke? Amateur. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/27 "2003-05-13T18:08:14Z")
You should have a scale (1/10th scale?) of the Nautilaus from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. I also think Mr. Grabby would be another good name. ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/28 "2003-05-13T19:22:41Z")
I think **Squidward** is an awesome name for him! (I am surprised no one else came up with it yet!) O ---
**Author:** ![Sorcy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Sorcy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sorcy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/29 "2003-05-13T21:07:57Z")
You might want to think putting Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid through squid school. Not only does it teach him correct behaviour (otherwise the little critters are just always trying to get away when you walk them) but it will also keep him entertained and healthy. There are some pretty good giant squid schools out there, just try to keep away from the more shadier ones. I’ve heard whales frequent those on the lookout for fights. Might want to keep your eyes on any suspicious large men with undersized trenchcoats that hang around the playground. We wouldn’t little Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid get heard in a playground fight, now would we? ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/30 "2003-05-13T21:28:59Z")
I really think the squid would be better suited with the bio-gun, a.k.a. the green goop gun, a.k.a the booger gun. Something about radioactive puddles of green ooze just make squids so much better. ---
**Author:** ![NardoPolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NardoPolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NardoPolo)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/31 "2003-05-14T01:30:33Z")
> [@](#): > > You might want to think about putting \*\*Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid \*\*through squid school. Yes, I highly recommend it. The local squid obedience school taught mine how to “fetch”, “heel”, “play dead”, and “roll over” (very handy when you have small living quarters). But then they said they’d teach him how to “shake hands”. That was 3 months ago, and I haven’t heard back from them since. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/32 "2003-05-14T10:21:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spiff \* > \*\*Until then, could you please post some still pictures of **Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid** so we could all see how cute he is? (Not that we don’t take your word for it! 😃 ) \*\* [Ask and ye shall receive!](http://minefujiko_1.tripod.com/mongoika.htm) On a bummer note, my neighbors the Goatses (not their real name) were snooping around on the day Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid was airlifted in. Mrs. Goatse is a painted shrew. When she isn’t pestering me about when I’m going to get married, she’s always finding excuses to ring my doorbell and peek into my house. Anyway, I guess she must have gnawed her pudding-jawed husband into submission because I found out he bought her six – that’s right, SIX – _Humbolt squids_! I HATE those things! They’re like rats in squid suits, all nerves and yippy voices. Worse yet, I don’t think she really cares about them. She’s sure as hell not keeping them leashed. I came home to a big puddle of ink all over my porch. :mad: This does NOT bode well. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/33 "2003-05-14T10:35:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sorcy \* > \*\*You might want to think putting Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid through squid school. > > Not only does it teach him correct behaviour (otherwise the little critters are just always trying to get away when you walk them) but it will also keep him entertained and healthy. There are some pretty good giant squid schools out there, just try to keep away from the more shadier ones. I’ve heard whales frequent those on the lookout for fights. > > Might want to keep your eyes on any suspicious large men with undersized trenchcoats that hang around the playground. We wouldn’t little Captain Dr. Admiral Ackbar Ambergris Zoidberg DreadCthulhu el Spermie de Tentacles von Squiddie McSquid get heard in a playground fight, now would we? \*\* Thanks, **Sorcy**. We’ve already had “The Talk.” It took a while ('cos I had to repeatedly paint my body different colors to get the nuances across to him), but I’m pretty confident that he now knows there is nothing wrong with _self-defense_. Next discussion: “Good Touch” vs. “Bad Touch.” > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by NardoPolo_ > The local squid obedience school taught mine how to “fetch”, “heel”, “play dead”, and “roll over” (very handy when you have small living quarters). > > But then they said they’d teach him how to “shake hands”. That was 3 months ago, and I haven’t heard back from them since. Hope you checked your squid’s stools for irregularities… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/34 "2003-05-14T14:04:35Z")
Some have suggested that you get another so that he won’t be lonely but you don’t have to get another squid. You can get any other animal and you would be surprised how well they get along. That reminds me of one of my favorite books from childhood _Sally and Slappy_ about a budgie and an octopus who were best friends. They had many adventures _Sally and Slappy go to the Park, Sally and Slappy go to the Store, Sally and Slappy and the Holy Grail, (and my favorite) Sally and Slappy go to the Playboy Mansion_ (out of print) Boy did those two taught me much about friendship and acceptance. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/35 "2003-05-14T15:20:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Oicu812 \* > \*\*I think **Squidward** is an awesome name for him! (I am surprised no one else came up with it yet!) > > O \*\* Dang, you beat me to it! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/36 "2003-05-14T15:42:03Z")
How about “Sklooorrrrck” as a name? Its the sound that it makes when you hug it too hard and the poop comes out… ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/37 "2003-05-14T18:51:27Z")
I’m surprised that no one’s mentioned it – make sure to get your squid chipped! It’s a relatively quick and painless procedure, where a small electronic chip is implanted under the skin. That way, if your squid gets out, and ends up at the ASPCA, they’ll scan your pet and know it’s owned by someone, and not just a stray giant squid loose in the streets. The chip ID can be looked up in their database to get your name and phone number. Chipping can also help to prove he’s your pet. Imagine the agony of having your giant squid go missing, and a day later seeing some kid walking down the street with it on a leash, and not being able to _prove_ that he’s yours? If he’s like other squid, be careful if he embraces you with his tentacles and the tentacles turn bright red. That means he’s getting ready to stab you with one of the tentacles and leave a sperm packet inside. This sort of thing has taken a lot of inexperienced squid owners by (fatal) surprise. Also, for clarity and correctness: A squid has eight arms plus two tentacles. Just as kittens like to play with string, a giant squid likes to play, too. Try dangling some 6" thick galvanized steel cable into the tank and watch him go wild. Remember, make the cable dance and shimmy as if it were alive – it’s all in the wrist. Some squid toys are available commercially, like lifelike mannequins in diving helmets filled with squidnip. These will help keep your pet squid from getting bored. Make sure to get a sturdy one, as your giant squid will be disappointed if the limbs and head tear off right away. Inking can be a problem, and it’s something you have to deal with carefully. Inking is a behaviour engaged in by frightened squid. Contrary to what some squid owners think, punishing your squid for inking will only make it worse. Approach your squid slowly and obliquely. The last thing you want to do is appear intimidating. But make sure to wear washable clothes when you start, because you’re bound to have a few failures. Remember, your pet is in a new, scary environment, and you may appear intimidating, even if you’re only 1/10th the size of your pet. Another piece of advice probably doesn’t apply to you, but you’d be amazed how many people just go out and buy a giant squid with no thought to having a proper enclosure. Giant squid are creatures of the deep – they can’t survive at the water’s surface, and once on the surface, their bouyancy control is shot, and they can no longer submerge. A giant squid without an enclosure at _least_ 1000 feet deep (preferrably three times that) will quickly become a dead pet, as those who whimsically pick up a giant squid at their county fair quickly find out. (An alternative is a pressurized tank; these tend to be fairly expensive and beyond the means of the usual owner, but anyone can dig a 1000’ hole in their backyard with sufficient motivation) And folks, before you go _buy_ a squid, please check the local humane society. Often times there will be giant squids, just as loveable and cute as any in the store, and not only are they cheaper but you’ll be doing a good deed and giving a lonely cephalopod a new home. ---
**Author:** ![Peg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Peg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peg)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/38 "2003-05-14T20:58:00Z")
Bob Barker says: Don’t forget to spay or neuter your pets! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/39 "2003-05-14T21:30:09Z")
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … **Sengkelat** rocks. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … And so do the rest of you. I wish I were 1/100th as clever. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287/40 "2003-05-14T23:14:46Z")
😃 I’m glad my advice is helpful to you, **MineFujiko**. Squid are near and dear to me, since my first job (I swear this is true) was as a squid wrangler. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-pet-please-tell-me-what-to-expect/174287.md?page=1)