# New proverbs to live by. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2004, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151 "2004-01-12T09:17:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![zzzWHATWHATzzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/bc79bd/32.png) [@zzzWHATWHATzzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zzzWHATWHATzzz)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/1 "2004-01-12T09:17:33Z")
Let’s make up new proverbs to get us through life. Those old ones are getting old.( I heard one of them got senile!) It takes two hands to clap, but only one to slap : Someone may be sabotaging you. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush, the white thing on your palm is not : Things may not be as good as you think they are ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/2 "2004-01-12T09:21:26Z")
Four televisions doesn’t result in a well oiled wallpaper. ---
**Author:** ![Marks\_1st\_wife](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Marks\_1st\_wife](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marks_1st_wife)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/3 "2004-01-12T09:26:04Z")
If you find a good pot of coffee, drink it. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/4 "2004-01-12T09:26:31Z")
Juggling ginsu knives is hard. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/5 "2004-01-12T09:27:47Z")
Do not use chainsaws to get bits of food out of your teeth. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/6 "2004-01-12T09:29:59Z")
The early worm gets caught by the bird. ---
**Author:** ![yo\_han\_go](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yo_han_go/32/130_2.png) [@yo\_han\_go](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yo_han_go)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/7 "2004-01-12T11:10:25Z")
It is easy to slap the jellyfish with someone other’s d\*ck. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/8 "2004-01-12T13:40:51Z")
You could stand on your dick for an hour, if you had to.\* \*Overheard conversation between two ROTCs. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/9 "2004-01-12T15:01:56Z")
You can lead an idiot to water, but you can’t make him think. Love is a many-squandered thing. You can’t book a judge without a coverup. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/10 "2004-01-12T15:11:00Z")
Do not love thy neighbor as you would love thyself, as that can get you in a lot of trouble with the law. Particularly if said neighbor is underage. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/11 "2004-01-12T15:22:02Z")
“Keep your nose clean, and don’t sneeze on the wrong person!” “It’s easier to mind your own business, and manners in most cases, except when you must take action to help right a wrong being done.” “Always remember, other people have feelings, and schedules to keep, just like you do.” “Keep in mind, you are no better than anyone else, but they are also no better than you are. You are each capable of mistakes, and not resisting temptations. Don’t hold grudges over petty things.” ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/12 "2004-01-12T15:31:51Z")
“It takes a lot of homing to make a pigeon toed.” “I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no pink flamingo in his front yard.” ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/13 "2004-01-12T15:32:01Z")
If you must carry grudges, put 'em in Zip files first. ---
**Author:** ![liirogue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dbc845/32.png) [@liirogue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liirogue)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/14 "2004-01-13T02:41:07Z")
This is actually a Russian proverb, but it fits in well here with what others have written: The church is near but the road is icy. The bar is far but I will walk carefully. ---
**Author:** ![auntnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@auntnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntnut)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2004, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/15 "2004-01-13T03:01:36Z")
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away… and you have their shoes! ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2004, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/16 "2004-01-13T03:06:57Z")
One to forever grace message boards… Don’t feed the trolls. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2004, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/17 "2004-01-13T04:56:05Z")
A boob in the hand is worth two in the blouse. Really apropos to my situation right now: Never look inside the walls of an old house. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/18 "2004-01-13T21:39:00Z")
Moderation in all things, including moderation. ---
**Author:** ![auntnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@auntnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntnut)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2004, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/19 "2004-01-15T16:41:46Z")
I guess surrealism’s not your cup of tuna. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151/20 "2004-01-15T17:28:35Z")
One I made up and have actually used: “Just because it comes from a preacher’s mouth doesn’t mean it’s gospel.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-proverbs-to-live-by/224151.md?page=2)