# New Rapture Date has been set: April 5, 2004. Massive Doper Bacchanal Schd. April 6. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2004, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931 "2004-02-07T01:42:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2004, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/41 "2004-02-08T06:09:58Z")
> [@Ale](#): > > Well, so bad the Concorde is no longer available, it would make a nice travel package: “Get raptured, TWICE!!” I thought it was Virgin that had the reclining, mostly private seats? [SIZE=1]Well, some of us have a different understanding of “rapture.” ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2004, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/42 "2004-02-08T06:19:19Z")
> [@vanilla](#): > > A Monday?! > > Since its right before Easter, I will bring hollow chocolate bunnies. What about the Peeps? We can’t have a post-Rapture Bacchanal without Peeps! ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2004, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/43 "2004-02-08T06:52:16Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Quoth Mark Knopfler: > > “Two men say they’re Jesus. One of them must be wrong.” Sounds like a Thunderdome moment to me. Two Jesus enter, one Jesus leave. Two Jesus enter, one Jesus leave. Two Jesus enter, one Jesus leave. Two Jesus enter, one Jesus leave. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2004, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/44 "2004-02-08T07:11:22Z")
The one who can’t swim is the real one. ---
**Author:** ![Iacob\_Matthew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Iacob\_Matthew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iacob_Matthew)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/45 "2004-02-08T19:22:19Z")
> [@Steve Wright](#): > > I’m Jesus. And so’s my wife. Thou art God, but who isn’t? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/46 "2004-02-09T00:03:24Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > What about the Peeps? We can’t have a post-Rapture Bacchanal without Peeps! Oh, you’ve _gotta_ let me bring the Peeps. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/47 "2004-02-09T00:13:24Z")
I don’t know how much clearer I can make it! I’ll walk y’all through my logic one more time. 1. We know the rapture will happen on April 5, 2004. 2. The Rapture happens BEFORE Jesus returns. 3. My 33rd birthday will be April 6, 2004, the day AFTER the Rapture. 4. Jesus was 33 years old when He died. 5. Therefore, I am Jesus. QED. All you other fake Jesii are going to be crawling to me on April 6, pleading with me to turn some water into wine for the big party while I’m out cavorting with the sinners and preparing to lead the good guys in the final battle between good and evil. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/48 "2004-02-09T00:51:38Z")
Awesome! My birthday is on April 5. That means I can watch all the 'thumpers fly off into space while drunk and stoned. I bet I’ll say, “heh, that’s cool, man.” And shortly thereafter, I’ll be able to welcome firsthand the brief period when social conservatism is at a low ebb, when healthcare is available to all, and the population is significantly denuded of mindless idiots long enough for real achievements to be made in science and government. I’ll wake up smiling, and wave those assholes goodbye all day long. Of course, I’ll also be a little saddened when I wake up hung over the following day and find those pricks are still here. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/49 "2004-02-09T00:57:37Z")
[raises hand] Does this mean I won’t have to file a tax return this year? And how will this affect this spring’s NFL Draft Weekend? [/rh] ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/50 "2004-02-09T01:06:48Z")
> [@](#): > > **Iacob\_Matthew** : Thou art God, but who isn’t? I grok that in its fullness, water brother. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/51 "2004-02-09T14:37:28Z")
**Fake Jesii**.Now that’s a Band Name. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/52 "2004-02-09T14:44:18Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > I’ll bring the blowup sex dolls filled with helium. That’s very thoughtful of you, as it means that those raptured will be able to have a last bonk as they ascend into the clouds. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/53 "2004-02-09T15:12:35Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > > [@Jenaroph](#): > > > > I’ll bring the blowup sex dolls filled with helium. > > That’s very thoughtful of you, as it means that those raptured will be able to have a last bonk as they ascend into the clouds. Unless the Muslims are right, and there are 72 uninflated sex dolls awaiting the faithful. April 5 is the start of Passover. My scenario: > [@](#): > > “Why is this night different from every other night?” > > “You wanna see different? **This** is different!” _\_ Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/54 "2004-02-09T21:23:20Z")
> [@Persephone](#): > > Oh, you’ve _gotta_ let me bring the Peeps. Okay with me, but being a color traditionalist, I request that you only bring the glowing yellow and the pulsating pink ones–those new colors are an affront on the senses. Peeps being taken care of, I say our Post-Rapture Bacchanal needs a traditional, albeit early, Maypole. For this we need a long pole, lots of gaily colored ribbons and a bunch of naked people to dance around the pole, gleefully singing and willing to do whatever it takes to ensure fertility (of all types) in the coming year. The various [bJesii\*\* are especially welcome to participate. \*Oh, gimme that old-time religion . . . \* ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/55 "2004-02-09T23:08:52Z")
Let us eat and drink, for, oooh, in about a couple of months, we die! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Green\_Feather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e7dd6/32.png) [@The\_Green\_Feather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Green_Feather)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2004, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/56 "2004-02-09T23:45:27Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Quoth Mark Knopfler: > > “Two men say they’re Jesus. One of them must be wrong.” Beyond Trinity, The Father, The Son, The Other Son, and The Holy Spirit. Behold, **The God Quad** TM ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/57 "2004-02-10T06:53:48Z")
Well, since there’ll be almost no one to work or shop at Wal-Mart, we can just pick up all the supplies there. FTR i’m all for the peeps, but a party just aint a party without the krispy kremes. ---
**Author:** ![Andros\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Andros\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andros_X)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/58 "2004-02-10T07:26:44Z")
> [@vibrotronica](#): > > I don’t know how much clearer I can make it! I’ll walk y’all through my logic one more time. > > 1. We know the rapture will happen on April 5, 2004. > 2. The Rapture happens BEFORE Jesus returns. > 3. My 33rd birthday will be April 6, 2004, the day AFTER the Rapture. > 4. Jesus was 33 years old when He died. > 5. Therefore, I am Jesus. QED. Ah, yes…post hoc, ergo propter hoc. Nice try, though. Try again next millenium for a chance to win… **this brand new car!** ---
**Author:** ![Andros\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Andros\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andros_X)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/59 "2004-02-10T07:28:55Z")
Oh, I forgot…I’ll bring some fried chicken for the bacchanal. Everyone OK with Extra Crispy? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/60 "2004-02-10T21:48:36Z")
Since the Apocolypse is the on the night of a Passover seder, I’ll bring wine from Israel, whole-wheat matza, Romaine lettuce hearts, and haroset balls. Plus matza-meal pie. We’ll feast like there’s no tomorrow! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931.md?page=4)