# New Rapture Date has been set: April 5, 2004. Massive Doper Bacchanal Schd. April 6. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2004, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931 "2004-02-07T01:42:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/61 "2004-02-10T21:56:19Z")
> [@Andros\_X](#): > > Ah, yes…post hoc, ergo propter hoc. Nice try, though. Try again next millenium for a chance to win… **this brand new car!** Just to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am Jesus, I’ll forgive you for that. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/62 "2004-02-10T22:36:24Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > Zephaniah 1:7: > > This Bible passage fucking SCREAMS April 5, 2004. > > This guy is **good**. Nachos in sheep dip, he’s right! In that passage there are 32 words, 113 letters. 32 or 3+2 = 5, which is the number of letters in both April and Nisan, the name of the concurrent Hebrew month. It’s also the day of the month in April, and (don’t get ahead of me) the number of letters, 113 is 14 displayed as 1+13, and the date in Nisan is the 14th. Now, the year is 2004 and if you add 113 and 32 you get 145, (also repeating the date in both calendars!) and 1 x 4 x 5 = 20, or the first 2 dates of the year, Gregorian. 1 x 1+ 3 = 4, or 04, the last 2 dates in the year, completing 5 April 2004. The Hebrew year is 5764. Looking back at the 32 words we take the number 32 again. 3 + 2 =5, 32 = 2 x 16, and 1+ 6 =7, and 64 = 11 - 3, 8 x 3 of 2, or 2 cubed, or 8. Therefore the Hebrew calendar is also complete at 14 Nisan 5764. It’s so _simple_! Excuse me. I think I need to lie down for a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/63 "2004-02-10T22:57:15Z")
Are you sure it isn’t Toyota? :ducks and runs: ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/64 "2004-02-11T01:39:03Z")
> [@Andros\_X](#): > > Oh, I forgot…I’ll bring some fried chicken for the bacchanal. Everyone OK with Extra Crispy? 😃 KFC, right? It’s better for your health than Whoppers, you know! ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/65 "2004-04-05T15:35:10Z")
So should I be cowering under my desk, or going out to stock up on party supplies? ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/66 "2004-04-05T15:38:22Z")
Hmmph, it’s April 5 and the fundies are still here. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/67 "2004-04-05T15:54:51Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > **Fake Jesii**.Now that’s a Band Name. Maybe, but I prefer **Solid Chocolate Rapture Bunnies**. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/68 "2004-04-05T15:55:08Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Hmmph, it’s April 5 and the fundies are still here. The day’s still youn ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/69 "2004-04-05T16:04:11Z")
Soooooo, did the rapture happen yet? I wake up late this morning. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/70 "2004-04-05T16:09:35Z")
> [@](#): > > For starters, money will be worthless, there will be no election this November and sports contests may be over! But I thought our Lord told Pat Robertson that there **would** be an election, and that Bush will win in a landslide! I can only conclude that, by the close of business today, one or the other will not have ascended to the Clouds of Glory[sup]TM[/sup], and we can tell from that which one is a false prophet. _Turns on the 700 Club_ Uh oh… Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/71 "2004-04-05T16:16:31Z")
Doo de doo de doo… :looks at watch: So…when’s this _rapture_ supposed to happen? Because, like, I’m pretty sure the guy next door is gonna float, and I plan to grab his Mercedes when he does. dum de dum dum dum… This “waiting for salvation” shit’s pretty dull. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/72 "2004-04-05T16:51:14Z")
What _I_ want to know is, when Jesus come back, will he bring pie? Ouch! Stop hitting me! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/73 "2004-04-05T17:17:43Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > What _I_ want to know is, when Jesus come back, will he bring pie? The faithless rabble gets pie. True Believers get Red Velvet Cake™. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/74 "2004-04-05T17:18:16Z")
Hey! This explains why half of my 1st Period class was missing this morning! (Checks roll sheet) These students? Never mind… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/75 "2004-04-05T17:23:11Z")
The Rapture just happened. Nobody noticed because nobody qualified. ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/76 "2004-04-05T17:24:42Z")
> [@SPOOFE](#): > > I’ll bring the virgins to deflower, and lotsa booze. > > And chips. Are you sure that we have some of those left? The virgins…not the chips. ~J ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/77 "2004-04-05T17:28:04Z")
> [@drewbert](#): > > Maybe, but I prefer **Solid Chocolate Rapture Bunnies**. Hollow Chocolate Tombs ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/78 "2004-04-05T18:21:47Z")
> [@Steelerphan](#): > > The Rapture just happened. Nobody noticed because nobody qualified. I think it was **RTFirefly** who goes around claiming that the Rapture happened about thirty years back, but the only one taken was Jimmy Hoffa. Which would mean that God is a Mafia _capo_. Who arranged a hit on His own Son. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/79 "2004-04-05T18:22:39Z")
Yeah! It’s the last day of the world ! [White Chocolate Jesus filled with Liquid Cherry Center](http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/White_20Chocolate_20Jesus_20with_20Liquid_20Cherry_20Center) are what I will bring to the clambake. Heee. That’s if they don’t melt in the Rapture. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931/80 "2004-04-05T18:27:57Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > The faithless rabble gets pie. > > True Believers get Red Velvet Cake™. Fucking heretics. May you burn for eternity in a lake of flaming cream cheese frosting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-rapture-date-has-been-set-april-5-2004-massive-doper-bacchanal-schd-april-6/227931.md?page=5)