# New relationship/really scared! (really, REALLY, long, and ranty) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 21, 2009, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719 "2009-07-21T05:29:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/41 "2009-07-22T16:39:23Z")
Funny, I don’t remember logging in as **zweisamkeit** and posting that! ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/42 "2009-07-22T18:20:00Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Yep, it definitely is. > > And because I think I know how you feel about hanging out with people, tell me if this is at all accurate: > > Friends or acquaintances might ask if you want to hang out. If you’re in a good mood, cool. If you’re feeling depressed, you might say yes, but then dread actually doing the hanging out. You feel like you’d rather just sit home alone instead of having to deal with people, even though it’s people you like. > > Then, if you _do_ make yourself go, you usually end up having a good time and wonder why you always feel like, “oh, forget it, I’d rather stay home”, but know that you always will still feel that. And then, on top of that, you’ll also really miss your friends/acquaintances… even though you always feel like you’d rather stay home instead of hanging out. :smack: This is very very close except for the second paragraph. What usually happens with me is that I will hang out with people and just take over the crowd. I am a very hyper bouncing-off-the-walls kind of person. At heart I am a performer, so I will say stories make off-hand comments and be all around crazy, making everyone I am with laugh and entertaining them. I don’t technically _mean_ to do it, it just comes out of me. Also (and this will come at no surprise to the people who have read this whole thread) if I am constantly talking and making noise, then it temporarily quiets the constant engine that is my mind. Basically talking drowns out my thoughts, my constant never-ending thoughts. It’s when I leave the crowd that I change. I hate what I did that night. I hate that I never shutted up, that I was always making noise, and I would give anything to re-do the night and stop. It happens pretty much every time. I thoroughly convince myself that the group did not benefit from me being there and they just make fun of me when I am not there; even though I know this very very likely isn’t the case. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/43 "2009-07-22T18:25:01Z")
Hmm. Can you quiet your mind long enough to read [this](http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577311523)? ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/44 "2009-07-22T19:00:34Z")
I haven’t been given that, so I don’t know what it’s like but I have been given numerous self help books before by friends/people who care and they haven’t helped. The problem with them seem to be that no matter what they suggest I do, and no matter how many times I try them, they all seem to fail because in the end I talk myself out of them not working. You want me to write in a notebook the things today that made somebody I don’t know like me? Makes sense, but once I try and do it I end up saying “Whatever. What does this prove? I don’t care that other people like me for the time being, they don’t know _me_”. And it just fails. Although I will look into this one. I take to heart the psychological insights and advice that you **tdn** , **crazycatlady** (ironic given the name, no?) and others have given me more than the other people who’ve suggested things. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/45 "2009-07-22T19:18:48Z")
Self help books are a funny thing. 90% of them are total garbage, but a few stand out as real gems. That particular one is recommended by a lot of people whom I really respect and trust. And it’s not woo woo new agey, it’s very old stuff cast in a new light. I think you could really benefit from it. I have. In the end though, you have to learn to trust. Trust yourself, trust the world around you, trust the future. Trust the present. I think you have a bit of a grasp on what you need to do, you just need to do it. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/46 "2009-07-22T20:16:25Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > This is very very close except for the second paragraph. > > What usually happens with me is that I will hang out with people and just take over the crowd. I am a very hyper bouncing-off-the-walls kind of person. At heart I am a performer, so I will say stories make off-hand comments and be all around crazy, making everyone I am with laugh and entertaining them. I don’t technically _mean_ to do it, it just comes out of me. Also (and this will come at no surprise to the people who have read this whole thread) if I am constantly talking and making noise, then it temporarily quiets the constant engine that is my mind. Basically talking drowns out my thoughts, my constant never-ending thoughts. > > It’s when I leave the crowd that I change. I hate what I did that night. I hate that I never shutted up, that I was always making noise, and I would give anything to re-do the night and stop. It happens pretty much every time. I thoroughly convince myself that the group did not benefit from me being there and they just make fun of me when I am not there; even though I know this very very likely isn’t the case. Okay, I understand that EXTREMELY WELL, because when I was worse off, depression-wise, I acted exactly like that! The good news for you is that it’s not hopeless, using me as an example: I found a man who loves me for who I am and has helped me not only feel better about myself, but has honestly helped me make my own changes that I wanted to do. I thought I’d never go out with anyone, blahblah. And here I am, engaged and have become less depressed, more able to roll with life’s punches, etc. A big part of it was making an effort towards doing things, like I’ve mentioned. Also, realize that the paranoia (for lack of a better word) that everyone’s secretly laughing at you when you’re not there is not real. Think of it this way: do you laugh at the others you hang out with when they’re not there? No? Then I’m pretty darn sure they aren’t, either. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/47 "2009-07-22T20:34:39Z")
[mistake] ---
**Author:** ![Other\_Dreams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Other\_Dreams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Other_Dreams)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/48 "2009-07-22T20:36:28Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > it’s like everybody has a well inside them that stores their emotional resources… A wonderful analogy! Five stars; Bravo! [I keep accidentally posting on my friend’s account, hence the ‘mistake’ post above. Sorry!] ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719/49 "2009-07-22T20:42:50Z")
> [@Other\_Dreams](#): > > A wonderful analogy! Five stars; Bravo! Yeah, that was awesome. Thanks CCL! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-relationship-really-scared-really-really-long-and-ranty/503719.md?page=2)