# New Super Soaker shoots semen all over children **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 10, 2006, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201 "2006-05-10T07:48:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/41 "2006-05-10T21:00:33Z")
Bugsy Malone, anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/42 "2006-05-10T21:54:35Z")
[QUOTE=Thudlow Boink] And you would know this… how? [/QUOTE] Well, back in college he majored in animal husbandry … until they caught him at it one day. – Tom Lehrer ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/43 "2006-05-10T22:09:18Z")
Oh, that’s _good_. Comedy gold - all the more golden because it’s real. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/44 "2006-05-10T22:10:19Z")
[QUOTE=GorillaMan] Bugsy Malone, anyone? [/QUOTE] Only if it can be converted to shoot creampuffs. ---
**Author:** ![Daffyd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daffyd/32/8923_2.png) [@Daffyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daffyd)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/45 "2006-05-10T22:58:34Z")
In MY day, we had to shoot semen manually from our Super Soakers… We didn’t have any of those new-fangled Super Soaker machines… Then again, we also knew that OUR Super Soakers were NOT to be used around children… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/46 "2006-05-11T00:14:58Z")
[With musical accompaniment](http://wonderful-oozinator.ytmnd.com/) ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/47 "2006-05-11T00:58:07Z")
I noticed something. In the commercial, you have shots of kids shooting the ooze, and kids being hit by the ooze. The implication is clearly that some kids are shooting ooze at other kids. But nowhere do you see a shot of one kid shooting ooze onto another. Make of that what you will. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/48 "2006-05-11T01:22:54Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > In the commercial, you have shots of kids shooting the ooze, and kids being hit by the ooze. The implication is clearly that some kids are shooting ooze at other kids. But nowhere do you see a shot of one kid shooting ooze onto another. > > Make of that what you will. I find it rather more worrisome that the kid firing the ooze gun looks like he’s slightly older and taller than any of the victims. Yet when the commercial cuts away to the scenes of kids getting shot from offscreen, the ooze appears to be spurting on them from a _peculiarly low angle._ I wonder if the kid in the commercial with the smaller, non-ooze-spurting super soaker feels inadequate at all. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/49 "2006-05-11T02:04:14Z")
Am I the only one who isn’t shocked or disturbed at all by this video? My main thoughts were : 1) this mega-gun is ugly looking. Why so much kids like ugly stuff? 2) Can the ooze be easily washed away from clothes? OK. I can see how it can be construed as looking as something sexual. But do we really need to go out of our way to dig for sexual innuendo? ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/50 "2006-05-11T02:12:04Z")
[QUOTE=clairobscur] Am I the only one who isn’t shocked or disturbed at all by this video? My main thoughts were : 1) this mega-gun is ugly looking. Why so much kids like ugly stuff? 2) Can the ooze be easily washed away from clothes? OK. I can see how it can be construed as looking as something sexual. But do we really need to go out of our way to dig for sexual innuendo? [/QUOTE] Digging for sexual innuendo? The yellow shirt kid is massaging it into his chest like a porn star rubbing in a pearl necklace. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/51 "2006-05-11T02:14:51Z")
Heh. That commercial’s too much. All it needs is a tag line at the end that says: **“JOIN NAMBLA!”** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mrs\_Johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_Johnson)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/52 "2006-05-11T02:35:04Z")
Wow… I can see that being used by school boys to humiliate their peers. _Scenario:_ Boy is standing around talking to a girl… Girl looks away for a second… Another boy shoots “ooze” at his crotch… Girl looks back and sees it! :eek: I think they need to leave toy creation up to more innocent minds… or just use ANY other color! ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mrs\_Johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_Johnson)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/53 "2006-05-11T02:47:48Z")
I couldn’t get the the “Relax” version to work before making my first post, but now I’ve been laughing so hard at that my abs hurt. Can you imagine what yellow-shirt’s parents would think if they see that video!? :smack: Don’t know if this has been pointed out yet… the “Get Low” version… [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LXC7qZ_iWgM/hqdefault.jpg "Major Pumping Required") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXC7qZ_iWgM) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/54 "2006-05-11T04:35:56Z")
:eek: I’ll never be able to listen to that song again without thinking of this… Why oh _why_ didn’t they make the ooze green or blue? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/55 "2006-05-11T05:00:57Z")
[QUOTE=clairobscur] OK. I can see how it can be construed as looking as something sexual. But do we really need to go out of our way to dig for sexual innuendo? [/QUOTE] We dug for this in the same way explorers dug for Mt. Kilimanjaro. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/56 "2006-05-11T05:31:20Z")
[QUOTE=Team of Scientists] Look at [Amazon’s page.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000BXJ0L6/104-6911747-8900735?v=glance) . > [@amazon.com](#): > > So You’d Like To… > > - Buy a birthday gift for my mom [/QUOTE] Ahhhh. MILSS.\* \*Mothers I’d Like to Super Soak ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/57 "2006-05-11T06:27:36Z")
Is it just me, or did this look like the perfect gun to protect one of [these](http://www.alienware.com/Configurator_Pages/aurora_5500_r2.aspx?SysCode=PC-AURORA-5500-R2&SubCode=SKU-DEFAULT) ? ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/58 "2006-05-11T07:16:01Z")
So, we’ve got the H.R. Geiger designed Cream Cannon, Jizz Lobber, Bukkake Blaster, Spooge Shooter. For kids. Nice. You know, I remember buying a nice bucket o’ snot when I was eleven years old. It was called “Slime.” People found me odd because I used it as a “Blob” monster to devour my legions of plastic army men. Good times. \ BTW, **Homebrew** , the FGTH version was particularly disturbing. And hilarious. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/59 "2006-05-11T14:46:38Z")
The “Relax” version is perhaps the funniest thing I’ve seen in the last year. I am in pain right now from laughing so hard. Dear lord. As to those who think we’re digging for innuendo: When I saw the first link I thought it had to be a joke. No one would be that stupid. The fact the the goo-splashes don’t have the gun in them is particularly disturbing. With white goo, it’s revolting. Again: why didn’t they color it? Absolutely hysterical…and I think that it won’t last long: all it will take is parents seeing their children covered in ‘bio-goo’ to take the gun away and break it into a million pieces. Would you like an image of YOUR young child covered in this stuff? I sure wouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201/60 "2006-05-11T15:19:18Z")
[QUOTE=Jman] Would you like an image of YOUR young child covered in this stuff? [/QUOTE] I don’t currently have a young child, but if you’ll provide me with yours, I’ll try it and see. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-super-soaker-shoots-semen-all-over-children/356201.md?page=4)