# New twist from Nigeria (or should that be from the USMC? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 25, 2006, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039 "2006-06-25T01:47:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/1 "2006-06-25T01:47:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Dear Friend, > I am Captain Brian James of the US Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace –keeping mission in Baghdad-Iraq. > On the 19th day of June 2006, we were alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in a suburb not too far from Karbala here in Iraq. After Immediate intervention, we captured three (3) of the Terrorists, twenty-six (26) were killed leaving seven (7) injured. > > In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for late Ayman al-Zawahiri and took us to a cave in Karbala which served as their camp. Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including some boxes among which two contains nuclear weapons, one filled with hard drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars amounting to $7.2M after I and two of my junior intelligent officers counted them. I however instructed them to keep this in high secrecy. > > I am in keen need of a “Reliable and Trustworthy” person like you who would receive, secure and protect these boxes containing the US Dollars for me up on till my assignment elapses in here in Iraq. I assure and promise to give you 18% of this fund, however feel free to negotiate what you wish to have as your percentage in this business.. > > Please assure me of your keeping this topmost secret to protect my job with the US Monitoring and Peace-Keeping mission. Contact me through my personal email [capt\_bjames@myway.com](mailto:capt_bjames@myway.com) > > Sincere regards, > Capt.Brian James. I like the fact they found nuclear weapons. Because, if you’re trying to fool people by pretending to be a member of the USMC in Iraq, it helps to casually mention that the insurgents have nuclear weapons. Adds that touch of authenticity. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/2 "2006-06-25T01:53:58Z")
I think this is a trick. I think instead of the boxes of money, he’s going to send you the boxes of nuclear weapons. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/3 "2006-06-25T02:06:36Z")
Open the box! Take the money! ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/4 "2006-06-25T02:10:18Z")
Deal? Or no deal? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/5 "2006-06-25T02:14:43Z")
Did he also instruct his junior officers to keep quiet about the cocaine and the nuclear weapons? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/6 "2006-06-25T02:15:29Z")
I love the placement of the “to my amazement” part… “Let’s see, the Hajis had two live nukes…dum dee dum…a steamer trunk full o’ cocaine, and…whoa, holy _shit!_ Look at all this _cash!_ I mean, the H-Bombs I could understand, but this _money_, just—my _GOD!_” ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/7 "2006-06-25T02:28:52Z")
[QUOTE=Frank] I think this is a trick. I think instead of the boxes of money, he’s going to send you the boxes of nuclear weapons. [/QUOTE] Well, that might not be so bad. I mean, _nuclear weapons_. They’ve gotta be worth a fair bit, eh? Think I should go for it? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/8 "2006-06-25T02:31:15Z")
[QUOTE=Princhester] Well, that might not be so bad. I mean, _nuclear weapons_. They’ve gotta be worth a fair bit, eh? Think I should go for it? [/QUOTE] Ebay…all the way ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/9 "2006-06-25T02:35:55Z")
How much of a cut do his junior intelligent officers want? I don’t expect it’s a lot. I hear they’re not too bright. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/10 "2006-06-25T04:07:19Z")
So there were WMDs… I knew it!! Cheney and the neocons were right all along!! ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/11 "2006-06-25T04:52:41Z")
What, no-one else finds the casual mention of torture noteworthy? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/12 "2006-06-25T04:55:06Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] What, no-one else finds the casual mention of torture noteworthy? [/QUOTE] Not anymore… ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/13 "2006-06-25T05:07:44Z")
Obviously bogus. Now, if it had said “nucular weapons” . . . ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/14 "2006-06-25T05:39:50Z")
You ought to foward that to the government (the white house, the actual Marine Corps, etc.)- they may enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/15 "2006-06-25T08:24:01Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] What, no-one else finds the casual mention of torture noteworthy? [/QUOTE] Since it resulted in the _capture of terrorist-held nuclear weapons_\*, I figure it gets a “pass” this time. 😉 \*Albeit imaginary ones. But since the terrorists were imaginary, too, I guess it all evens out. Hey, I’m torturing an imaginary terrorist _right now!_ And I’m setting fire to his house after locking his cats inside, too! ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/16 "2006-06-25T08:32:03Z")
Demand an even 50/50 split! ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/17 "2006-06-25T09:25:20Z")
I think we should hook him up w/ those Miami “terrorists”, let ‘em sort it out, maybe give the feebees something to do. Then again, maybe sending him Rove’s email addy would be a better idea, he’s always lookin’ for campaign contributions. ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/18 "2006-06-25T15:20:11Z")
[QUOTE=Ranchoth] Since it resulted in the _capture of terrorist-held nuclear weapons_\*, I figure it gets a “pass” this time. 😉 \*Albeit imaginary ones. But since the terrorists were imaginary, too, I guess it all evens out. Hey, I’m torturing an imaginary terrorist _right now!_ And I’m setting fire to his house after locking his cats inside, too! [/QUOTE] Cats? You heartless monster!!! I am sending imaginary cruise missiles to destroy you and all your loved ones even as I type this! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/19 "2006-06-25T17:29:18Z")
Also, he meant Zarqawi, not Zawahiri. Zawahiri’s still very much alive, more’s the pity, and has never been in Iraq. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039/20 "2006-06-25T17:40:57Z")
[QUOTE=Mangetout] Open the box! Take the money! [/QUOTE] Leave the cannolis. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-twist-from-nigeria-or-should-that-be-from-the-usmc/362039.md?page=2)