# New Uses for Dick Cheney

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-uses-for-dick-cheney/498787>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [June 5, 2009, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-uses-for-dick-cheney/498787 "2009-06-05T05:49:36Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\
**Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-uses-for-dick-cheney/498787/61 "2009-06-09T00:04:51Z")

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> [@Tranquilis](#):
>
> Border Patrol guard… We already know he can shoot.
> 
> [obscure reference] Actor for the live-action Gunman Stan McKurt show: He can shoot evil in the face. [/obscure reference]  
> …

Yay! I know an obscure reference!  
I’d say use him as an umbrella stand, but he’d have to be hollowed out first.

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**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\
**Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-uses-for-dick-cheney/498787/62 "2009-06-09T00:17:29Z")

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> [@Isamu](#):
>
> We need a test subject to determine what’s torture and what isn’t. By his own estimation he’s qualified for that job.

I came here to post that.

[QUOTE=Boyo Jim]  
Meals for the homeless  
[/QUOTE]

Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!😃

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**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\
**Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-uses-for-dick-cheney/498787/63 "2009-06-09T01:31:01Z")

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I’d say just throw the fucker in a mixmaster and use the resulting paste as a psychological torture device.

Terrorist: I will never talk!  
Interrogator: We have ways of making you talk.  
Terrorist: Never! I will die first.  
Interrogator: There are things worse than death.  
Terrorist: You don’t scare me.  
Interrogator: I have a tube of Cheney right here.  
Terrorist: Auuugghhhh! Noooooo!  
Interrogator: I’m unscrewing the cap…  
Terrorist: Osama Bin Laden is working at a carwash in Cleveland!

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**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\
**Post date:** [June 9, 2009, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/new-uses-for-dick-cheney/498787/64 "2009-06-09T14:49:33Z")

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> [@Gyrate](#):
>
> Dress him and Karl Rove up as Tweedledee and Tweedledum in a stage version of _Alice in Dittoland_. Also featuring George Bush as the White Rabbit, Donald Rumsfeld as The Mad Hatter, Alberto Gonzalez as the Dormouse, and Rush Limbaugh as the Cheshire Cat.

I see Rush Limpbaugh more as the hookah-smoking caterpillar. You know, gets high and spews nonsense.

> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#):
>
> Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!😃

Naw. For that to be a problem, Cheney would have to be included in the set of “people.” He’s not. We’re safe . . . for now.

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