# News headlines we DON'T want to see

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/news-headlines-we-dont-want-to-see/205951>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [October 6, 2003, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/news-headlines-we-dont-want-to-see/205951 "2003-10-06T23:13:29Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\
**Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/news-headlines-we-dont-want-to-see/205951/21 "2003-10-07T20:12:08Z")

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**Inerrantists Sign Peace Accord**  
_Religious Leaders Agree On Doctrine, Education, Enforcement_  
_New mandatory schools and punishment for nonbelievers to be worldwide_

**Social Skills Gene Found**  
_Nerdiness Can Be Predicted, Experts Say_  
_Genetic screen to be implemented_

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**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\
**Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/news-headlines-we-dont-want-to-see/205951/22 "2003-10-07T20:45:17Z")

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**Invading Space Robots Destroy Earth**  
_see Sports section_

**Chicken Outsmarts President in Game of Tic-Tac-Toe**  
_Commander-in-chief requests rematch_

**Malawi Expels Laotian Ambassador**  
_Malawi forces posed to strike Vientiane via thousand mile tunnel under Indian Ocean_

**Solipsist Proven Correct**  
_No comment from scientific community_

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**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\
**Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/news-headlines-we-dont-want-to-see/205951/23 "2003-10-07T21:40:05Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Yumblie \*  
> \*\ ***Absolutely Nothing Of Interest Happened Today**
> 
> Some say no news is good news, but no news is _boring!!!_ \*\*

I’ll second that. When there’s nothing going on, I have to go out and find _something_ to fill up the front page of the paper. I’m a newspaper photographer, you see — rest assured that when you see a big photo in the center of the front page with no story to go with it, all is right and boring in the world. (especially when the photo is of cute animals and/or little kids frolicking about)

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**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\
**Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/news-headlines-we-dont-want-to-see/205951/24 "2003-10-07T22:00:41Z")

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**Michael Moore Survives Accident**

**28th Amendment Outlaws Beer, Video Games, and Masterbation**

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**Author:** ![Capcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Capcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capcha)\
**Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/news-headlines-we-dont-want-to-see/205951/25 "2003-10-07T22:20:10Z")

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\*\* NASA a betrayor! The Earth is truely flat!  
All clues led to prove that Internet is bad for the health! Earth-wide emmergency. Countdown to shutt-off begins!\*\*

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