# NFL Predictions: Week One **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 7, 2001, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162 "2001-09-07T01:31:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gazoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ce73a5/32.png) [@Gazoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazoo)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/1 "2001-09-07T01:31:11Z")
How ya doin’ sports fans? Your ol’ bud Gazoo is back (at least in a limited sense - I can’t spend as much time here as I used to… ☹ ) for all your football betting, bragging, and Bengal-trashing needs. For those who weren’t around this time last year, do a quick search of threads in IMHO using the words “NFL Predictions” and you can read all the fun we had in threads last year. Now, down to business. The guarantee - if my record (straight up) dips below .500, the beagle (fatter than ever) will pick for me (okay, maybe I’ll smear some bacon grease on a few teams to help him along). Week One is always the toughest, but here goes: **Lions 17 at Packers 30** - I originally had this game closer, but after scanning all the injuries the Lions have in defensive backfield, it looks more like a blow-out. Not to mention the Lions haven’t won in Green Bay since around the time Cecil started fighting ignorance. **Panthers 21 at Vikings 38** - If the Panthers ever close to within 10, you can count on Culpepper just walking out with that confident stride of his and nailing a streaming Randy Moss, also in stride. **Chicago 3 at Ravens 27** - Yeah, yeah, I know. James Allen was the last RB to have 100 yards against the Ravens. Who wants to bet that he can do it again? Not me. Grbac and Sharpe will play toss and catch all day. **Colts 24 at Jets 23** - I had Indy as a lock in this, but I think Manning might be hurt a little worse than we hear. The Jets’ WRs don’t scare anyone though, and one good shot to Vinnie sits him down for a week or two. **Patsies 20 at Bungles 21** - What is this? Divison III? Cincy and Boston probably won’t even cover this game. **Saints 27 at Bills 24** - At one point, the Bills were actually _favored_ in this game. Yeah right. The Saints may well have the most balanced team in the league, and no team led by Rob “Surf’s Up Dude” Johnson will beat them. **Raiders 30 at Chiefs 27** - One of those toughies to try and pick, but even thought the Raiders generally struggle at Arrowhead, the Chiefs have a new QB, RB, Coach, System, rookie WR… **Steelers 16 at Jaguars 17** - Give this one to the home team. I don’t think either team breaks .500 for the year, too many gaps on both teams. **Seahawks 24 at Browns 11** - Yeah, the Seahawks defensive backfield is banged up, but the Browns won’t get much of a running game going so the 'Hawks can play nickle most of the game. The Brownies have done well in the preseason against vanilla offenses, but they won’t see that on Sunday. **Bucs 6000 at Dallas 0** - I’m taking bets right now on how soon Quincy Carter ends up with John Lynch’s helmet sticking out of his back. The option in the NFL…good one. Too bad for Dallas. They go 0-16 and still get the second pick in the draft to the Texans. **Falcons 21 at 49ers 30** - The Niners should still win this one, but Hearst is only there for the “feel good story of the year.” Barlow should, and eventually will, be the starter. **Rams 31 at Eagles 24** - Wow, Martz is on his way to becoming the next Shanahan. He just needs to be more subtle. Allowing the press to watch Faulk and Candidate in the backfield together and then making a scene when a reporter brings it up…pure genious. Just don’t make the ploy so obvious, Mike. Is there a **Montfort/CrunchyFrog** signature on the line? **Redskins 13 at Chargers 17** - Breakthecurse… breakthecurse… Please, break the curse!!! **Dolphins 13 at Titans 14** - In SI this week, they noted that the Dolphins have problems in the red zone, then exhalted the Titans’ redzone O because Eddie George had 16 TDs last year, all the time ignoring the fact that Lamar Smith had…hmmm…16 TDs. Just thought I’d point it out. **Giants 20 at Broncos 27** - Now here’s the master. Shanny keeping it a secret as to who will be the starting RB, saying only that one will be the starter, one will back him up, and one will play special teams. Okay, maybe he’s not the master…can anyone see Davis or Gary playing ST’s? There they are, love 'em or hate 'em. I’ve changed scores a bit since I predicted them earlier this week. The original, and less entertaining predictions are at [http://www.fantasystats.com](http://www.fantasystats.com) - you’ll need to get a free ID. The article is called “One Man’s Opinion.” I must say, this was more fun. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/2 "2001-09-07T01:57:32Z")
Tampa 6000 over Dallas 0? Even ignoring the hyperbole, I think Quincy Carter’s got a real shot at this. No, I don’t believe that for a moment, but I picked him up in the fifteenth round of my workplace fantasy draft, and I’m praying he becomes another Culpepper. Even if he does end up with Lynch’s helmet buried six inches in his chest, it’ll be fun to watch. My brief picks, ranked in order of confidence: Baltimore over Chicago Tampa over Dallas Minnesota over Carolina Tennessee over Miami (I think it won’t be as close as you think) Denver over Giants Seattle over Cleveland Jacksonville over Pittsburgh San Francisco over Atlanta St Louis over Philadelphia Green Bay over Detroit Oakland over Kansas City New Orleans over Buffalo New York Jets over Indianapolis (we disagree on this one, and this one only) San Diego over Washington New England over Cincinnati ---
**Author:** ![poohpah\_chalupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/91b2a8/32.png) [@poohpah\_chalupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poohpah_chalupa)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/3 "2001-09-07T03:00:50Z")
**Gazoo** ’s back!!! If you only post twice a week, let it be here in your prediction threads… Chicago gets to play the reigning SuperBowl Champions in week one. yay. ☹ I think the Raiders are going to bitch slap the Chiefs all over the field…not as close as you’re predicting. …and I may just pick up the Redskin torch on behalf of a certain Amgel who used to frequent these boards, so I’m going to have to take issue with your Charger pick: _ahem_ **"THE CHARGERS??!! What tha @#$\*!!! are ya thinkin??!!?!!"** thank you. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/4 "2001-09-07T03:12:06Z")
I’m currently doing a little “Gazoo is back” dance. (No, none of you can see.) I don’t even care that he predicted the Steelers to lose, which of course they will not. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/5 "2001-09-07T03:50:43Z")
**WOOOHOOOO!** The all knowing, all seeing, **Gazoo** returns. Can’t really argue with any of your picks, well, maybe the Dallas-Tampa game. I don’t think it’s going to be that close. Great to have you back Gazoo, I look forward to another year your great predictions. ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/6 "2001-09-07T14:51:08Z")
NOW it’s the football season – Gazoo’s back! I like most of your picks. I don’t see the Pack scoring 30 points, though, unless the first stringers were holding back all preseason. I think this one is gonna be close. I agree with you on Manning – I think his injury will be a factor. So much so that I benched him this week from my fantasy team. Want to know who I started? Matt Hasselbeck! No, I’m not crazy. Stop looking at me that way. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/7 "2001-09-07T14:54:57Z")
Not just out of spite, but I really did pick Lions over Packers in my confidence league (And yes, I also picked Baltimore) I also have the broncos and jets winning, but I put them at low confidence. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/8 "2001-09-07T15:13:24Z")
Rumor has it that TD won’t start because he has a paper cut that hasn’t healed up yet. Ok, ok, I’m just bitter at TD since he screwed me in my fantasy league. It’s pretty obvious here in Denver that he’ll be the starter. And I’m predicting a Bronco win, 31-10. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/9 "2001-09-07T15:15:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sunshine \* > Rumor has it that TD won’t start because he has a paper cut that hasn’t healed up yet. Jesus Christ, is this kid made of crystal or something? ::jarbaby stomps off to take TD out of the lineup:: ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/10 "2001-09-07T15:30:04Z")
**Gazoo!** , great to see you back, you were my first stop on the internet. Can’t see a problem with your picks. I wish the Niners had more games with Atlanta though. Can you do a season prediction? Oh and did Mr. Interception keep his job in Miami, I missed too many of Miami’s preseason games to see if he got beat out. **poohpah chalupa** I’m pretty sure you can put any name in place of the Ravens and still get the same result, well maybe not Detroit ( **jarbaby** have you been drinking?), but you get the picture. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/11 "2001-09-07T15:51:46Z")
Gazoo- How do you keep track of your record? I hope in relation to a specific point spread source. I know that you give a score prediction, but what spread do you measure against? The only reason that I ask is that you had an exceptional season last year and I’m hoping it continues (and makes me slightly wealthier) -JJ ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/12 "2001-09-07T16:39:34Z")
So, eh, **Crunchy** , whattya say? As much as I’m pleased that you’re back, **Gazoo** , I think you’re dead wrong. How much improved is the Rams D, and how much improved is the Eagles’ O? Duce shall run wild, as will Donovan! **Go Eagles!** ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/13 "2001-09-07T19:12:23Z")
**Montfort** : In **Crunchy’s** absence, I shall step in as the SDMB’s second-string Rams fan. Eagles? Blahhhh! We shall shoot them out of the sky, then fry their gizzards and eat them off shishkabob skewers. So there. **Go Rams!** ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/14 "2001-09-07T20:46:15Z")
Care to make this interesting, **Stuyguy**? ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/15 "2001-09-07T21:14:59Z")
As a Bills fan, I’m distraught. How many times will Johnson get sacked or injured? Sheesh. My only comfort is in the wimpy idea that they’re rebuilding and need a season or two to really turn it back around. That’s my new football mantra: They’re rebuilding. They’re rebuilding. Crap. I’m not gonna enjoy this season too much, methinks. ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/16 "2001-09-07T21:59:05Z")
**Monty:** Sher. Wutcha got? And that’s: Little “s”-tuyguy ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/17 "2001-09-07T22:00:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Montfort \* > **So, eh, Crunchy, whattya say?** I say in light of last year’s defense, I’d like to see what the new defensive staff and players have to offer (although it’s already looking better). They really disappointed me last year. However, the offense is as potent as ever (although we lack depth at QB now that Trent Green is in KC) and I think the Rams can withstand a shoot-out (if it comes to that) with the Eagles. So I won’t be as brash as **stuyguy** in my support of the Rams, but the Eagles are going to start the season 0-1. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/18 "2001-09-07T22:13:55Z")
any team with a mobile quarterback scares us at least a little, even if he is a rookie who can’t throw. It’s all those years of pessimism, they just don’t go away that easy. Charlie Batch is the last QB to win against the Bucs in his first start, and he only frightens Bucs fans. I don’t think that the **Rams** can win on that crap turf in **Philly** , and I am even more scared that I am going to lose Marshall Faulk for the season when he blows out a knee trying to cut on that stuff. On other fronts I have the **Jets, Chiefs and Steelers** as winners, but none of those is based on anything more than a hunch, particularly the Steelers. Why can’t the Bucs play in the AFC Central(instead of the Ravens or Titans)? Also, IMO you have the Bills and Saints to close, these teams are headed in entirely different directions. Rob Johnson is the next coming of Chris Chandelier. ---
**Author:** ![Gazoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ce73a5/32.png) [@Gazoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazoo)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/19 "2001-09-08T01:57:28Z")
Glad to see I’m not the only one who can talk football all day long… **Ino** - In the 'Boys MNF pre-season game, someone mentioned Carter and Culpepper in the same sentence. I almost fell off my chair. Carter would be a good RB, Culpepper is a great QB who can also run as well as most NFL RBs. **poopah** - The Chargers will be 9-7 or 8-8 and just short of a playoff spot. In two years they’ll be at the top of the AFC. Redskins? 7-9 at best this year. In two years? 3-13. **B o’ S** - Detroit has nothing in the defensive backfield. Look for 2 TDs from Favre (long to Bradford, short to Free), a defensive pick for a TD, and 3 Longwell TDs. I was high on Detroit for about a week (after the SI article on Millen), but what do they really have? Give him two years to mold his team in his image, then they’ll contend. **stuffinb** - I predict the Niners to go 7-9. I think they’re better than last year on defense, but the loss of Garner and Rice will hurt. And using Hearst as their starter instead of Barlow will cost them at least one game. Plus, the NFC West has become tough, with the Rams/Saints winning 25-27 games between them. Oh, Fiedler is still the starter in Miami, and he’ll keep it. Around week 8 or 9 last season, everyone was singing his praises for _not_ turning over the ball. Then he plays Tampa at home, leading in the 4th quarter in a torrential down pour. He separates his left shoulder, turns the ball over 4 times in the last quarter and a half and they lose. Whose fault is that? Wanny’s, not Jay’s. They shouldn’t have even considered passing in that situation. He won’t put up huge numbers this year, but he has nice WRs in Gadsden/McKinght/Chambers and will do fine. **Jacknifed** - The overall record last year was “straight-up,” although at the end of the year I kept track of both. “Against the spread” was better, I believe, during that time. Check the picks and spread over at [http://www.fantasystats.com](http://www.fantasystats.com) (you’ll need to sign on for a user ID, free, to get to the **One Man’s Opinion** column). Over there I’m tracking both straight up and against the spread. The spread I’m using is the Tuesday morning “America’s Line” from the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel. **Montfort** - The loss of Vincent, or him having to try to keep up with Holt or Bruce on a gimpy knee doesn’t bode well for the Iggles. I do think they’ll take the NFC East this year, as the division’s only entry into the playoffs actually. **ShibOleth** - I don’t think that after the cancelled pre-season game, and the out-cry by even the Iggles, there will be any turf problems in Philly this year. Batteries thrown on the field is another issue. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162/20 "2001-09-08T04:43:00Z")
Despite your continuous insistence upon picking against the Chefs, I still love ya man! Glad to see you back. But even I, the KC-pseudo Fan trapped in Indiana, don’t hold out too much hope for this opener against the Raiders. The only thing I expect is for Arrowhead to be ROCKIN’! I mean, a home opener against the Raiders? The parking lot is going to be a deathtrap for anyone wearing black. It’ll be a battle. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nfl-predictions-week-one/80162.md?page=2)