# Nice, clean jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 15, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450 "2006-03-15T14:48:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/21 "2006-03-16T04:25:20Z")
Did you hear about the drum set that fell of the cliff? ba-dum-CRASH! ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/22 "2006-03-16T04:50:48Z")
Who was our tallest president? Dwight D. Eiffeltower. [QUOTE=AskNott] What is it that a man can do standing up, and a woman can do sitting down? Shake hands. [/QUOTE] …and a dog does on 3 legs? ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/23 "2006-03-16T05:59:52Z")
Three guys walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have saw it coming. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/24 "2006-03-16T15:49:48Z")
What do you call a boomarang that won’t come back ? A stick. What do you call an uncircumcised Jew ? A girl. ---
**Author:** ![moonstarssun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@moonstarssun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moonstarssun)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/25 "2006-03-16T19:54:40Z")
[QUOTE=NurseCarmen] What’s brown and sticky? A stick! [/QUOTE] This is one that I was going to use! I also like: A horse walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “So, why the long face?” And: I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, not terrified and screaming like the people in the car with him. And: When geese are in a V formation, why is one side longer than the other? Because there are more geese on that side. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/26 "2006-03-16T21:53:43Z")
Where was Moses when he blew out the candle? On the other side. Oh, did I mention the chicken? ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/27 "2006-03-16T21:56:27Z")
What’s big and red and eats dissenters? China. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/28 "2006-03-16T21:59:46Z")
What’s big and blue and eats dissenters? Wedgewood china. ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/29 "2006-03-16T22:00:41Z")
Told to me, a Smith, by (naturally) another Smith: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? –Because that’s how many have phones. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2006, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/30 "2006-03-16T23:57:33Z")
Termite walks into a bar. “Is the bar tender here?” ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/31 "2006-03-17T00:40:51Z")
Did you hear about that ship carrying a cargo of yo-yos that hit a reef?, it has sank 87 times so far. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/32 "2006-03-17T00:53:18Z")
[QUOTE=rowrrbazzle] …and a dog does on 3 legs? [/QUOTE] Are you a turtle? ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/33 "2006-03-17T01:54:04Z")
You bet your sweet ass I am! ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/34 "2006-03-17T01:57:06Z")
To contribute: Two psychiatrists meet on the street. The first one says, “How am I?” The second one says, “Fine, how am I?” Feel free to flame ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/35 "2006-03-17T01:59:03Z")
What did the monkey say when he fell out of the tree? Nothing, because he was dead. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/36 "2006-03-17T02:13:08Z")
Why did they bury the fireman behind the hill? Because he _was DEAD!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/37 "2006-03-17T03:07:33Z")
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? I was dead Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree It was stapled to the monkey! ---
**Author:** ![N.Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f19dbf/32.png) [@N.Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N.Sane)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/38 "2006-03-17T03:24:29Z")
Yay! Lightbulb jokes! How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb really has to want to change. How many teamsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Sixteen. You got a problem with that? How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb? Thirty. Twenty to bring refreshments, nine to clean up, and one to change the bulb. How many Highland Park women does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks. How many Aggies does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to climb the ladder and change the bulb, and four to rotate the ladder with the guy on it. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450/39 "2006-03-17T04:16:24Z")
My favorite knock-knock joke from Jack & Jill magazine (I think), ca. 1966. (told in rapid succession) Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ether. Ether, who? Ether Bunny! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Notha Notha, who? Notha Ether Bunny! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Bunja. Bunja, who? Bunja Ether Bunnies! Knock-knock. Who’s there? Cargo. Cargo, who? Cargo beep-beep, run over all the Ether Bunnies. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo, who? Don’t cry, the Ether Bunny will be back next year. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-clean-jokes/348450.md?page=1)