# Nice guys never get the girl.... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2000, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-guys-never-get-the-girl/39303 "2000-11-01T21:53:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![tubagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b77776/32.png) [@tubagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tubagirl)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-guys-never-get-the-girl/39303/81 "2000-11-29T05:10:01Z")
re: to the OP I don’t understand why so many women don’t like to be treated well. I have always gone for the easily pussy-whipped guy. I love the type of guy who gets off on spoiling me. I don’t try to take advantage of it. But I must ay that I like having flowers for no apparent reason. I like that he will rub my feet after work, or cook me dinner. I like a nice guy. I especially like shy nice guys. I married one. The shy guys usually have less experience with women and it easier to suprise them. The hard part is getting them to open up. I think most women just have to realize they deserve better than an indifferent man. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-guys-never-get-the-girl/39303/82 "2000-11-29T06:42:28Z")
I really think the keys are assertiveness and self-confidence. For most people, these are attractive qualities to anybody of either sex. And they don’t really equate to niceness. One can be assertive, self-comfident and the nicest person in the world. Equally one can be full self doubt and self loathing and still be a total barracuda. The “nice guy” handle is just a convienent catch-all phrase, but in my opinion it’s not totally accurate. ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-guys-never-get-the-girl/39303/83 "2000-11-29T16:27:50Z")
…And I let some fine women slip through my fingers, mainly (at least in my mind) because I didn’t tell them how I truly felt. When I met the woman who is now my wife I became uncharacteristically aggressive, boldly leaping from a to b, acting first and dealing with the consequences as they arose (not to the point of unprotected sex, of course). If you’re a shy guy and you’re in your car with a woman you really like in front of her house and there’s something in your head that’s just screaming to get out, you just have to say it. There’s no way around it. She’s not going to read your mind. You’re not “beaming” your thought to her. Just open your mouth and let 'er rip. You might be pleasantly surprised. Then again you might not ever see her again. You HAVE to take the risk. ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-guys-never-get-the-girl/39303/84 "2000-11-29T17:14:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Just A Girl \* > \*\*In my opinion. I think a lot of typical girls are subconsciously attracted to confidence. Any guy who portrays himself as aloof and above every other guy in the room, can make a girl feel like, “wow - of everyone in the room, he chose to talk to me.” This mindset seems to make the girl blind to the fact that the guy is a collasal jerk. 😉 \*\* Thanks!!! You just let out my secret!!! Don’t act aloof, be aloof! ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-guys-never-get-the-girl/39303/85 "2000-11-30T22:02:33Z")
God, this thread scares me. Why? Because _this_ > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JBirdman12 \* > \*\*Then there’s the former nice guy who becomes bitter and cynical and Plays the Role. He finds out (often from other guys who get laid more than he) what women want to hear, and he says these things. He is a nice guy no more, having become a manipulator. I’ve seen this type as well, and many of them seem to burn out early. > > To the unwary women: beware. They will hurt you. > \*\* could be about ME. My relationships with women have been quite rocky over the years, and I think it’s safe to say I lag behind most men in this area. To me, it’s sad because I _used to be_ a nice guy. And now I know I have spent the major part of the last several years being (at least on the inside)what **JBirman12** describes. I feel that in the past 6 months I have been coming out of it, and I am really relieved. Misogyny is a sweet drink laced with poison. I could blame all kinds of things for this, but WHAT caused it is a lot less important than what I’m going to DO about it. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve learned that women are human being with feelings too. They are not all the same. Sure, I’ve been told by my frequently-laid friends that confidence is an aphrodisiac, and that if I want more women just ACT confident. But I think that’s a cop-out. What I finally had to admit was that I have problems. I’m not insane or a loser, but my life was never all I really wanted it to be. And I lacked confidence because of this. This was not any womans fault. _I_ am in control of _my own_ life. I can be the person I want to be. And when I am truly that person, I will be an attractive individual. (Although I’m not so horrible now) I consider this realization a gift from god. NOW I know what to do: Make me happy with myself, and women will be too. As to all that other stuff…I agree with most of it. Women like confidence, don’t like weenies, etc. But women and their priorities change as they get older, too. Usually for the better. Most women are not the same people at age 30 they were at age 20. Older women just have more…I don’t know how to say it. But I know **porcupine** has it. 😉 (Sorry you had such bad luck, **porc**.) Some older women also realize that while they may have got a vicious thrill “playing around” with men while they were young, their power was in direct proportion to their youthful attractiveness. See how many personals ads you can find from women under 35 in any newspaper if you doubt me. It’s all too true that looks count a lot more for women than they do for men. (I mean _they_ need to be attractive.) Can men really blame womenfor using what power they have, while they have it? An old frat buddy of mine once had a saying: “I may not be the most good-looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.” Older women finally come to understand what this means. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-guys-never-get-the-girl/39303.md?page=4)