# Nice job on the turtle essay, Unca Cece **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [November 16, 2001, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805 "2001-11-16T20:01:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/1 "2001-11-16T20:01:32Z")
Not only is it sparklingly interesting and informative, telling us things we weren’t even aware we desperately needed to know, you also managed to [get somebody else to write the whole article for you](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011116.html). Seems to me if you can make that a regular habit, that’ll free up your days to focus full-time on the still-unresolved question of piss shiver. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/2 "2001-11-16T21:06:43Z")
After reading about turtles breathing through their butts and sea cucumbers using their innards as a means of self-defense, I have only one comment: COOOOL!!! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/3 "2001-11-16T22:16:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > \*\*Not only is it sparklingly interesting and informative, telling us things we weren’t even aware we desperately needed to know, you also managed to [get somebody else to write the whole article for you](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/011116.html). Seems to me if you can make that a regular habit, that’ll free up your days to focus full-time on the still-unresolved question of piss shiver. > > 😉 \*\* Of course, this Tom Sawyer scam is merely another indication of Cecil’s resourcefulness. I’m waiting on my cut of the royalties [sub]and I ain’t holding my breath neither[/sub]. At least he promoted me from Straight Dope Curator of Birds to Curator of Critters. It looks better on my CV. [sub]And thanks for the compliments on the article[/sub] SD Staff George Straight Dope Curator of Critters ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/4 "2001-11-16T22:24:56Z")
Well done, Colibri (aka George). But don’t get too big a head and go passing yourself off as Cecil, or you might find the next column to be less than friendly. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/5 "2001-11-16T22:38:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Irishman \* > **go passing yourself off as Cecil,** It’s not possible to mistake us. I wear a pith helmet rather than a mortarboard. Also, unlike Cecil, I’ve never been able to figure out the words to “Louie, Louie.” ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2001, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/6 "2001-11-16T23:09:24Z")
A what helmet? Pith! Pith! \ Pith yourthelf. (Seriously, nice job on the column. Like I said, it was information I had no idea I desperately needed to know, but now I couldn’t possibly live without.) ---
**Author:** ![SRB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SRB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SRB)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/7 "2001-11-17T01:26:24Z")
Cecil, dearest, who cares about that breathing thing?? The real question was posed by Ogden Nash: A turtle lives twist plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it’s clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile. Now then…turtles…sex…explanation??? ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/8 "2001-11-17T04:23:00Z")
Personally, I think they should hire George to replace Cecil. He could do at least as good a job. Which pays better, bugologist or know-it-all columnist? ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/9 "2001-11-17T05:08:22Z")
‘Tain’t about what pays better, **dtilque** , it’s about who gets the chicks. Da wimmins don’t like folk who disect things for a livin’. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2001, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/10 "2001-11-17T08:09:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Others actually disembowel themselves when disturbed: they eject the digestive tract and respiratory tract from the anus. And I used to think my ex-wife’s farting in bed was bad. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/11 "2001-11-18T04:53:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MysterEcks \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Others actually disembowel themselves when disturbed: they eject the digestive tract and respiratory tract from the anus. > > And I used to think my ex-wife’s farting in bed was bad. \*\* Jeez, you cut the best part of that paragraph-the very next sentence: > [@](#): > > The innards crawl around by themselves for awhile outside the animal, and as they are sticky they can also entangle an attacker. :eek: It just sounds like something from a really cheesy horror movie. ‘But then, to his horror and disgust, the sticky entrails of the disemboweled sea cucumber began to crawl towards him.’ ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/12 "2001-11-18T08:18:59Z")
**SCSimmons** said: > [@](#): > > Jeez, you cut the best part of that paragraph-the very next sentence: > > > [@](#): > > > > The innards crawl around by themselves for awhile outside the animal, and as they are sticky they can also entangle an attacker. The only comparison I have with my ex-wife for that would involve her menstral emissions, and some memories are best repressed. ---
**Author:** ![DMAAN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@DMAAN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMAAN)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/13 "2001-11-19T13:30:08Z")
Since turtles breathe through their butts do they smell like sh…poop when they exhale through their mouth? And can this explain my bosses perpetual bad breath? 😉 d ---
**Author:** ![kametzger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/46a35a/32.png) [@kametzger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kametzger)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/14 "2001-11-19T20:43:20Z")
Even more fascinating information is available about the function of these ‘cloacal bursae’ found in the arse of the turtle… A recent review paper (Peterson and Greenshields, 2001) discusses all of the purported functions of these butt-chambers. They apparently differ in different types of turtles butt (excuse the pun) do much more than just serve a respiratory function… In aquatic emydid, batagurid, and chelydrid turtles, their primary function is probably as ballast tanks for buoyancy control. Cryptodiran turtles may actually use them to transfer water to nesting sites (that’s not a drinking fountain that I would want to sip from), and there have been various unsubstantiated claims that cloacal bursae are actually used for the uptake of water and for maintainance of ion concentrations. Point is, there are whole worlds out there to explore if one only has the energy and motivation. ---
**Author:** ![jovan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/0ea827/32.png) [@jovan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jovan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/15 "2001-11-21T15:36:32Z")
Funny thing is, I had sea cucumber for diner (and other stuff). There are things that are better left unknown. ---
**Author:** ![Fishhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9f8e36/32.png) [@Fishhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fishhead)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nice-job-on-the-turtle-essay-unca-cece/93805/16 "2001-11-28T19:44:33Z")
There is a tale reaching urban legend status that circulates among fisheries and marine biologists about one of the large self-eviscerating varieties of sea cucumber that was presented as a large jello mold at the retirement party of one or another prominent biologist. The story goes that the critter was placed on a plate and disguised around the tell-tale ends with lettuce or some other garnish. When the roastee pokes in his fork, cablooee! Time for a new wardrobe. I have a bit of trouble swallowing the story because I have heard it with more than one victim (although I guess it is possible there was more than one sea cucumber) and because it would be a risky proposition for the practical jokers to handle the critters, especially out of the water, without having the bomb go off in their hands. The story may have merit, becase there are some sea cucumbers that do resemble a big jello mold. Fishhead