Thank you. I was afraid I was going to have to say that. 
Lok
I know one. The earth is 6000 years old. He really likes dinosaurs, though.
Plus every word in the Bible is the literal truth. (Clearly he’s never read it as the different Gospels can’t even agree on what Jesus said on the Cross.)
Oh, except for the word “wine” – that’s a mistranslation. It’s “grape juice” – he’s a Baptist. Jesus didn’t drink alcoholic beverages. Never mind I’ve had grape juice turn to wine in my refrigerator much less what happens to it in the middle of the desert. Guess those pouches and urns must have had some kind of built in super refrigeration the archaeologists haven’t discovered yet.
This, by the way, is the same Christian who once gleefully told me about the time he and a college buddy committed a “hit and run” on an old woman. – I turned him in to the authorities.
So the man – though he would say otherwise – is not rational. Get this – he’s a chemical engineer. Got his degree from the University of Florida. (Any Gators out there want to claim this fellow?) You’d think an engineer would be able to think critically. But not when it comes to his religion. Then it’s check your brain at the door.
hijack:
Malacandra – Cud chewing animals aren’t kosher? Wouldn’t that make cows not kosher? Cows definitely chew their cud. I thought the Jewish could eat beef. Someone’s going to have to explain this further to me.
A punny pilpul!
Meh. Such an authority on the last words of Jesus, and yet you can’t read the part where I talk about chewing the cud and not being cloven-hoofed? Cud-chewing and cloven-hoofed is fine. Either alone is not.
Ahhh, I interpreted it as “they couldn’t eat cud chewing animals and they couldn’t eat cloven-hoofed animals.”
Yeah, I think this gets confused because verse 11:5 mentions the “coney” in some translations, which in an English context would indeed be a rabbit, but in a contemporary middle-eastern context refers to another large hare-type thing, the hyrax (or, marvellously, “rock-badger”).
I realize I didn’t make it clear: He and his buddy were in a car. The old woman they hit was a pedestrian.
Fine, they may or may not be a rabbit, and they may or may not chew their cud. Still, you can not deny the fact that grasshoppers have four legs and that the earth does not move.
Besides, didn’t Jesus renounce dietary laws anyway, in Mark 7:19?
As per the OP, it isn’t terribly funny by itself, but considering that it isn’t your typical Sunday paper innane crap, it gains a lot of humor points.