# Nigeria is one f###ked up country **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 2, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267 "2007-07-02T19:31:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/1 "2007-07-02T19:31:28Z")
[Price of machetes drops after elections](http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070702/od_nm/nigeria_machetes_dc_1;_ylt=ApwjPL2moi87Hl7xfN_IIeAE1vAI) > [@](#): > > The price of machetes has halved in parts of Nigeria since the end of general elections in April because demand from thugs sponsored by politicians has subsided, the state-owned News Agency of Nigeria reported. > > … > > “Before the conduct of the general elections, I was selling a minimum of seven machetes daily but can hardly sell one a day now,” said Usman Masi, a trader quoted by NAN. And they want me to launder the finance minister’s fortune? Not bloody likely! ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/2 "2007-07-02T19:41:57Z")
well, frankly, I heard that Masi sold used machettes as new and they were substandard, so I’m not surprised that he’s not selling as many anymore. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/3 "2007-07-02T19:58:30Z")
[QUOTE=wring] well, frankly, I heard that Masi sold used machettes as new and they were substandard, so I’m not surprised that he’s not selling as many anymore. [/QUOTE] Just the other day I was “attached” by “bad elements,” whose machetes were so dull that they beat me with my own “hand phone.” I earnestly await your urgent reply. Signed, Barrister Mohammed Abacha ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/4 "2007-07-02T20:00:57Z")
[QUOTE=wring] well, frankly, I heard that Masi sold used machettes as new and they were substandard, so I’m not surprised that he’s not selling as many anymore. [/QUOTE] _Like_ new! They’re _like_ new! Only used to chop up little old ladies on Sundays! Tell you what - buy two, I’ll give you the third one free, and that’s cutting me own throat! Well, _someone’s_ throat, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2007, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/5 "2007-07-02T20:50:53Z")
Nigerian politics was so much more interesting when you could just buy the Fela record. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/6 "2007-07-03T01:23:45Z")
It’s an interesting way to gauge the violence in a country- street price of the weapon of choice. I wonder if anyone’s done an inflation-adjusted graph on the street price of an AK-47 in Iraq or Afghanistan? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/7 "2007-07-03T01:42:06Z")
Which network is it that airs “Fucked Up Country”? I don’t think my cable system carries that. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/8 "2007-07-03T02:22:30Z")
deleted double post ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/9 "2007-07-03T02:22:26Z")
In an election a bullet is just as good as a ballot, and a good deal easier to count. That machete business is too labor intensive to be efficient in the 21st century. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/10 "2007-07-03T02:27:18Z")
[QUOTE=Bill Door] That machete business is too labor intensive to be efficient in the 21st century. [/QUOTE] Then then it should be the status quo in Nigeria for at least 200 years. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/11 "2007-07-03T05:31:19Z")
Check out “[fuckedcountry.com](http://fuckedcountry.com),” where all those countries with poor business practices or personnel horror stories get trashed. Wait, I may have that mixed up with another site…hmmm. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Hildo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@Johnny\_Hildo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Hildo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/12 "2007-07-03T05:43:57Z")
Such a shame, especially when the fuckin NAME of your country has become an adjective for corruption. Yeah, we’ll see an African renaissance real soon. NOT. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/13 "2007-07-03T09:45:28Z")
Nigeria has GREAT cookies. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/14 "2007-07-03T10:04:28Z")
[QUOTE=Fear Itself] Then then it should be the status quo in Nigeria for at least 200 years. [/QUOTE] I dunno, they might get the audiences in for a concert or two but you can bet that the record sales will be shit. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/15 "2007-07-03T10:35:50Z")
Oh sure, it’s easy to mock Nigeria. But I think everyone’s missing the salient point here: even though their government may be hopelessly awash in violence and intimidation… they still take the time to monitor machete prices. That’s the sort of attention to detail that I think many ostensibly advanced First World nations could stand to emulate. If machetes are an integral part of their electoral process, then by god, the Nigerian government keeps records on how those machetes affect elections! Other nations might try to gloss over such irregularities, sweep them under the rug: “What machetes? How could machete sales possibly have anything to do with elections? You are too paranoid, my friend. Everything is in order.” But not Nigeria! If there’s a ripple in the machete market, then even the state-sponsored Nigerian media carries the story on the front page! I think there’s a lesson there for all of us. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/16 "2007-07-03T10:39:45Z")
[QUOTE=even sven] Nigeria has GREAT cookies. [/QUOTE] If their Girl Scouts carry machetes, I’m **not** opening the door for them! ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/17 "2007-07-03T11:08:34Z")
[QUOTE=Bill Door] In an election a bullet is just as good as a ballot, and a good deal easier to count. That machete business is too labor intensive to be efficient in the 21st century. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but you can also use machetes to cut underbrush, open coconuts, shave, and perform female circumcision. You can only do some of those with an AK-47… ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/18 "2007-07-03T11:16:55Z")
[QUOTE=An Arky] Yeah, but you can also use machetes to cut underbrush, open coconuts, shave, and perform female circumcision. You can only do some of those with an AK-47… [/QUOTE] Last time I had to open a coconut I wish I had an AK-47… ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/19 "2007-07-03T11:23:51Z")
[QUOTE=An Arky] Yeah, but you can also use machetes to cut underbrush, open coconuts, shave, and perform female circumcision. You can only do some of those with an AK-47… [/QUOTE] Some varieties of AK-47 come with folding bayonets, you know. Even the ones that don’t will readily mount a detachable bayonet. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267/20 "2007-07-03T14:09:08Z")
Wait, I am confused. Are you saying I should take the shipment of machetes from my Nigerian contact now or wait until the check clears? If I wait for the check, the prices might go up. If I send him 15,000 dollars now, I could probably get more machetes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nigeria-is-one-f-ked-up-country/410267.md?page=2)