# Ninja cavemen vs. pirate astronauts **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 26, 2006, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111 "2006-07-26T17:13:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/1 "2006-07-26T17:13:35Z")
Who’d win? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/2 "2006-07-26T17:15:36Z")
Batman. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/3 "2006-07-26T17:19:54Z")
According to “Objects in Space,” the pirate astronauts. Daniel [sub]okay, so he’s not a caveman, but he does like to think of himself as a lion–that’s gotta count for something.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/4 "2006-07-26T17:45:48Z")
I’m going to give the nod to those with the best technology, and I am afraid that means the pirate astronauts win. But thinking about the combinations made me think of NINJA ASTRONAUTS and the very idea chilled me to the core. The entire Universe would be at their mercy! ---
**Author:** ![xnylder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbce88/32.png) [@xnylder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xnylder)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/5 "2006-07-26T17:56:57Z")
Are we talking Shinobi Heart Under Blade-style “we live secretly in caves to be close to nature” cavemen, or Quest For Fire-style “me smart, me make mammoth bone shuriken” cavemen? 'cause either way, the ninja win 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/6 "2006-07-26T18:04:04Z")
[QUOTE=August West] I’m going to give the nod to those with the best technology, and I am afraid that means the pirate astronauts win. But thinking about the combinations made me think of NINJA ASTRONAUTS and the very idea chilled me to the core. The entire Universe would be at their mercy! [/QUOTE] Pirate astronauts would only win if they had Uzi’s ([cite](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7603922&postcount=8)) But I’m afraid even an uzi would be no match for NINJA ASTRONAUTS. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/7 "2006-07-26T18:10:06Z")
The pirate astronauts would “win”, assuming “winning” to be “anything short of total annihilation at the hands of the Ninja Cavemen.” ---
**Author:** ![Foldup\_Rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Foldup\_Rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foldup_Rabbit)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/8 "2006-07-26T19:08:02Z")
Won’t the outcome depend entirely on whether or not the fight is in space? 'Cause if it is, then pirate astronauts. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/9 "2006-07-26T19:20:38Z")
Are the pirate astronauts riding burning flying sharks and firing angry bears that are on fire? Do the ninja cavemen turn into dinosaurs, fireballs, and [del]presidents[/del] volcanos? I think it would be a draw. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/10 "2006-07-26T19:47:40Z")
[QUOTE=garygnu] Are the pirate astronauts riding burning flying sharks and firing angry bears that are on fire? [/Quote] And are they on cold fire? ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/11 "2006-07-26T19:53:49Z")
That is enough talk about Ninja Astronauts. they might hear us…and then we’re all dead! ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/12 "2006-07-26T20:09:29Z")
Hmm, ninjas are superior to pirates and astronauts are superior to cavemen so I am going to say that this will be a draw. And by draw I mean it will destroy the universe. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2006, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/13 "2006-07-26T20:17:20Z")
“Ninja cavemen” – if this is a crack about Chuck Norris and his beard, he is not amused. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2006, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/14 "2006-07-27T02:07:34Z")
The pirate astronauts will take off and nuke the ninja cavemen from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![Baffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dec6dc/32.png) [@Baffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baffle)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2006, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/15 "2006-07-27T08:26:41Z")
Pirates, obviously. Why is this even in question? ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2006, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninja-cavemen-vs-pirate-astronauts/366111/16 "2006-07-27T09:12:16Z")
Unsophisticated ninjas do not exist. Almost by definition, a ninja has trained brutally for years and honed his skill so as to be undetectable and lethal. So the ninja cavemen would have to live in caves voluntarily, in which case they’d win because they’re freakin’ ninjas. A primitive society which knows nothing more than picking berries and spearing rabbits cannot make ninjas.