# Ninjas **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 3, 2004, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009 "2004-09-03T20:05:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/21 "2004-09-05T04:14:06Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > The ninja story, not the edward one Too late. We’re already all confused from reading it. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/22 "2004-09-05T04:18:31Z")
> [@pizzabrat](#): > > Too late. We’re already all confused from reading it. Cliff Notes version: Ehud fools King Fatty into a private audiance. Kills him. Escapes unseen. King’s gaurds thinks King is taking a long dump and don’t check out anything for a while. When they finally do, Ehud is long gone. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/23 "2004-09-05T04:23:10Z")
> [@pizzabrat](#): > > Too late. We’re already all confused from reading it. You mean King Edward wasn’t killed by ninjas? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/24 "2004-09-05T06:56:50Z")
"Master Ninja Theme Song! “Wop bop dat dot dee dee!” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/25 "2004-09-05T07:35:46Z")
> [@dogbutler](#): > > You mean King Edward wasn’t killed by ninjas? That’s just what they want you to think. ---
**Author:** ![BooBoo316](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@BooBoo316](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BooBoo316)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/26 "2004-09-05T20:34:51Z")
Don’t forget one of the ninja’s most effective tactics…rusty, dirty weapons. No tetanus shots in the way back times, so an infection was likely to be fatal. Makes an opponent a little more hesitant to enter combat and guards a little less likely to pursue the escaping ninja. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/27 "2004-09-05T20:43:55Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > "Master Ninja Theme Song! > > “Wop bop dat dot dee dee!” Oh Cripes…file under “stuck in my head for the rest of the night”. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/28 "2004-09-06T19:23:03Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Dude…you might be thinking of Vampires or something. Or vampire ninjas! They would, like, totally flip out and kill people – and then _suck their blood!_ ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/29 "2004-09-06T20:03:51Z")
Vampire Ninja Pirate Vikings! > [@](#): > > Supposedly a ninja was hired to kill an especially well-protected warlord, whose exceptionally skilled and capable bodyguards watched his every move. Nah, he’d probably take him down by worming his way into the staff and poisoning him. > [@](#): > > According to the Wikipedia (\<[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ninja](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ninja)\>), the real-life Ninja’s specialty was not assassination but espionage. Also, most of the time on missions they didn’t wear that hooded black suit – because they were trying to be inconspicuous and blend in. Definitely true. Best NInja trick: take a plausible forged document from warlord A to Warlord B. Hang out a bit and take the reply (with appropriate forgeries) to Warlord B. Now warlord A and B think you’re the official (secret) messenger of the other guy. You can hang out and walk around either place safely, since they think the other guy sent them to wait around for you. Best part is, if you do it long enough the whole matter gets really confused and noone can naysay you. > [@](#): > > , as spies and assassins, they probably could fight better than the average person. Defnitely. But they weren’t really up against the average person. I mean, who would hire a Ninja to spy on Fugu Farmer Joe? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/30 "2004-09-06T20:06:40Z")
Those are some dumb vampire ninjas, **tracer**. Their victim’s blood won’t do them much good with them being dead and all. ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2004, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/31 "2004-09-07T00:50:42Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > Here’s a popular ninja urban legend I always wondered if it were true. Supposedly a ninja was hired to kill an especially well-protected warlord, whose exceptionally skilled and capable bodyguards watched his every move. The ninja crawled underneath the warlord’s compound until he reached the muck and filth of the outhouse – the one place the warlord was assured to be alone, and waited. When the warlord finally came to take a dump, the ninja disembowelled him through the floorboards and escaped. > > Any truth to this? I’m sceptical about this one. How exactly is the ninja supposed to recognize the warlord, or Kind Edward, or whoever? Do leaders of men have distinctive asses, like some of the great apes? Or does the secret ninja training also teach them to differentiate between various brown-eyes? Similarly, what do you do _after_ you kill the guy with the old disembowelment-via-the-ass-from-the-toilet trick? Presumably there’ll be a bit of screaming involved - it doesn’t seem to be a quick and painless method. When the screaming occurs, you can bet the skilled and capable bodyguards will rush in to find you, the ninja, rectally eviscerating the head honcho. What do you do then? How do you escape? I think you’d literally be in the shit. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2004, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/32 "2004-09-07T03:35:43Z")
> [@](#): > > Vampire Ninja Pirate Vikings! [Dinosaur ninja pirates vs. titan submarine cannibal vikings!!](http://archive.gamespy.com/comics/nodwick/gamespyarchive/gspynod176.html) ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2004, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/33 "2004-09-07T04:34:58Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > [Dinosaur ninja pirates vs. titan submarine cannibal vikings!!](http://archive.gamespy.com/comics/nodwick/gamespyarchive/gspynod176.html) That is a truly sublime level of ridiculousness. I love it. ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2004, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009/34 "2004-09-07T19:09:05Z")
> [@Atticus Finch](#): > > I’m sceptical about this one. How exactly is the ninja supposed to recognize the warlord, or Kind Edward, or whoever? Do leaders of men have distinctive asses, like some of the great apes? Or does the secret ninja training also teach them to differentiate between various brown-eyes? Dude, you know it’s the king because his shit don’t stink. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ninjas/263009.md?page=1)