# Nip/Tuck (real life, not the series . . .)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 15, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484 "2005-04-15T15:31:10Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/1 "2005-04-15T15:31:10Z")
I’ve been thinking “plastic surgery” again after getting an awful shock to the system—I was trying on a white cotton cardigan at Lord & Taylor’s (P.S. I bought it), when I unexpectedly caught a glimpse at my side-view in the dressing-room mirror. _Holy Mother of Mary Pickford!_ I’m used to my head-on appearance, but had forgotten that from the side I look like the _Lusitania_ steaming majestically into port. But I always talk myself out of it:
• I don’t have $20,000 to throw around (which is what good NY surgeons would charge for a nose job and neck-tuck, and I would _not_ go to a cheap quack and wind up with that “monkey in a wind tunnel” look).
• General anesthesia makes me throw up for six hours, which might not be the best thing right after facial surgery and with cotton up one’s nose.
• Look what happened to Olivia Goldsmith—I have to stay alive and healthy to look after my mother.
• I’m nearly 50 years old—who the hell _cares_ if I look like the _Lusitania_ at this point, as long as I’m impeccably groomed and well dressed (which I always am)?
Has anyone here had “work” done, or ponder it from time to time?
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### Author:  [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/2 "2005-04-15T15:35:18Z")
I think I have a bit of a weak chin, so I’ve given thought to a chin implant. While I’m at it, I’m a little dimple put in. My mother’s side of the family (which I tend to take after in in lots of ways) gets a bit jowly with age and I’m having none of that. While they’re given me chin job, tighten up all those wattles, too.
Vanity, they name is **plnnr**.
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### Author:  [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/3 "2005-04-15T15:41:57Z")
I’d love to have everything hiked up about half an inch or so, starting at my knees. It not going to happen, though, due to the money and the fact that my husband a member of the “growing old gracefully” school of thought. Easy for him to say. Men don’t have to take the pencil test.
One of my cousins-in-law had something fairly radical done to improve her jawline and she looks great. I’d love that. I’ve always been jealous of people with actual jawlines. I look okay in person, I think, but in photographs, not so much.
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/4 "2005-04-15T17:07:02Z")
> [@cher3](#):
>
> Easy for him to say. Men don’t have to take the pencil test.
Um… “pencil test?”
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### Author:  [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/5 "2005-04-15T17:11:47Z")
> [@Ferret Herder](#):
>
> Um… “pencil test?”
It’s a sagging boobs thing, you wouldn’t understand.
I’ve considered having the whole original design scrapped and rebuilt. After giving this due consideration (about once every 28 days, to tell the truth) I get a bad case of the fuckits and deal with the fact that I will probably always just look like me.
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### Author:  [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/6 "2005-04-15T17:14:54Z")
It involves holding a pencil against your chest at the point where the underside of the boobage meets the ribs. If the pencil doesn’t hit the floor when you let go, you’ve failed the pencil test.
Actually, I suppose there are more than a few men who would fail the pencil test, too, but I really didn’t want to think about that.
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/7 "2005-04-15T17:18:50Z")
I haven’t passed the pencil test since puberty.
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### Author:  [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/8 "2005-04-15T17:32:15Z")
I had some very major jaw surgery 6 years ago to correct a receding chin (surgery + 3 years of orthodontics). During the surgery, they did three things:
1. Brought my lower jaw forward
2. Raised my upper palate (and eliminated my “gummy” smile)
3. Widened my upper palate (which had the side bonus of eliminating my allergies)
The surgery did cost around 20K but luckily my doctor wrote a very compelling case to the insurance company about bad bites and deteriorating bone loss and the entire thing was covered except for 100.00.
The results are amazing, I look like a different person and I am very happy I did it. When I bite down, my teeth actually fit together for the first time in my life.
There were a lot of risks involved and I ended up with permanent numbness on the left side of my mouth/chin. Most of the time I don’t notice it, but it’s nearly unbearable to kiss my boyfriend and have his 5:00 shadow touch that part of my face.
I keep contemplating a nose job. Before I lost weight, I looked at pictures of myself and only noticed how heavy I was. Now that I’ve lost weight, I look at pictures of myself and only notice how big my nose is! After experiencing the surgery though, I don’t know if I’m willing to risk more numbness or anything else going wrong.
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### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/9 "2005-04-15T17:32:22Z")
Until this very thread, I had never heard of the pencil test. Of course that means that now I will have to ask all my female friends if they’ve tried the pencil test. I think I’m gonna get hit a lot. 😃
Umm… **LifeOnWry** sweetie, having met you, I cannot imagine what you think needs rebuilding. You are _fabulous!_ Notice that I didn’t try to hide or nuttin’ when we were sitting together in well lit public places. Ya don’t need to change a thing!
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/10 "2005-04-15T17:35:17Z")
**Pencil Test** would be an excellent Secret Wimmens Group name. Kinda the Non-Red Hat Society, if you know what I mean.
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### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/11 "2005-04-15T17:42:49Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#):
>
> **Pencil Test** would be an excellent Secret Wimmens Group name. Kinda the Non-Red Hat Society, if you know what I mean.
Or a middle aged wimmens band name!
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### Author:  [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/12 "2005-04-15T17:45:30Z")
Does laser hair removal count? I had that, with little result. I suppose if I could have the follicles surgically removed without scarring I’d do it. A little lipo would be a good thing too. And I’d like to get the skin under my eyes the same shade as the rest of my face instead of the dark circly effect I have going now; dunno if there’s a surgery for that but those fade creams don’t work.
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### Author:  [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/13 "2005-04-15T17:47:05Z")
And by the way, men have a different sort of pencil test to contend with, only it’s more of a compare/contrast sort of thing.
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### Author:  [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/14 "2005-04-15T17:51:24Z")
I think I’ll have my butt fixed. There’s a crack in it…
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/15 "2005-04-15T17:54:53Z")
> [@LifeOnWry](#):
>
> It’s a sagging boobs thing, you wouldn’t understand.
Hey, you’ve never met me… OK, which of the Chicago Dopers blabbed about my small tits? Sheesh.
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/16 "2005-04-15T18:04:38Z")
I never considered any kind of fixer-upper work. Not that I think I’m all that gorgeous, but I really, really hate any kind of surgery, and I’m certainly not going to put myself thru it for what I consider to be a trivial reason. Don’t read that wrong - I know for some people, it’s really important for any number of reasons. It’s just that for me, there are no compelling issues, therefore cosmetic surgery would be trivial.
Now, if someone could invent a magical closet that I could enter, push a button, then exit, leaving behind some excess lardage, I’d be there in a heartbeat. But I’m not that hung up on my appearance. Anyone who’s seen the way I dress can attest to that…
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### Author:  [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/17 "2005-04-15T18:08:03Z")
> [@Ferret Herder](#):
>
> Hey, you’ve never met me… OK, which of the Chicago Dopers blabbed about my small tits? Sheesh.
WHOOOOPS!
This is what I get for assuming you were male. A thousand apologies.
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/18 "2005-04-15T18:08:04Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#):
>
> I never considered any kind of fixer-upper work. Not that I think I’m all that gorgeous, but I really, really hate any kind of surgery, and I’m certainly not going to put myself thru it for what I consider to be a trivial reason. Don’t read that wrong - I know for some people, it’s really important for any number of reasons. It’s just that for me, there are no compelling issues, therefore cosmetic surgery would be trivial.
This is pretty much my opinion right now. Late last year I had surgery to remove a couple of questionable moles, one of which turned out to be precancerous. Now I’ve got these two inch-long scars on my body, both of which are still extremely noticeable, dark pink-purple. (The dermatologist’s surgery was great and I followed the wound care instructions to a T - I just scar easily.) I figure there isn’t much they could do to me that wouldn’t make me think the scars afterwards wouldn’t be worth it.
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### Author:  [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/19 "2005-04-15T18:09:58Z")
> [@swampbear](#):
>
> Umm… **LifeOnWry** sweetie, having met you, I cannot imagine what you think needs rebuilding. You are _fabulous!_ Notice that I didn’t try to hide or nuttin’ when we were sitting together in well lit public places. Ya don’t need to change a thing!
Aww! You are too sweet. I wasn’t hiding, neither, you’ll note ( **swampy** has some seriously sexy eyebrows.)
(The check is in the mail.)
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nip-tuck-real-life-not-the-series/299484/20 "2005-04-15T18:15:43Z")
> [@LifeOnWry](#):
>
> WHOOOOPS!
>
> This is what I get for assuming you were male. A thousand apologies.
That’s OK, half the time I look at your username and assume that too. 😃
And with what I have, if I could pass the pencil test, I’d cry - they’d probably have to deflate completely for that to happen.
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